Demetri @ Folsom Street Events® : A Respected, Inspiring Colleague

Throughout the year 2006, I had the distinct honor & priviledge to work for an incredible man at an awesome organization that was only weakened by the trifling and petty control games of its fetish-friendly all-volunteer Steering Committee or Board of Directors. Demetri Moshoyannis was the Executive Director of FOLSOM STREET EVENTS®, who hired me on as Administrative Coordinator charged with office, accounts & project management; exhibitor/vendor relations & rental sales; events planning; assisting with marketing & sponsorship campaigns; desktop publishing and constant collaboration on ideas about how we'd see the organization grow.


It was Demetri's first year as Executive Director, hired only three or four months before me, and in one year, we together accomplished the impossible. We turned the organization around, increased sponsorship dollars by 92%, instituted a direct marketing campaign, improved media relations and community outreach, achieved a 115% Exhibitor rental sell out, produced four premier events, and served the Board of Directors to the very best of our abilities. The only problem for me was that my style was off; it was different, naive and trite, contemptuous in many ways, only because I wasn't being listened to by any one of my colleagues except for my admirable, open-minded boss: Demetri.

I was full of ideas all the time, and I was desperate to be heard, constantly chiming in on Planning Committee conversations and very vocally pushing my ideas on the Board. I was only hoping that they would find value in my enthusiasm, creativity, ingenuity, intelligence; but instead, they all (each in their own right) responded very caustically to my brash misgivings, which I only intended as gestures of solidarity and support. As the year progressed, the relationships (or semblance there of) I had developed with the Board members (especially the Board President and the Exhibitors Division Chairwoman, who directly controlled the reception of the majority of all of my work on the job) progressively began to deteriorate and erupt in frustration. The only ally I had was my boss, Demetri.

Demetri was always there to listen to the bantering and blabbering, to the constant flux of ideas and suggestions and concepts and proposals flowing from my mind. He knew, as well as I did, that it wasn't very realistic to expect the Board to go along with any of my ideas, because as I say later, I was a "mere underling," but he listened to & considered each of my thoughts, filing them in the back of his mind as our own private stash of possibilities..."for the Future!," we would say. Little did I know that the Future would be short at hand and obstructed by my termination by the emboldened, bitter, brutally angry Board President, who just did not like me.


I'll set the record straight, before I continue: I was no perfect employee. Demetri gave me very many liberties with him in our private, professional relationship; liberties that the Board Director found offensive and improper. I got my job done always, but to my own slow canter. What my naivety prevented me from realizing was that a group of fetish-friendly BDSM community leaders, professionals, like the FOLSOM STREET EVENTS® Board of Directors, would much rather prefer a master-slave relationship with their "underlings," expecting due diligence and immediate response to all commands. Demetri was a fetish freak, a founder of the San Francisco and Los Angeles chapters of the "Men of Discipline," a BDSM fetishistic military-style fraternity of platonic and sometimes sexual partners, but Demetri had a soft side for me where I constantly found refuge.

I'll forever remember the day my employment was terminated. It was a Friday, after a full week of steady accomplishments. Just that day was the deadline for Beneficiaries to submit their applications: an important day; and oddly, the Board President shows up midday and installs himself at the head of the conference table. Demetri then got very quiet; in fact, if I remember correctly, he had pretty much been quiet all that day, not engaging in much of any conversation with me. Then at one point, around 3pm, Demetri picked up a folder from his desk and solemnly walked over to sit down next to the Board President at the conference table. There was silence, long empty silence. I wondered what was going on.

Then Demetri quietly, humbly muttered, "Matt, would you come here please and have a seat." I was confused. I didn't know what was going on and definitely had that look on my face when I sat down next to the Board President, opposite my boss, the Executive Director. That's when I saw Demetri's face and heard him struggling with his breath, obviously uncomfortable in his seat. His eyes showed such anxiety. He received a cold, commanding stare from his boss, the Board President to urge him to say what needed to be said, but Demetri really was struggling to say it: "Matt, we've decided to let you go."


That's basically all he said for the rest of the berating. I say "berating" because that's exactly what it was. The Board President began to speak vehemently, brutally slicing his words at me in his stuffy British accent, proceeding to condemn me for all of my myriad of inconceivable inadequacies. His voice got loud. He was infuriated. When I tried to speak up and defend myself, painfully attempting to salvage some self-respect and any chance at a job I had left, he yelled me down, hollering "THERE'S NO DEBATING THIS! WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE! THAT'S THAT! You have no choice but to sign your severance package, turn in your keys and leave." (I paraphrase: poetic license!)

This entire time I was pleading with Demetri silently, with my tearful eyes and dropped jaw, to speak up and stop this attack. I was certain, by view of the harrowing, desperately uncomfortable look on his face, that Demetri did not want to be doing this. I figure he was forced to, threatened with being fired himself if he didn't fire me or at least go along with the Board President firing me. I swear, I saw tears in his eyes. He looked like a meek little puppy, condemned to obey his master. I accepted the decision with great disappointment, shivering in tears of anxiety, gathered my things and walked out, but not without putting out my hand to Demetri for a shake, a good-bye. That's when Demetri grabbed my hand and pulled me in to a deep embrace, a strong, impassioned bear hug. I could feel his sweat, hear his heart thumping rapidly. I could also hear him screaming silently inside his own head, "I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T WANT THIS! THIS ISN'T RIGHT! I HAD NO CHOICE!" (I paraphrase: poetic license! hehehe.)

At that moment, I knew that something wonderful was coming to an end. Despite all the trauma and turmoil of working for a Board of Directors that held me in the least esteem, Demetri really cared. He believed in me. I had somehow so stupidly succeeded in taking advantage of the liberties he'd give me, and I somehow, some time, over-stepped some invisible, undetermined boundaries. I had crossed a line. Demetri would have been willing to let me step right back to the right side and start over afresh, but the Board President would not let me move an inch. He had caught me where he wanted me, right where I was vulnerable and helpless and had no choice, no chance to survive.

I knew that I was losing a really great thing: a really great boss!! And to demonstrate the great respect and admiration I had and still have for Demetri Moshoyannis as a professional, I decided to write him a recommendation for his LinkedIn® Profile, hoping that he'd accept it and proudly display it on his profile. Words spoken from the heart. I preface the recommendation text with an email further describing my feelings for Demetri, speaking directly to him, instead of about him. I hope he appreciates and is truly touched by what I have to say. Both the email and the recommendation I just submitted to Demetri today via LinkedIn® are cited below. Let me know what you think! I'd like to know that someone finds my words moving and meaningful. Please.

LINKEDIN® EMAIL TO DEMETRI MOSHOYANNIS

Dear Demetri,

I've written this recommendation of your work to share with other LinkedIn® users.

You were a great boss, Demetri! The best I'll probably ever have. While I regret the occasional squabbles between you and me over mere trifles, I will forever be grateful for the many times when you actually listened to my ideas and encouraged me to express myself, when others were so bitterly opposed to me speaking my mind.

It makes me sad that I was stupid enough to let the opportunity to contribute my gems of creative thought slip from beneath me and not to see maybe even just one of my ideas embraced and implemented, by making mistake after adolescent, maniacal mistake.

I only wish our tenure together could have lasted even just one fair season longer, just to see how well we could have fused our minds together, have had me gain some ground with our colleagues, be respected and affect really positive change in the organization. Thank you for treating me like a human being when others would not.

I'm sorry for my mistakes. I'll always cherish the experience of working with you. Thank you for trying so hard to keep believing in me, even when I was at my worst. Thank you for your compassion.

And with that said, I leave you to read and review the recommendation below that I wrote for you. It's from the heart, maybe too much so! If you need me to toughen it up and streamline it a little with a revision, I will. I hope though that you will at least appreciate and return the gesture.

Good luck with the 2009 Fair Season! Don't get too burnt out! FSE needs you at your prime. What would they do without you?? I don't know. God Bless! Namaste. Peace Out.

Let me know what you think of the recommendation. I hope you'll post it to your profile. I feel honored to contribute to your professional profile on LinkedIn®. Just a gesture, fully and rightfully deserved. Tootles! Read on...

Most Sincerely,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew Blanchard

DETAILS OF THE RECOMMENDATION

Demetri was a superb, insightful, creative, compassionate boss, a real pleasure to work for during my time as his assistant in 2006. He was respectfully lenient and understanding, without ever letting me forget my responsibilities, and while still demanding intelligent, inspired collaboration, feedback and ideas of me: a lowly underling.

One thing I never could doubt when working with Demetri was that he knew his stuff. He is a pro! A truly inspiring leader and a dutiful servant to the organization, fighting constantly to improve the standards and practices upon which FOLSOM STREET EVENTS® stands.

With his continuing tenure at the helm of the organization, I am only certain that it will continue to grow & prosper. FSE has blossomed and beefed up under his leadership already! I'm anxious to see how far he can take the juggernaut that is "Fetish Freedomland": Folsom Street Fair®!!

I constantly croon in nostalgia over the lost opportunity to continue to see FSE rise to megalithic glory with Demetri at the reigns and me, his fagged-out funambulist freak show front desk man by his side. He respected and nurtured me when no one else would. For that I am eternally grateful!

I will always fondly remember my experience working with this "Man of Discipline," and I will equally regret ever letting him down. Thanks, Demetri! And I'm sorry...

Gay Men: "Interrupted Adolescence" Interview by L.R.Burnett for QHereKidSF

My dear friend from college, Linsay Rousseau Burnett, who is now a student at the UC Berkeley Graduate School of Journalism (top-2 ranking in the nation), humbly asked me to participate in an interview for a 2,000 word written profile article and a 2-3 minute radio interview. The project has expanded into a full fledged video broadcast of me telling my story, which is currently under construction and in editing for further development.

Lindsay gave me a couple lists of possible interview questions; and although, we have yet had the chance to sit down for a one-on-one interview, I have taken it upon myself to write exposé in a creative, expressive style to respond to these questions. Below is my response to here first question. Installments of other written interview responses can be expected periodically as blog entries throughout the coming month. There's many questions! I'll have a lot to write! It will be revealing, for sure!

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN
AND TO BE A GAY MAN WITH HIV?
HOW HAS THIS AFFECTED YOUR ACCEPTANCE
INTO VARIOUS COMMUNITIES, EVEN IN SF?

Through my experiences as a gay man, I have learned that most (but not all!) gay men suffer from serious social, psychological & spiritual handicaps, as they were all raised “in the Closet,” expected to conform to the mold society had contrived for & imposed on them. In turn, they respond in a reactionary manner, turning to self-destructive behaviors (patterns of neuroses) to alleviate the pressure of the prejudices & expectations of the Heterosexual Majority.

I am a gay man, like many gay man, who suffered as an adolescent, under the oppressive judgment and prejudice of a conservative community of peers, with staunchly Republican, anti-gay parents, and absolutely without any positive gay role models whom I could mimic & from whom I could learn.

I am a gay man, like many gay man, who suffered again as a young closeted homosexual student at a university whose gay community was weak, feeble, ashamed, self-destructive, and plagued by their own unhealthy, unbecoming, petty issues of intrusive control over and manipulation of the “Closet” of others. Also, during college just as during my adolescence, I suffered from innate social ineptitude and was always the unpopular, awkward outcast, like many gay men (but, of course, not all!).


I am a gay man, like some unfortunate gay men, who suffers still today, surviving under the influences of the false ideals and equally poor social & psychological behaviors of what are reputed to be the Elysian frolickers of the “Gay Mecca:” gay men in San Francisco, especially that ill-reputed, ill-at-ease, again self-destructive, socially & sexually perverse, underground community of eminently promiscuous, HIV-positive drug & sex addicts. This self-destructive majority just trolls & scavenges the Internet and sex clubs to find their next willing victim or “partner in crime” night after sleepless nights, only to quickly exhaust their sexual pairing options by being consumed by their obsessive/compulsive, neurotic, deviant sexual practices.

Today, I am a gay man, unlike many gay men, who is now grotesquely disfigured. I wear a mask. Literally. Figuratively? Who cares? And I am a gay man, part of the small minority (or perhaps of the vast majority) of gay men, who perceives himself to be a social outcast, monstrously lacking in the one key attribute that is sadly essential to the success of any gay male relationship: beauty & attraction.

I have a thought! This thought is not original. I have heard it from someone before or in previous reading, perhaps in the Journal of Homosexuality. The thought is that the oppressive gay male youth experience of “The Closet” and our resulting inability to fully explore our identity in a healthy, open way causes our adolescence to be “interrupted.” The natural experience of identity formation in youth is abruptly stopped in early adolescence, Youth, with all its ineptitudes & awkwardness, is rediscovered and finally fully explored only well after we have entered into our young adult lives. Gay young adult men are essentially still children in adult bodies (with adult hormones and adult expectations) who are forced to finally discover & realize their true identities late in the game and without the support of a sound, fit, healthy, nurturing community of family or peers. However, some gay youth are lucky, living in positive, nondiscriminatory, accepting families & communities, free to develop fully into healthy, sane, secure adults.

Sadly, neuroses, hang-ups, handicaps, bitterness, self-loathing, judgment, prejudice, confounded ill-adept spirituality & faith, drug abuse, sexual promiscuity, sexual addiction, sexual compulsion, failure, suffering, depression, trauma, drama and disappointment are all endemic to the Gay Male Community. And living with HIV/AIDS doesn’t provide much escape from or restitution for all that is already prevalent amongst gay men; it only compounds the negative. The tragedy of sero-conversion truly condemns the victim of disease (however responsible or not he might be for his suffering) to constant, complete, compulsory isolation from, rejection & victimization again by the perfectly legitimate survival tactics of the growing minority of gay men who could be seen as the representation of the ideal, the exemplar: the truly healthy, beautiful & well-adjusted HIV-negative “escapee.”


Hope for the ideal is lost. The ideal is then deranged into some unlikely perversion of itself, and human beings are lesser because of this. However, a semblance of hope can be found again within the self-destructive, unhealthy behaviors of the majority, because initiatives do exist to demand growth, development & maturity from these diseased, depressed, disruptive deviants: “adolescents interrupted.” Self-preservation & the struggle for safety, in turn, lead to “sero-sorting,” when the victims become cohorts together & culprits amongst themselves and find fulfillment finally in restricting their sexual encounters to within the HIV-positive community: a community born of negativity, suffering & incomplete identity formation—in order to prevent the spread of disease.

By sero-sorting, HIV-positive gay men distinguish themselves as nobly prevention-minded, which is essentially a positive thing; but they also ultimately commit to segregating themselves from the HIV-negative community. Therefore, they do not allow themselves to be influenced by the perhaps healthier, more stable values of the uninfected. Instead, they limit their sexual lifestyles to being permanently & pervasively deviant & destructive. This is not a positive thing, and we suffer for it, tragically!

I realize that this response rather skirts the main questions in an obtuse way, but the questions, I realized, served more as a catalyst for me to sound off on the troubles and neuroses of the Gay Community, instead of answering the questions directly. For a direct response, I will simply say: Being gay has never been easy! Especially when I was a child and an adolescent, when everyone (my peers, adults, my family) kept telling me I was gay, but I refused to admit it because I didn't want people telling me what I was before I had the chance to figure it out for myself. Children were ruthlessly venomous in their attacks. Their ridicule of me ruined my psyche! My adolescence was hence interrupted.

Life since coming out has not been any easier. I was unfortunate not to have been introduced first to the healthy gay lifestyle and community, where real life, real love, romantic relationships and profound platonic relationships between gay men can and do thrive. Instead, I was immediately (and based on my own faults and bad choices) thrown into a den of lascivious "sluttery;" barebacking as if it were a child's game. Adolescence Interrupted! This is what let me to HIV and eventually to Crystal Meth. I wish I could have been saved sooner from my own impending downfall, but finding healthy, friendly gay men to have relationships with is so difficult. The gay community, positive or negative, is not an inviting, welcoming one. That's for sure! I HOPE LINSAY READS THIS! I hope you all do!

Trainwreck or Trainspotting at W&M

The "Nichol Debacle" is a nationally broadcast media controversy that took place at the College of William and Mary in 2006/2007 after Gene Nichol (see photo right: Associated Press ©2008) ordered the removal of the Holy Cross from the Wren Chapel altar, the oldest ivy league chapel in the United States due to diversity and religious rights issues. He was then promptly forced to resign by the Board of Visitors of the College, after not standing up to his fundraising pledge. He was a popular President of the College amongst the student body at the time, as is evidenced in the videos below, but I was first introduced to this "debacle" from a person with an alternate view point.

Thomas Lipscomb, W&M '61, a LinkedIn.com Connection as explained below, referred me to his Minding the Campus Article: Trainwreck at William & Mary (Original), which took a very negative stance on Nichol's valuable attributes (or lack there of) as President of the College, citing his failures as Dean of University of Texas and University of North Carolina (Chapel Hill), whose schools both fell drastically (by 1/3) in ranking during his tenure at either school.

I'm troubled because I was hitherto until recently ignorant of the entire controversy, as I had left the College and its news behind when I left the school in 2002, when Timothy Sullivan (an excellent, stalwart President) was still in tenure. I feel that after viewing both the equally passionate Lipscomb article and the Student/Faculty videos, I would have to side with the student activists, but I still find Lipscomb argument compelling and support the B.O.V.'s choice to terminate Nichol's tenure as President of the College; although, admittedly, it wasn't handled very well at all, because the B.O.V. is so not integrated with the faculty and student body and holds itself on an ivory pedestal (ever so long as I can remember, it's been the same way).

Below, you will find my Facebook response email to the Lipscomb article, which requests feedback from my Facebook W&M Alumni Friends about the whole controversy. I also include comments from two of my friends and feedback from the YouTube video "Campus Voices: Forging an honest dialogue?". First, I recommend that you read the Lipscomb article. Then veiw the videos below for contrast and read my email text. This will give you a round about, decent overview of the entire ordeal, in hopes that you also will be able to provide some feedback on how I should perceive this entire "debacle."



I ask, "Which side should I take? Who's side am I on? Who's the hero in all of this, if there really is one in the first place? Should I join the students' passionate cries to be heard by the Board of Visitors and to have preserved Nichol's tenure?" All I know is that the B.O.V. needs much more transparency of its decision making and more communication with and involvement of the student body and faculty: those stakeholders in the College that truly matter to that for which the school truly represents.

FACEBOOK EMAIL TO W&M ALUMNI FRIENDS

Hey W&M Alumni Friends,

As a member of the LinkedIn.com professional networking & development community, I am connected to the "College of William & Mary Alumni Network" Group which has at least a thousand (or over 800) members and is a venue for divisive discussions on current events & issues related to the College and to alumni life.

Sometime late last year, I posted a discussion comment about an NBC News Today Show broadcast from last year entitled "Best Values in Colleges." According to the Princeton Review, in 2008, William & Mary ranked third in over all value of education for all public universities, just under the University of Virginia.

A link to the video was included with the discussion posting, so people could view it, if they were so inclined. I also wrote a personal blog about the posting and video; specifically, because it had received such negative feedback from the W&M Alumni LinkedIn.com community. Numerous people offered very derogatory commentary on the state of affairs and the evolution (or downward spiral) of the College now and in the recent past.

One particular comment to my LinkedIn.com Group Discussion posting mentioned the "Nichol debacle" as an example of how the reputation and state of affairs at W&M has deteriorated in recent years, just after our graduation from the College and after Timothy Sullivan's resignation as President of W&M. I was confused by this comment, particularly because I was ignorant of who Nichol was and what his association to W&M was. A kind-hearted commentator kindly replied to my pleas for information that could cure my ignorance on the subject of Nichol with an email which included a link to a web article published on a website entitled www.mindingthecampus.com that he had written (see attached).

I didn't read the June 5, 2008 article until just tonight, after an in-depth, in-home personal discussion with my good friend, W&M Alumna ('03) and now student at the UCBerkeley Graduate School of Journalism ('11): Linsay Rousseau Burnett (who is also receiving this Facebook email).

Linsay didn't remember the exact name of the controversial President of the College who followed Sullivan, so I looked for the email that Thomas Lipscomb ('61) had sent me late last year in response to my LinkedIn.com Group Discussion posting to find the name of the so-called "debacle", as I figured that this was the same controversy that Linsay was talking about.

Nichol was the man! And Linsay had a very positive progressive, liberal, anti-majority, activist opinion on Nichol's tenure as President of the College and the controversy that surrounded him. She however did not provided specifics.

So, after she left (instead of immediately answering her interview questions in an email to her), I used the link in Lipscomb's email to me to find and read his op-ed article on Nichol. Lipscomb's point of view, in exact binary contrast to Linsay's opinions, was expressed in what I found to be a very sarcastic, preachy, uber-conservative tone. He, opposite to Linsay, had a very negative perspective on the "debacle" and controversy, as I had gleaned from one of the few comments he had made in his email to me from last year.

I was personally well informed through my & Linsay's discussion and through reading the Lipscomb article, but I was left confounded by their two alternate, contrary points of view. I didn't know what to believe after learning of the complete story from both sides of the aisle, but I did give it a lot of thought, and I was ultimately motivated to post a comment to the article on its webpage.

My comment, which I finally posted just moments before writing this email to all of you (my W&M Alumni Facebook Friends), has yet to be approved by the webmaster or moderator of the Minding the Campus website. It was a rather lengthy response to the article, so we'll just have to see if it's actually, finally posted to the page, at the end of the text of the article. Maybe by the time you click the link attached below, my comment will have been posted. I don't know! But, meanwhile...

I just wanted to give you all access to this article so that you might read it and give me some feedback, in order to initiate a discussion with all of you about the "debacle" and to get a diverse array of opinions about the issue. With your responses (either through Facebook or to one of my personal email accounts), I should be able to derive my own definitive opinions on the whole story with which I had until today (or yesterday, since it's after 2am in the morning already) not been familiar—of which I have just learned quite a lot.

I would appreciate it if you were to read the article and respond to me (if you're so inclined) with your own commentary and opinions. Perhaps, unlike my sorry, ignorant self, you are already familiar with the Nichol story; perhaps, I am enlightening you of something new and unknown—I don't know! What matters essentially is that you might be kind & generous enough to devote and share some thoughts on the article with me, so that I might be able to clarify and cement my own opinions about the controversy.

If it's not important to you or just not a big deal, then I'll understand if I don't receive very much feedback from all of you, but I believe that if you were truly invested in the W&M Alumni Community, you would at least have an opinion about Nichol (to share or not to share?). That is the question! Hehehe! So please, indulge me! I beg of you your opinions. Please read the article and respond to me. Let's start a discussion of our own.

I want to know that W&M was and is important to you! Unless, of course, you couldn't give a rat's ass about your Alma Mater; then, ultimately, this entire exchange that I am attempting to initiate would be uselessly irrelevant, which I understand.

I look forward to hearing back from at least a couple of you. For all you others out there, I just hope that I have helped to broaden your perspective on the state of affairs recently at our alma mater. It'd be nice to know that there's a purpose and results to all of this needy banter and debate. Thanks for listening. Tootles! Be Safe, Be Sane, Be Sexy! Cheers. Peace Out! Namaste!

In pride of the Alma Mater,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF

This video might not be entirely provocative in its imagery, but the vocal recording is astounding and truly evokes the passions of W&M students and faculty, especially in favor of the Gene Nichol tenure as President of the College. I suppose then that this is a good way to close. What are you're thoughts and feedback? This is an old story, but it keeps me as current as I can be on happenings at William & Mary. It's good to know that Timothy Reveley III, the new President of the College, is doing well. Here is one comment from a friend on Facebook to close:

FACEBOOK COMMENT FROM BRAD CARLTON SISK

Nichol was a much better president than Sullivan, whose outright corruption in his presidency and administration was one of the reasons I left the school in protest. Nichol pushed hard for multiculturalism and diversity at W&M, through the Gateway program initiative and also through his efforts to remove the cross in Wren chapel which, since W&M is a public university, was deeply offensive to non-Christian students. These were long-overdue reforms for such a whitebread school. But since ultra-conservative Rethuglicans have their hooks deep inside W&M's bureaucracy (both in terms of fatcat donors and on the Board of Visitors, the body that appointed the likes of Thatcher and Kissinger, a war criminal for God's sake, as chancellors), Nichol's efforts to liberalize W&M's reactionary policies unfortunately didn't stand a chance (as the more Machiavellian "pragmatist" Sullivan told him, in an email). However, Nichol left many of Sullivan's bureaucrats in place, such as the exceedingly incompetent and corrupt Sam Sadler, who actually tried to bribe me into keeping quiet a scandal about asbestos in the dorm where I was RA shortly before I left the school, so that doesn't speak in Nichol's favor. Anyway, since I dropped out I suppose W&M isn't really my Alma Mater and I therefore don't have very much invested in this discussion. But my outlook for the school's future is very bleak.