SINS INVALID "present multidisciplinary performances (video, poetry, spoken word, music, drama, and dance) by people with disabilities for broad audiences in the San Francisco Bay Area and elsewhere; organize multidisciplinary performance workshops for community members with and without disabilities; and offer political education workshops for community-based and educational organizations that share [their] commitment to social justice principles as a means of integrating analysis and action around disability, race, gender and sexuality."
2010 marks the inaugural year of the SINS INVALID Artists in Residence (A.I.R.) Project, a performance development and incubation project through which new, up and coming LGBTQQI disabled artists of diverse color and/or creed are invited to come together to collaborate, mentor, workshop and produce solo or ensemble performance pieces to be premiered as headlining entertainment at a showcase performance event this coming December.
For the last two weeks, I have been anxiously awaiting response back from the SINS INVALID A.I.R Project Coordinator, Nomy Lamm on her decision to accept me as an participating A.I.R. performer. Even though the application process was quite comfortable and relaxed, I had to turn it into a grueling, anxiety-filled affair, imbuing the whole ordeal with an overbearing sense of urgency and enthusiasm. With fingers wound round each other in superstitious anticipation, I prayed that my exhaustive energy would impress the judges, and so it did!
Today, Wednesday, May 12, 2010 at around 11:47AM PST, I received an email from Ms. Nomy Lamm, congratulating me on my selection and welcoming me into the program. Now, finally, with great relief and still even greater excitement, I'm able to post my application and a brief synopsis of my interview for the position without preempting any alternate outcome. I post the following, as I like to say, for the sake of posterity and perpetuity, to be made accessible to the world wide blogosphere through the cyberwaves of my communiques.
To my delight and equal opportunity of surprise (shock, even!), this rather sterling example of my put-offish verbosity and pedantry shined in the eyes of the judging panel for the Sins Invalid AIR Program, enough so that they were compelled to schedule me for an interview. I was overwhelmed with anticipation, when I found out that I had made it to the second round of the selection process. I counted the days, the hours, the minutes until the moment I say "nomylamm" pop-up on my SKYPE® Contact List, and shortly thereafter received her incoming video call.
SINS INVALID ARTIST IN RESIDENCE APPLICATION
DO YOU IDENTIFY AS LGBTQ OR GENDER VARIANT?
Yes, and proudly so.
Though I spent the majority of my childhood and adolescence closeted in immense shame of my "deviant" sexuality, I knew from an early age that I was in fact a homosexual. It took me until my Junior Year Abroad in 1999-2000, while I was studying Performance ARts in paris, France, to "come out" as gay, to find romance and in that same year to seroconvert.
coming back to Williamsburg, Virginia, where I had lived and studied as an undergraduate for five years, was incredulously difficult -- torturous even, for the simple reason that I was bitterly rejected by my peers because of my abrupt, albeit completely sequitur, shift in sexual orientation.
I was a handsome young man, back then. I broke the hearts of many young women, who had fallen amorous of me, as well as those of many young men, you desired me sexually, but for whom I held no dutiful, profound attraction.
Now, I realize, through the spite of circumstance, that I've lost most of my concrete, tangible, physical beauty (so integral to successful gay male relationships, or so it sometimes seems).
Most of those young gay men, who once rejected me because I ostensibly rejected them, would still reject me today, even though I'm a proud, resilient gay man living a dream. Or maybe, during the practice of performance so integral to the Sins Invalid syllabus of study, I will (re)discover my beauty and either again ostensibly or forevermore actually find that I can and do and will attract love, admiration, desire, lust, sex, romance, etc. We will see; won't we?
WHAT IS YOUR ETHNIC BACKGROUND AND/OR RACIAL IDENTITY?
I'm a "white trash" mutt of a man, bred of third-generation Eastern European and French-Canadian immigrants.
I usually abstain from answering such questions, because I find that more often than not polls and surveys, such as this year's foreboding, omni-force of social study: The 2010 Census, insinuates prejudice against "Caucasians."
NO! I'm NOT a Neo-Nazi -- God Forbid!! I do, however, always answer "other" in these instances. Any racial or ethnic minority is welcomed to object or claim that I am merely projecting my own internalized racism through reversed racism inferred. Yet, I lay steadfast and stubborn claim to the notion that "not all Whites live in an Ivory Tower."
So here, in this instance, I call myself "White Trash." Because, without any degree of self-loathing, I can easily recognize from where I was born and to where my race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, disability and disease(s) have lead me: not up the social ladder, be even further down from where I started -- to San Francisco's Skid Row.
TELL US ABOUT YOUR ART: WHAT DO YOU DO? WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO YOU?
I was once , so long ago, an elite and very fortunate student practitioner of a refined artistic performance craft. My study of the theatre and performance arts earned me a place in the pantheon of student artists at my alma mater: The College of William & Mary, '02.
During my undergraduate studies and immediately following the emotionally debilitating shock of my HIV diagnosis in my senior year, I was honored with the privilege of studying abroad on full scholarship in Europe.
I studied extensively the art of Mime Decroux at L'Atelier de Belleville and at l'École Jacques LeCoq, Shakespeare and Chinese Opera with l'Association de Recherche des Traditions de l'Acteur (ARTA) under the direction and tutelage of company members of the Théâtre du Soleil and acclaimed contemporary Taiwanese opera and dance master, Wu Xing Guo. I studied with and was directed in the lead role of Les Mamelles de Tirésias by a graduate of the Tisch School for the Arts Experimental Performance Workshop and French national. I traveled to the South of France to study and perform with a bilingual Franco-American contemporary performance company at the Festival d'Avignon: Europe's most sumptuous, most popular, and most time-honored celebration of the theatre, dance and performance arts.
I also was honored with the privilege of studying on scholarship the traditional and contemporary traditions of theatre in Florence, Italy, including the pinnacled canon of commedia dell'arte, as well as the theories and practice of acclaimed Italian theatre masters, Fo & Strehler.
The combined force of my experience(s) studying on foreign soil, directly in the muck of mayhem and mischief of mainland European student life, greatly influenced the birth on my passion(s) for the modern & contemporary cinemas of France and Italy.
I found that in preparing for my directorial debuts in the theatre, upon my return to The College of William & Mary stateside, much of what I had studied of Le Film Noir, Neorealism and the cinema of Jean-Jacques Jeunet integrally influenced my artistic choices. Truly, my directorial debuts were infused with a synthesis of all of my theatrical and cinematographic studies, transforming into a culmination of work of immense impact, value and valor.
As a French Literature and Theatre Arts major at The College of William & Mary, I honed my artistic skill and craft with the direction, scenic and costume design of two prominent works of Eugène Ionesco and of the Theatre of the Absurd: The Lesson, and The Chairs.
After undergraduate and after some time in Italy, I came to San Francisco, where I returned to my humble, modest roots as destitute and delusional "White Trash," living in the Tenderloin, under the care of numerous HIV/AIDS service organizations.
Through my ties to Larkin Street Youth Services, I met Peter Carpou (former member of the Board of Directors of the Intersection for the Arts), who in turn facilitated my acceptance on full scholarship into the 2004 Hybrid Project performance workshop series. that was my last theatrical experience to date, as shortly thereafter, my multiple disabilities truly debilitated me.
For the years following that major milestone performance opportunity for me, my life has been marred by physical, mental, emotional and behavioral deterioration, destruction and disease. Thus, i have been on somewhat of a forced sabbatical, and in a state of what seems to be terminal separation and disjuncture with my art.
Only in the last year have I been blessed with the great fortune of finding the necessary guidance to be led through a long and arduous rehabilitation and recovery process; which, in turn, I would like to see culminate this time in my participation as a Sins Invalid Artist In Residence.
WHAT IS YOUR DISABILITY, AND/OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO THE DISABILITY COMMUNITY?
I'll approach this question systematically and succinctly, to defer all elaborate provocations to my other answers.
I have lived through debilitating, disabling HIV/AIDS, a nine month schizo-delusional messianic psychosis induced by use of crystal meth, as well as substance abuse and HIV/AIDS-related PCP pneumonia and a poly-microbial necrotizing bacterial infection of my face, which subsequently led to the state in which I find myself now: disgruntled, disfigured, dismantled and deformed -- devoid of all natural, tangible beauty -- left only to fight furiously and ferociously through my own "faggotry" and foggy memories to find my beauty again.
My relationship to the disability community has thus far been tangential and only dictated by the circumstance(s) of my hospitalization(s). I have for a long while (since my injury & illness, and after witnessing the atrocious destruction of my face, my nose, my jaw, my mouth, my lips, and my smile) refused to associate with the "disfigured" community. I have feared reprisal by those plenty proud people who have suffered trauma after trauma far worse than mine, and who have been torn to pieces physically.
I can and do wear a mast to cover my reconstructed contortion of a face, while many other victims of facial or body trauma cannot (or simply will not!) wear masks or costumes to hide their "variances." Shocking! -- the contrivances, consequences and coincidence of how the study and wearing of a myriad of masks and costumes has profoundly defined my artistic and personal life (or plagued it!), all along.
But, i have begun to reach out, more recently. I was introduced to Sins Invalid and the AIR Program by a burn survivor and new found friend of mine: James Anthony Bosch. It is with his support and encouragement that I am taking a gargantuan leap forward into the (hopefully, as he says they'll be) welcoming arms of the disabled and disfigured communities.
I want to use my participation in the Sins Invalid AIR Program to reconcile my own immense tragedies and turmoil with the tremendous amount of talent and blessing with which I have been gifted throughout my life, even still now.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE AN ARTIST IN RESIDENCE? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO BRING TO THE PROJECT? WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO GET FROM THE EXPERIENCE?
Upon viewing the Sins Invalid website, with accompanying photo and video documentation of past performances by the company, I have been mesmerized and dually inspired by the profoundly beautiful artistry the organization evokes in its work: "AN UNSHAMED CLAIM TO BEAUTY IN THE FACE OF INVISIBILITY!!" Beauty within! My creative energy has been critically and conspicuously resuscitated by the images and sounds, pictures and poetry that I have witnessed by Sins Invalid, and I most deeply desire to be part of this phenomenon, this movement, this corpus of performance work, and in the company of this genuine and genius mastery of craft.
More importantly however, I crave the opportunity to use my participation in the Sins Invalid Artists In Residence Program as a vehicle and/or mechanism for reconciling myself with my myriad of disabilities and disfigurement(s).
I have known for years that the story of my life and my struggles could ans would easily lent itself to the creative process of artistic performance and storytelling on stage. With a full year (or more!) of committed rehabilitation and recovery under my tightened belt, I feel entirely ready now to be led on the journey toward discovering the "evocative enunciation of my sacred self."
What I have to bring to the project are the highest standards of professionalism and the study, practice and mastery of diverse performance traditions; as well as intellect and creativity of stellar proportions; courage in face of a face deface and disfigured; a desire to grow and change and further develop my craft, my psyche, my spirituality, my sobriety, my sanity and my health. I also will bring ambition, determination, enthusiasm, and an ostensibly blank slate upon which might be sketched or etched or sculpted the next masterful Thinker.
WHAT IS YOUR ARTIST DREAM? DESCRIBE THE BOOK, PLAY, SONG, PERFORMANCE OR PROJECT YOU'D LOVE TO CREATE...
- SEMI-AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL EXPERIMENTAL PERFORMANCE PIECE : that would prove an affront to aesthetic prejudices and judgments of the status quo, by confounding an audience through the "evocative enunciation of my sacred self." I'd like to use this performance project, as I've said previously, to reconcile with my demons and to demonstrate that true beauty transcends the physical. I can't say much more on the subject, because the idea is still percolating in my mind. But, I know that the Sins Invalid AIR Program would be a pivotal, integral platform for creating such a piece.
- CRYSTALINE: NYMPHO, NARCOTIC FEROCIOUS FIEND OF A FREAK SHOW (a.k.a., "TWEAKER MONSTER") : Incorporating much of my LeCoq and mime training along with situational real-world improvisation technique and the modern Japanese Butoh tradition, I dream of creating an androgynous drag persona that can be "performed" interactively in popular night clubs and gay sex dens; one which is characterized by absurd nymphomania, absence of human touch boundaries, and ultra-concentrated sexual and emotional perversion. I envision that the persona might live amongst the crowds in these locales to breakdown walls and stereotypes and above all to frighten/shock/disgust subjects into realizing that crystal meth is a destructive, disruptive, deranged, debilitating, disfiguring, demonizing disease of an addiction: a monstrosity!! This persona might be something I'd be compelled to workshop as a participant in the AIR Program, in addition to or instead of a semi-autobiographical piece. Perhaps, the two projects could be synthesized and meshed together into one unified performance motif. If not, then I'll just incubate this particular idea until further opportunities for its development present themselves.
- A NATIONAL EXPERIMENTAL QUEER PERFORMANCE CONSERVATORY : I aspire to obtain a PhD in Performance Studies either from Berkeley, Brown, NYU, Northwestern or UCLA, with an overarching focus on variant forms of contemporary experimental queer performance and with an emphasis on the aesthetic, historical and theoretical analysis of the art of Drag Performance around the globe. The Conservatory, which I hope to found once I earn a reputation as one of the nation's leading academic experts and performance masters of these variant genres of theatre, would offer BA/BFA and MA/MFA degrees similar to those which were award by the Experimental Performance Institute (EPI) of New College of California at San Francisco, when it was still extant. Tracts of study would include: a.) Social Activism & Agitprop in Performance, b.) Gender, Sexuality & the Stage; as well as specializations in c.) The Performance of Disease, Disability & Stigma; and of course, d.) DRAG!! I want the Conservatory to be breeding ground for drag ingénues and masters of the craft, where they might be able and invited to (re)define/refine their technique and practice ... where the common colloquial drag performer can come to learn and apply time-tested performance traditions and methodologies to the creation of multiple personae and in multiple performance styles. The Conservatory would be a platform upon which young and old drag performers, alike, could gain the skills and creative tools necessary to create art that transcends the kitsch and camp (while still respecting the kitsch and camp roots of the craft), thus entering or accessing the noblest pantheon of performance arts.
- THE HARROWING, HILARIOUS HISTORY, AESTHETICS, ANTICS & HOW-TO'S OF DRAG PERFORMANCE : an interactive, illustrated academic/instructional book on the complete history, globally variant aesthetic traditions, diversity of performance styles, subject-matter, song-choice, practice and culture of DRAG Performance. This book, I envision, will be somewhat of an interactive, instructional anthology of drag performance studies, written entirely in partnership with acclaimed drag artists and authors. This book would be kitsch and classy, camp and contemplative, challenging to the nth degree, but coy and cute, sexy and sultry: an astutely academic, scholarly work disguised as a coffee table trinket or toy.
- TRANSLATION, DIRECTION & DESIGN OF AN EXPERIMENT QUEER or GENDER VARIANT PRODUCTION OF LES MAMELLES DE TIRÉSIAS : The Tits of Teresias!! I think I want to save this for graduate school!! But, who knows? It could be my ticket into graduate school....
In my opinion, however harsh and self-critical I may be, the interview seemed a bit disjointed and convoluted on my part, as it was happening. But I found some comfortable in the fact that Nomy kept asking me to repeat word-for-word what exactly I had previously said, so that she could write it down. At first, I thought this quite awkward and unconventional of her, but then it became clear to me that she was so intent on recording my exact words, because they must have been well enough construed (and my statements well enough constructed) to have an impact and to impress her.
So, for me, in my impression, this was a good sign. Apparently so... But, I'll have to ask her about that in person. Maybe, she'll shoot my ego down back to ground zero, admitting that she was only following procedure, but until she diminishes my feeling of accomplishment (however gently she may coax me down from aloft!), I will stick with my gut feelings.
See, I didn't have any previous works to exhibit to the Sins Invalid AIR Program judges. There exists no real, tangible record of any of my past performances. Trust me! I went to great lengths to search out photos and videos or even audio recordings of my past performances, but to no avail. I kept coming up short, at every turn. All the judges could go off of was my application and the blog to which I am posting said application at this moment. And of course, my blog has video and audio embedded into it: all original "productions" by me, of me, about me, featuring me. If anything, they found some distinguishable value in what little I had to show for myself and of my work. And for that I am grateful.
Now, as things progress forward, I just have to walk light footed, but hell bent on staying serious about my art and about playing, creating, experimenting, imagining a whole new world to come alive on the stage. I couldn't be more excited! The group of AIR Program participants seems like a phenomenally diverse, eclectic and talented group of artist. I'm a bit intimidated, to tell you the truth. Most everyone who is participating in the inaugural Sins Invalid AIR Program is a professional or semi-professional writer. I, on the other hand, just dabble.
And oh damn, don't I dumbly display my minimally megalo-magnificent meanderings through doodles and droolings of dastardly devious dexterity of wit? If you would call it wit, wonder if it be pitifully witty to wander wayward with unwavering wise-ass-ity to widdle away a wee few words of way wrong wisdom, leaving the long lost laboring minds of many to wander with me wondering what this wacko for there went. EWWWWWWWWW. ALLITERATION IS MY DEMISE! Quote me on that... And with that, I am outtie! Cheers! Ciao! Namaste!
Respectfully submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA USA
[2010.05.12@15:25PST]
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