WHY I WALK? (Part Two) : @AIDSWalkSF

HELP SUPPORT My Week-Long Fundraising Pledge...

http://eepurl.com/eJmaI – PLEASE HELP Matthew Blanchard (a.k.a. QHereKidSF) SURPASS his week-long $500 fundraising pledge in support of Bay Area Young Positives, Inc.!

AIDS Walk San Francisco 2011

WHY I WALK? (Part Two)

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HELP SURPASS My $500 Fundraising Pledge!

Donations directly benefit Bay Area Young Positives, Inc.

http://awsf2011.kintera.org/qherekidsf

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With a soft, unpretending and polite voice: a voice ripe with care, compassion and empathy, my younger sister described to me the “difficult challenge” she and other of my closest family members faced back in late 2007 – at the dawn of a miracle and at the dusk of my demise! – when they were forced to confront the very real possibility of my overdose-induced, HIV/AIDS-related death.

Once my diseased, decomposing & comatose body was rushed to the hospital, doctors began their valiant efforts to alleviate my pneumonia, to restore function to my failing kidneys, and to combat – in hopes to conquer! – the poly-microbial necrotizing bacterial infection that had already succeeded in turning the once gentle and happy contours of my handsome smile into a putrid mess of blackened corroded flesh.

The initial prognosis of my critically weakened health was so bleak that doctors were compelled – if not forced by a strict code of ethics! – to contact my family. A triage team of medical care providers informed my closest relatives of my terrible condition, urged my loved ones to ready themselves for my impending death, and requested that they thoughtfully considering together exactly how I would have liked the final directives of my life to be executed.

The story my sister told of my family's own insufferable worry in response to the dreadful possibility of my death fell from her thoughts with surprised suspense:

It was incredible! One day, we were being told that it’d be best for us to prepare for the end. A week later, doctors called again to report that you were stabilizing. Days later, you were still critical but were responding to exterior stimuli. After another week, your foggy eyes peeked open into consciousness. Then, soon enough, you were responding to visual stimuli and were taken off life support.

Before we could catch our breath and put away thoughts of your possible death, you were on the phone with us trying so desperately to communicate your excitement, without a mouth, in spats of very happy giggles, grunts, and moaning. What a roller-coaster; you can imagine! It was a miracle – no question! And, that’s a lot to be said coming from a twenty-something military wife who had long-ago lost her faith. But, only God does miracles; right?

In the glowing radiance of my miraculous rebound back to life from death, I can only attest to the life-saving, life-sustaining force and potential of the myriad members of my social-support and care-provider networks who have remained committed to empowering my continued growth and holistic healing beyond the uncertainty of fragile health, forward toward psycho-social and physical wellness, and in the direction of a complete fulfillment of my ideal future self.

Thanks to vital contributions by countless community-based HIV/AIDS Prevention & Care Service agencies, such as those throughout the San Francisco Bay Area who will most directly benefit from the fundraising efforts of over 25,000 AIDS Walk San Francisco 2011 participants, I have been empowered to make good of these miracles of prolonged life and second chances that have been gifted to me either by God or by science – or both! Who knows?

Without the unrelenting and selfless support of the numerous humble heroes of both my care-provider and social-support networks, I would surely not have been able to sustain my course toward prolonged survival and eventual success in life. This is why I walk!

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Thanks to each of my friends, family members, care providers, and colleagues for your enduring compassion and support! At present, with $450.00 already raised in just under three days, I find myself rejoicing in this unique opportunity I have to witness the direct impact of your generous contributions to my cause.

In grateful recognition of the valued generosity of donors to my cause, each of my supporters who contributes a charitable gift in the amount of or exceeding $25.00 USD, via my Fundraising Portal, shall receive a special note of thanks hand-written on stationery that features a high-quality digital print copy of one of my limited edition hand-crafted rubber block-cut floral prints – in periwinkle and white on brown (as featured above).

http://awsf2011.kintera.org/qherekidsf

Likewise, I hereby commit to keeping all of the many generous donors to my cause well informed of their impact, as the Board of Directors and staff of Bay Area Young Positives, Inc. strives to thrive for several more years to come, in support of all Bay Area youth infected and/or affected by HIV/AIDS. Thanks again!! Cheers! Ciao & Namaste...

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In grateful honor of those innumerable heroes who have helped me redeem my right to live, to survive, to strive, and to thrive in hope, while faced with a disabling AIDS diagnosis, I am planning to participate in the 25th Annual AIDS Walk San Francisco - July 17, 2011!

As a Member of the Board of Directors of Bay Area Young Positives, Inc., one of the San Francisco AIDS Foundation Community Partners (Team #8088), I am committed to raising a minimum of $500 for my organization, during this week prior to the event.

All charitable funds raised by board members and staff of AIDS Walk Beneficiary Organizations will be allocated in full directly back to those participating nonprofit agencies. So, please consider contributing to my fundraising efforts in support of BAY Positives, via my personal Fundraising Portal:

http://awsf2011.kintera.org/qherekidsf

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AIDS Walk San Francisco is organized by and benefits the San Francisco AIDS Foundation, as well as HIV/AIDS Prevention & Care Services throughout the Bay Area.

San Francisco AIDS Foundation works to end the HIV epidemic in the city where it began, and eventually everywhere. Established in 1982, our mission is the radical reduction of new infections in San Francisco because we refuse to accept HIV as inevitable. Through education, advocacy and direct services for prevention and care, we are confronting HIV in communities most vulnerable to the disease.

San Francisco AIDS Foundation is guided by a strategic plan with three ambitious goals aimed at radically reducing new infections in San Francisco by 2015.

GOAL 1: Reduce new HIV infections in San Francisco by 50%
Leveraging scientific research and community knowledge we will devise new approaches and ensure that federal, state and local legislation supports a climate hospitable to effective HIV prevention.

GOAL 2: Ensure all San Franciscans know their current HIV status
We are expanding advocacy and public education about the benefits of testing, determining the feasibility of citywide HIV screening, and optimizing our own and others’ capacity to provide HIV testing.

GOAL 3: Ensure access to proper care for all HIV-positive San Franciscans
As the epidemic evolves, we are evolving our targeted programs to improve the health of people with HIV and AIDS, from housing and medical referrals to group support and services that address mental health and substance use among populations most vulnerable to HIV.

© 2011 San Francisco AIDS Foundation | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
1035 Market Street, Ste 400 | San Francisco, CA 94103
www.sfaf.org | +1.415.487.3000 (main) | feedback@sfaf.org

FOR MORE INFORMATION:
Matthew D. Blanchard
Member, Board of Directors
Bay Area Young Positives, Inc.
http://www.baypositives.org
matthew@baypositives.org
+1.415.487.1616 (main)
+1.415.487.1617 (fax)

http://eepurl.com/eJmaI

COPYRIGHT © 2011 Bay Area Young Positives, Inc. | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

baypositives.org | 701 Oak Street, San Francisco, CA 94117 | info@baypositives.org

Respectfully submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
matthew@qherekidsf.com
San Francisco, CA USA
[20110713T061237PST]

YouTube® - DIRTY LITTLE MERMAID!!

UP WHERE THEY BANG. UP WHERE THEY BONE.

This ludic, lascivious and salaciously sex-ified, unadulterated pornographic version of Alan Mencken's Part Of That World from Disney's animated masterpiece "The Little Mermaid," is rife with explicitly raunchy content that is only tempered by the calm, quaint, quintessentially Mencken balladry of its melodic serenade, its tender timbres and tonalities. 

The new lyrics, apparently written and performed by a Brown University sketch comedy group "Out Of Bounds," strike the perfect chord contrary to the adolescent nature of the music, to create something quite perturbing, post-pubescent and like was said, pornographic. The explicit nature of the lyrics juxtaposed with the original score is strikingly hilarious, riotously ridiculous; it soils the tongue and wounds the ears with perfect antitheses... What an amazing PARODY!! I'd recommend it to anyone!!



http://youtu.be/sNYDpH0Jors, posted by Nuclearknight77 (Oct. 23, 2006)

"Betcha on land they'd understand, and they don't f*ck over their daughters!
Wouldn't I love, love to f*ck like they do up above!... What is gonorrhea and why does it (what's the word?) -- BURN?... What would I give if I could have a VAGINA?..." 
A perverse, ludic, lascivious rendition of Alan MENCKEN'S  Part Of That World, from Disney's animated masterpiece "The Little Mermaid," with parodic lyrics by Boston University's sketch comedy group "Out Of Bounds."

Care to catch a glimpse of / listen to a right ridiculously point-on teaser to my Sins Invalid A.I.R. performance piece?? While the "Out Of Bounds" version of Part Of That World remains loyal to the balladic tempo, rhythm, melody and tune of the original, my deconstruction of the song will be resoundingly more punk-rockish, given the background, proclivity & inclinations of my accompanist & composer: Colleen Nagle. Check her out at http://subamerica.org or @subamerica on Twitter®!!! 

Can't wait to debut Phoenix a'Fire!! Our even more ludic, lascivious, salacious, sickeningly perverse and pornographic version of this song. Wait for it!! We'll be showcasing our work at Theatre Artaud (San Francisco, CA) sometime in December 2010...

Respectfully submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA USA
[20100807T030327PST]

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UBIQUITY OF MY UGLINESS...

Years before a corrosive, killer HIV/AIDS and Crystal Meth Combo cut a gaping hole in the middle of my face, stealing of me my beauty in one nightmarish turn of a page, a more curious and less caustic HIV/AIDS Crystal Meth Combo calamitously curtailed my intellectual and creative development.

The first chaotic combo interrupted and/or either suspended my bright young life for a good long while by stealing of me my sanity, my serenity and by forcing me into a manic messianic schizo-delusional psychosis.

Coincidentally, while my second doomsday downfall damn near destroyed all real remnants of my tangible, physical beauty, the AIDS & Crystal Meth Combo of my first foray with death through delusions brought be into a celestially sublime connection with the pure essence of beauty.

Back when the better bastion of boyhood me beamed smiling and sexy, you would have heard me brag in brash whispers of secrecy that my unmitigated drug dependency, coupled with my not-yet-medicated, unmonitored manic depression and HIV/AIDS disease likely stole a few good inches from my inseam and waist line. Drugs, depression and disease had turned me into the tweaked-out top-hungry twenty-something twink slut barebacking bottom boy I was better off born to me. By God!!

With legs freshly shaven, I used to like to try my way at prancing and dancing in heals. I had the posture of a princess back then, or better yet, of a QUEEN!! Taut, toned, tender and tanned, my thighs tightly tucked into tawdry, sultry, see-through silk-striped stockings, topped with frilly, flamboyant, fluorescent pink tutus & leotards, a black leather-laced bodice and breasts of bagged basmati. I dreamed of doing DRAG!!... And, my delusions brought me as close as I'd ever be to a diva's starlit status.

What are the odds that a poor, sorry, solitary, sad, sick, insane queer kid for sale on the streets of Skid Row, new to San Francisco, might remember in rich vivid clarity, in multi-dimensional Technicolor timbres and tonalities, his actual psychological demise from climax to cure, from onset to overture? Well, I do!!

I recall with great delight the drug-induced, yet truly transmundane delusions that seemed — For six months, let's say! That's a safe bet. — more reasonable and real, more true to me than ordinary and onerous everyday life, thanks to the immaculate bliss and beauty that back-lit every waking instant of my insanity.

Yet I couldn't, wouldn't waiver on the whims of consciousness long enough to remember much the long stretch of days three years ago that would prove to be so much more dramatically life-changing for me: twelve days of comatose confinement caged up in my stuffy, sterile studio, asleep, unconscious. My face pressed flat onto a putrid, pestilent pillow, under the heavy weight of my aching, dying brain. Saliva dripping down my cheek and chin to the sullied, soiled, sickening sheets only to invite infection in!!

Context may help! ... Here goes!! Far before October 2007, when I was found alone, half-dead in my apartment; on the brink of dehydration, starvation and brain damage; desperately in need of dialysis; having survived only by some heavenly happenstance the devastating detriment of PCP pneumonia and a necrotizing poly-microbial bacterial infection of the face... Far before a team of California's leading diagnosticians, doctors and surgeons attempted valiantly yet albeit failed so sorely to salvage my once so cute and charismatic, gorgeous gay boy grin...

Far before I woke from coma to gasp and gawk at my godforsaken, gruesomely grotesque, ghastly, ghoulish gaping hole of a grimace, I was so long ago quite blessed — Or cursed? However the story goes! — to have had a right entrancing, sexy smile.

Before my brutal, bestial, ferocious fall from grace and yet thanks still then too to drugs, depression and disease, I could boast the beauty of a primped, polished pansy boy physique made potent by the unrelenting rush of salacious, sex-crazed hedonism which happened to hammer out haphazardly into hormonal hot flashes and "meth'merized" highs.

Oh!! And shan't I forget the illicit, alluring beauty of my tight little tush and thighs that tempted and fed far too many a head-spun, tail-furious tweaker top tucked away either between the bathhouse backrooms of Berkeley or beneath the bent, broken branches and burning bush there best past bedtime in Buena Vista Park.

Now, today, post-op eleven-fold with twelve more surgical reconstructions on the books, I'm nothing but a torn, tattered tapestry of scars, skin grafts and flaps of flesh festooning my funny, freakish face.

My legs, once softened and smoothed by the razor's edge, are now covered in patches of naked, hairless, flimsy flesh only a few layers fine. Coincidence now predominates, for the large surgical scar that defiles to devastating depths my sorry specimen of a lower left leg seems to be far smoother and softer, far more delicate and lady-like that it e'er had been before, despite the patterned ripples of a serrated texture that rises and rolls along the "miscontours" of my crippled calf.

I should be thankful then that hair still groups from the pair of embossed rectangular skin graft scars that are slowly fading from the front of my lower left thigh. But, I'm not grateful to have my torso tarnished by the twisted pucker of a scar in the middle of my gut where a G.I. tube once hung for fourteen months, two weeks and five days past the point it first proved futile at feeding me.

I call it my "Octo-Orifice!!;" although, it's shut tight & leaks no more. I call it also my "Second Bellybutton," because in all actuality, that's exactly what it is. Yet, instead of being nourished by placenta pumped to my stomach through an umbilical cord, I was this second time around, at the moment of my rebirth, fed synthetic, high-protein, carb-loaded "blender'ized" slop seeped into me through a twelve foot long number three plastic tube that hung between my belly and an upside down bottle of so-called sustenance like a drip-line. In all actuality, that's exactly what it was...

Moving onward and upward, we arrive at the loosely bandaged, still wide open hole in my neck, where my tracheotomy tube once hung. Honestly, I don't know whether or not I am more grateful to be rid of the tube that took so much time and attention to tend to, or if I am madly resentful of my own eight layers of healthy, still living skin and of the thick musculature of my tender trachea for taking so long a time to heal up and seal up.

So, still I wait... Committed to a daily ritual of stripping Xeroform® and four-by-four gauze sponges from the sweaty, scratchy hole in my neck, still I wait... I wait only still to be enslaved to a stolid, chin-strapped schedule for showering, in which I must each morn tightly velcro a water-hazard choke-guard security-sheath above my shoulders and below my chin, before stepping in to let my cleansing begin.

No wonder that I avoid the shower spigot like SARS or Swine Flu: the plagues which passersby suppose sicken me. ME! The sorry, sad face behind the surgical mask who meanders mindlessly, miserably amid mankind's miscreant misjudgments of much of my own mad, mad melancholic misfortune.

And, By God!! I sure as hell am not one infinitesimally small grain of grit grateful for this muddled mutant monstrosity of a quasimodo mouth I've been melded into for the moment. I don't have enough fingers or toes or hairs growing from my forehead flap of a nose... There are a lot of them; mind you! Bet your life on it! Hairs grow hoggishly long and hamstrung from the impenetrable depths of my makeshift nostril, nose and septum to curl down the coarse discolored curvature of my leg flap look-alike lip. And, Hell Man!! Fuck!! Do they itch or what??

Truth be told; I don't even have enough holes, appendages, protrusions, flaps of flesh, scars or skin grafts on my body to be able to begin to count the magnanimous mind's eye momentum of hatred and disgust that I have for this gruesome, ghoulish, ghastly grin of mine!

And, Yet Alas!! I've stayed safe, sane and sober over one full year, and for what reason? Because despite the ubiquity of my bitterly unbecoming and brutish ugliness, I've somehow retained remnants and remembrances enough of a time in my life when in my bitterly unbecoming and brutish insanity, I discovered the true meaning of beauty.

Beyond the awkward, obtuse, abstract, anthropomorphic aesthetic of the Tina-torn, AIDS-quilted, quizzical contours of my monstrosity of a mouth, I seen endless opportunity for elaborate beautification and solemn self-betterment. Buried not too deeply behind the dug-out disfigurements of my blasphemed, begotten, brutalized body and face — For sure! I'm certain. — there lies alive immaculately innocent, blessedly beautiful baby blue boy eyes...

Respectfully Submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA USA
[2010.07.14@20:29PST]

AIDS IS A PERVASIVE PANDEMIC THAT BLEEDS THROUGH
THE LINES OF COLOR, CREED & CAPITULATES TO NO ONE BUT
THE POSITIVELY AWARE & PREVENTION-MINDED SURVIVORS.
— Matthew D. Blanchard

THE SUBJECT NO LONGER HAS TO BE MENTIONED BY NAME.
SOMEONE IS SICK. SOMEONE ELSE IS FEELING BETTER NOW.
A FRIEND HAS JUST GONE BACK INTO THE HOSPITAL.
ANOTHER HAS DIED. THE UNSPOKEN NAME, OF COURSE, IS AIDS.
— David W. Dunlap

OVER & OVER, THESE MEN CRY OUT AGAINST THE WEIGHT OF
SO MANY LOSSES — NOT JUST A LOVER DEAD, BUT FRIENDS,
AND FRIENDS OF FRIENDS, DOZENS OF THEM, UNTIL IT SEEMS
THAT AIDS IS ALL THERE IS AND ALL THERE EVER WILL BE.
— Jane Gross

Old Dreams Needn't Die [JFT, p. 167]

"Lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise."
[Basic Text, p. 91]

Most of us had dreams when we were young. Whether we dreamed of a dynamic career, a large and loving family, or travels abroad, our dreams died when our addiction took hold. anything we ever wanted for ourselves was cast away in our pursuit of drugs. Our dreams didn't go beyond the next drug and the euphoria we hoped it would bring.

Now in recovery, we find a reason to hope that our lost dreams could still come true. No matter how old we are, how much our addiction has taken from us, or how unlikely it may seem, our freedom from active addiction gives us the freedom to pursue our ambitions. We may discover that we're very talented at something, or find a hobby we love, or learn that continuing our education can bring remarkable rewards.

We used to put most of our energy into spinning excuses and rationalizations for our failures. Today, we go forward and make use of the many opportunities life presents to us. We may be amazed at what we're capable of. With our foundation of recovery, success, fulfillment, and satisfaction are within our reach at last.

Just for today: Starting today, I'll do whatever I can to realize my dreams.

©2010 Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

My meditation on this entry from the Narcotics Anonymous book, Just For Today, will be ripe with a certain degree of trepidation and doubt, as I have in recent days been faced with the daunting, disagreeable decision to end the working relationship I've had for the last ten and a half months with my sponsor. But, beyond all the fear and loathing lies an even more potent sense of self-satisfaction, coupled with an ubiquitously enthralling desire at last to claim my God-given right to a happy, home-bodied, not-all-too hamstrung, but hopeful future free from drug dependency (YES! I'd defend against that above all else!), disease, depression, destruction, denigration, denial, even perhaps... perchance by some off-willed shot of better than lazy luck, free from the indomitable dilemma(s) of my disfigurement, defined as dignity & disgust... (OOPS! SEE! That's where the doubt returns).

No more! Behind the doubt, perched proudly smack-dab in front of it, or even surrounding it entirely, exists my desire for a future. Beyond the stark surreality of my sins and sufferance(s) where realism takes hold again of the pious, pompous pedantry and post-dramatic spectacle of my insanity, there thrives an elaborate, extant and evocative desire for me to realize my dreams. Yes, in fact, for sure! I damn near dutifully desire to realize my dreams: new and old, unkempt and coveted, clamorous or quiet...a calming cacophony! Dreams that mesmerize the mind with their miraculous magnitude and magnificence. Dreams defined and buttressed by second chances and serendipity, serenity, solemnity, solace, smiles, or sometimes even signified by the most astute sort of scholarly study. Dreams dignified or disgusting, determined, daring, but... DAMN! Don't say it: DASTARDLY!!

NO, Not dastardly!! In no right measure would or could my decent, dauntless day dreaming be defined as dastardly nor despicable, contemptible nor cowardly. No need to pause a single second to say this: MY DREAMS MAKE ME A HERO IN MY OWN RIGHT!! My dreams denounce damned near death-defied destruction, delay and/or deter me from dipping back down the drug-drenched drain of dependency, diminish the degree of my disfigurement to near null, nil, zilch, zero. I am a hero! Thank God for that! I am a hero, if even only to myself.

Upon commencing down this path of sobriety, I have harbored much concerted, conceited consternation and contempt for the camouflaged courtship of co-dependencies that curtails 12-Step Culture via its customarily candid confabulations which cheat their critics of a cause. Hence, I am a hero for saying, "NO!" when the time was ripe for change. I am a hero for crouching no longer to the crutch of cliches of cult-like mentality. I am a hero for taking a stand, as well as for dismissing myself of such contrivances in a calm, gentile, friendly fashion. I am a hero in so far as I have saved myself from the insufferable uncertainty, the doubt (as mentioned before, and so damned near always there!), and the guilt that goes with gaming it like the "good boys" do.

Why such unabashed bellowing forth of bombastic boomerang backlash boasting of my better-than-brethren beliefs? Admittedly, there is no need to exalt myself in these pages. I get enough exaltation from every new acquaintance I meet who may or may not be hearing my story for the first time, and then even more from friends and family. Perhaps, its too late now to veil myself in an air of modesty, and perchance never too soon to lament in lambasting myself for lethargy, lassitude and lackadaisicalness? Thus herein, I have willingly succumb to surreptitiously sullying my good name with self-aggrandizing, simply since I have been in such complete and utter awe — bewilderment, even! — of my circumstances and situation so far.

My life was spared by some Greater Power from the chance tragic misfortune of never waking from such insolence as that which destroyed me already once. Furthermore, in being spared, I have learned to reinvigorate my commitment to all the tempting, tempestuous, torrid and tantalizing tickle-me-pink pretty things in life that help me breathe and smile still, such as art (in all its myriad forms), altruism, fighting for a right(-eous) cause, the capricious cataloging of my contemplations (just 'cause there's nothing else better left to do!), creative expression, academic pursuits, professional development, even people whom I hold dear to my heart, or hearts I hold close to my mind... Not to mention, Faith, religion, practice, prayer and communion with the Lord. I have a special affinity for my Higher Power, just as (S)/He holds me in high esteem, and that is plenty good news to keep me moving in a right(-eous) direction.

In closing, let me be a little less illusive with my tangled threads of thought, to speak conspicuously of the immense challenge that I faced until just recently. You see, I read this entry from Just For Today a week prior to its scheduled share, just because coincidentally, I was curious as to what my future held. When I read this entry for the first time, I found myself catapulted from a certain standstill stagnation of indecision and indecency toward a real awakening, or better yet toward a resolution. Immediately after first reading this entry a week ago, I sat down in calm, collected reserve, but with a certain sense of resolve and satisfaction, to draft a letter to my sponsor requesting that we terminate our relationship.

Why do such a thing? What on earth could have prompted such a move? Or better yet, what could have preempted it? I'll tell you what, squarely and straightforward, "Nothing!" What possessed me to even organize words on paper enough to fire my sponsor? I'll explain, briefly:

Ever since I entered into our sponsorship, I have been battling a resounding and resilient voice inside my head telling me that my sponsor was only holding me back. It got so bad early on, that it led to my acting out — not using, but buying a dog without his "permission" or joining the Board of Directors of a local Bay Area HIV/AIDS Youth Advocacy Nonprofit without first going to him for advice, not calling him at our scheduled times, lashing out when I felt mistook as nothing more than an anonymous client of sorts — not as a friend! Getting angry, sending exceedingly immature, melodramatic and hurtful text messages to him and another fellow when I was on the brink of quitting the program, and the list goes on... But all that outlandish behavior was ultimately rooted in a very real fear: I wasn't advancing through the program at a pace that I felt best suited my gifts and my potential...

Shall I put this into context for you? Let's just say that after tonight, when I slyly slipped my beautiful handcrafted stationery into my sponsor's pouch, it will have been a solid ten months and three and a half weeks since he and I began our fumbling foray through the fundamental tenants of 12-Step, and as of today, we hadn't even really breached Step Four. That averages out to be about four months per step!! So SLOW!! I mean, could we have gone any slower? I don't think so. I mean no offense to him however, for I know he only had the best of intentions for me at heart.

It's just that our pace wasn't in sync at all. And combine with that the disturbing suspicion that my sponsor was holding me back from realizing my calling: that is to say, prohibiting me from sharing at large speaker meetings, or from sponsoring a newcomer myself, or even just making simple and necessary life decisions, such as whether or not to apply for a job, or increase my commitment to my nonprofit, etc.

I know that everyone who reads this is going to have their own distinct and strident opinions about my choice to abandon my sponsor (especially if you are in the Fellowship!!), but let me tell you!! Since giving him that letter, I feel so damn free!! Focused!! Centered!! My sobriety has been reinforced and re-energized, justified even in my own head. Where once I had been shackled to my sponsor's own dogmatic determination to develop my sobriety at a snail's pace, unable and essentially prohibited from pursuing my dreams, now I have all my dreams spread out before me, beckoning me onward and upward toward accomplishment and contribution(s), toward learning and legacy...

See! I took this entry in the NA Meditation Book, Just For Today, very seriously. I told myself: "Just For Today, starting today, I will do whatever I can to realize my dreams." It's just too damn bad that I had to fire my sponsor for the sake of dreaming big, 'cause I sure as hell would have enjoyed having him at my side as I begin to conquer one new found challenge or obstacle after another, working ever so closer to some of the solid, surefire goals I've had a mind to accomplish for the past eight years... We'll see what happens, now!! God Bless You, JJ!!

Respectfully Submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
[MDB2010.06.16@00:48]

ISRAEL&I : Preserving Progress

Evidence of an enduring friendship. Remarks made to console and cajole into contemplation the otherwise tamed vacancies of intellect that bridal us with ignorance and loathing prejudices. This essay is not meant to proselytize about the potency of or the pandemonium in the Israeli State, but rather, this blog entry is meant to demonstrate the intense intimacy of my relationship with my next door neighbor and In-Home Supportive Services provider: my friend, Israel R. Toro.

The following is text of a letter I recently wrote to Israel, which he will not have yet read by the time this post is published. Maybe he'll get a hint that a letter's waiting for him, when he sees a notification of this blog entry post on my Facebook Profile. This would mean that he has access to the text of the letter without having the illustrated pages in his hands first, but that's okay.  It'll still be something special for him to receive the hand-written four page letter in person when he returns from vacation in about a week.  At least, that's my hope!

Dear Israel,
Today, you left on a camping trip with your boyfriend to Washington State, where there's quick sand and where you're going to be soaked with rain. I'm home alone, listening to the silence through my walls, re-reading the hand-written note you posted to my oven fan and the text messages you sent me earlier in the day. I can't help but play back the conversation we had sitting at my kitchen table, recalling your anxiety at the thought that I possibly will no longer be your neighbor.

Frankly, I regret having been so caught up in my own excitement at the prospect of transitioning finally into independence and (hopefully!) better circumstances, that I didn't have forethought enough to anticipate your reaction or to consider your feelings. And, for that I am deeply sorry. On the other hand, I feel blessed by your reaction. Why? How? You might ask... It may seem insensitive of me to find satisfaction in your frustration and worry, but let me explain...

Through the harrowing happenstance of disease, depression disfigurement, delusions, devastation, death -- but, then through survival, salvation, sanity, sobriety, sympathy, serendipity, solace, surety, safety, serenity and yes, even through some selfish satisfaction for it all! -- I have come to believe that only one thing can sustain me in life, onward from my fight with death, and that is... FRIENDSHIP!!


Friendship is essential to my life, and since I call you proudly and gratefully a friend -- you are absolutely essential to my life. Your unexpected reaction -- unexpected to me, at least -- to some unexpected news essentially demonstrated the deep, genuine sincerity of our relationship, making real and tangible to me the enormous significance and value you bring to my life.


Essentially, by reacting with such shock, fear, anxiety and very real sadness at the prospect of losing your proximity to me, you proved to me how essential -- how necessary -- you are to my life, to my survival, and to my happiness. Don't you see now why and how I could/did find some satisfaction in your suffering?


Your pain made me happy for a brief moment, but as soon as I realized that what I was feeling could very well be wrong (or at least totally inappropriate and shameful), I shifted my perspective and my focus onto you. My focus right now is not on this satisfaction of mine that I've defined here, but it's on abetting your worry, healing your anxiety and pain by reassuring yu that I will do whatever I can that is humanly possible to preserve the status, shape, sincerity, intimacy, growth and progress of our friendship, if I am no longer to be your neighbor.

You make me happy, Israel!! You make me laugh. You make me worry. You make me proud. You make me feel lucky, special, unique, grateful...as friends should do!! I guess really that's exactly just what I want to say, and I want to thank you for saying yes, when I asked you to be my IHSS worker.  Thank you for hanging out with me when times were low. Thanks for supporting my sobriety, my health, my sanity.  Thank you for taking suck great care of me and Tanner!! 

You deserve so much gratitude in return for all the generous gifts, sympathy and friendship that you have bestowed upon me in the past seven years as my neighbor, and especially for the sacrifices that you have recently made (and that I hope you will continue to make) as my in-home care provider. 


The mutual reciprocity of our relationship (personal/professional, or otherwise!) is what gives us such trust, intimacy, potency, pride and strength when we're together; and for that, I hope never to lose you -- or our friendship. I WILL FIGHT TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH FOR YOU!! Because, in fighting to preserve our relationship, I fight also to keep my life on track, heading in the "right" direction.


NO! I don't mean to insinuate that I'm going to turn Republican on you , but I do in a way mean to say "CONSERVATIVE" -- in such a way that I'd like to conserve/preserve all the greatness, the grandeur, the bliss that has found its way into my life recently; thanks to you. BUT, I'M A TRUE PROGRESSIVE! I believe in PROGRESS. 


As my priest would say: "We are all imperfect people reaching, aiming for perfection." I personally do not know if I will ever reach perfection before I die, or if it will instead come posthumously once I enter into the gardens of ELYSIUM, but I know that in the meantime, I will only act in God's graces, and I will only surround myself with people like you. People who are not "perfect" -- per se, but whose indomitable strength of spirit only supports, encourages, buttresses (and does not contend with contemptuously) my journey toward perfection. Those who join the journey with me, only to follow their own path in the same general direction. 


That is why you are in my life. Because, in your support and through our friendship, we both come all that much clsoer to enlightenment, salvation, redemption and perfection. You sustain and nurture, cultivate and catalyze my shaping of self. And I can only dream of doing the same for you. In brotherhood, Israel, our love for one another endures... Know that I cherish you, and that there will always be a place for you in my life. Forever. THANKS!!


With Love,
Matthew

I wanted to post this text prior to delivering the letter to Israel himself, because the simple act of writing these words has inspired in me a sense of urgency in recognizing and recording the significance of this very important relationship in my life. 

What's true is that I enjoy writing (and illustrating) letters by hand to the people most important in my life; in small part, because I figure that if one day I reach infamy or celebrity or renown, then such hand-written souvenirs could be cherished as truly valuable objects. But, my immediate aim in not to reach renown. I'm not presumptuous, or even pompous enough to think that celebrity is a possibility for me in any way, so I'll settle for touching the hearts of those few and far between important people in my life who merit such gifts of graphic gab scribbled onto loose leaf paper. That's what I hope to do with this letter: touch Israel's heart! 

Maybe he'll read my blog post via Facebook, and either comment there or access my blog's true URL: http://qherekidsf.blogspot.com, to leave a comment there. We'll see!  Maybe, he'll just read the letter on loose leaf and give me one ginormous grateful, gentlemanly bear hug!! GRRRRRR. CHUB!! :) Peace Out, All! And Peace, especially to Israel! May he have a safe voyage home, and may our friendship survive the tempests and turmoil of time!!  Truth be told, he's tamed me. My gratitude is immeasurable. THANKS, IZ!!

Respectfully Submitted,
Matthew D. Blanchard
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
San Francisco, CA USA
[2010.05.29@18:40PST]

"Starscapes & Typography" [no.# 5-6]

Keeping with my practice of regularly posting my original nameplate illustrations, once they are complete & scanned into my computer, I'd like to present two new additions to my "STARSCAPES & TYPOGRAPHY" series. In presenting these design illustrations, I'd like also to speak briefly of the persons for which my art was designed, because it is often these recipients who have had and continue to have a profound impact on my life today. They deserve the gift of art, and I hope that they will cherish these works & display them with pride to their friends and family.

First, I feel rather obliged to speak my sobering thoughts of underlying shame and regret that presently inhibit my relationship with the recipient of this first name plate (of whom my readers have already heard plenty of thoughts & impressions from me in past posts to my blog): WALLACE (WES) SMITH.

"STARSCAPES & TYPOGRAPHY [no.#5] : WALLACE (WES) SMITH"
©2009 QHereKidSF | Matthew Blanchard | San Francisco, CA USA

You see, as I am presently residing in a substance abuse recovery facility and am overwhelmed by a very full schedule of day treatment and evening meeting, as well as by the additional work I do as a volunteer for the new international development nonprofit of which my best friend, Peter Maybarduk, is Acting Director & Vice-President of the Board: IPPSL | International Professional Partnerships for Sierra Leone, Inc. (http://www.ippsl.org/ - Site Under Construction!).

The last few (or maybe even many) times I've written hangout time with WES into my schedule, I have often invited him back to my apartment to meet me there for fun and entertainment: a good time. But, shame on me! I have more often than not in the last few weeks failed to pay WES any attention, as I've been consumed with work on the computer & internet (specifically, for my nonprofit).

I have apologized repeatedly to WES for my inexcusable refusal to pay him any attention or to enjoy his company when he is here to support me in my time of transition and need, but apologies only go so far, before someone gets fed up with waiting for things to change and to receive what's due to them: respect! So, here I am telling on myself...disclosing my terrible behavior and promising to make a change and to make amends!!

I have every intention of dropping all other commitments, be they treatment or nonprofit work related, this coming Thursday, in order to give WES my full attention, so that we are able to enjoy our time together. And so that, he does not feel that I am taking him for granted. I cherish our friendship and all that he has sacrificed to send so much compassion, understanding and patience my way. I don't want to lose his support; that's for sure! So, things will change! Thursday, we'll do something special to entertain ourselves; I promise that as I state it here for the record. And rest assured! I will be sharing this blog post with WES, as soon as it has been published.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The recipient of my sixth STARSCAPES & TYPOGRAPHY nameplate illustration is a particularly robust and respectful man of faith who splits his professional time between Substance Abuse Treatment Counseling at Ferguson Place of Baker Places, Inc. and his service as a preacher for a small, liberal, progressive, culturally diverse Baptist Church not to far away from our facility on Divisadero Street. I'm sorry, at this time, I do not recall the name of his church, but will come back to this post and add it to the text here once I find out this information from one Rev. KEENAN R. BRANNER.

"REVERENCE & STARSCAPES [no.#1] : KEENAN R. BRANNER (Rev.)"
©2009 QHereKidSF | Matthew Blanchard | San Francisco, CA USA

I designed KEENAN's nameplate on paper with different proportions & measurements than my previous designs, so in order to distinguish this my most recent illustration, I've given it a unique title: "REVERENCE & STARSCAPES: Keenan R. Branner (Rev.)," completed only this morning after almost two months of slow but not at all tedious work. I hope he (as well as all of my followers) enjoys this design. I'm quite proud of it. He asked for a crucifix, and that is what I gave him!! What do you all think of this pencil drawing? Any ideas for the next nameplates I create?? I'd like to try something new with each additional illustration I do, so suggestions for innovation and change would be greatly appreciated. Thanks & Enjoy!!

Respectfully submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA 94109
[MDB2009.09.14@09:45PST]

"Starscapes & Typography" [no.# 4]

Adding to my recently posted collection of name designs & doodles in pencil, I've included (below) my newest design of "STARSCAPES & TYPOGRAPHY" [no.#4]: WALLACE (WES) SMITH—a redesign of my SHANTI volunteer's full name.

I was a bit disappointed with my first design for Wes (see previous post), because of the rather disjointed, unharmonious shape of his formal first name (WALLACE). I saw the design as too distracting, confusing and in a way, down right ugly, but I liked the starscape and arrows of that design.

So, I set out to re-conceptualize the design of Wes's first name, so that it would be more appealing to the eye; whil, as best I could, duplicating the overall aesthetic of the starscape & arrows. Here's the sketch, below!!:

I believe that I succeeded with this second design at creating a more powerful, compelling composition; even though, it's not perfectly centered or straight on the paper. What do you think? Any thoughts on how the design could be improved?

Wes, himself, seems to really enjoy the second design and appreciates the fact that I went through the trouble of revising the design for him in the first place. He says that he is going to post it on his work office bulletin board for all his colleagues to admire and to be reminded of me every time he looks at it, just in passing by. Aww! How sweet & sentimental!! I'm touched.

I'm proud of my work and am glad that Wes can share in that pride so enthusiastically. He's such a great guy! Now, I just need to decide whose name I will design next; I'll probably design my best friend's name: PETER MAYBARDUK. Because he totally deserves a gift for being such an amazing friend to me for almost 12 years. He's another amazing person!

I won't beg for feedback on this blog entry, like I always do, because I feel pretty confident about the design and don't necessarily need its success to be reinforced to me by random strangers. I happy with Wes's reaction; that's all that I need to be satisfied with my art work. But, if you want to offer some feedback as I have mentionned, please do so! I always am working to improve my doodles and to eventually one day begin to create real art! Thank you for even gazing upon this sketch of mine for Wes Smith, my SHANTI Volunteer. I appreciate having a space where I can exhibit my work, and will continue to do so in the future. Thanks! Cheers! Ciao! Peace Out! Namaste...

Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA 94109-7821
[MDB2009.06.18@08:28PMPST]

STUDY TRACK: Trans-Queer Art of Drag!!

The following is text of a journal entry I recently uploaded to my Last.fm profile, in response to revelations I had had upon listening to CHICK POP!! (Kelly Clarkson Radio) for the first time on this internet radio service. The POP DIVA music that was played to me when I entered "Kelly Clarkson" (and eventually "Madonna") as play topics in the radio station configuration widget ignited in me a deep, spontaneous desire to expound upon my penchant and proclivity for all things DRAG!! Please read this journal entry, and offer some feedback!!

Let me know what you think about my idea to study DRAG PERFORMANCE at the graduate level, and to begin my studies before applying to graduate school with extensive field research in San Francisco and in other locales where there might be a thriving experimental queer performance circuit. I imagine a career teaching & directing young, budding drag princes & princesses, and progressively developing a solid, critical theory & history & aesthic of the art of DRAG PERFORMANCE. It sounds like a righteous, awesome plan to me!! But, the question is...can I turn it into a graduate or post-graduation educational track and an eventual profession? And can I get funding to study such an avant-garde, alternative, peripheral form of art?

PLAYLISTS: ponderances of prettily
pontificated pleasure listening...
[ Last.fm JOURNAL Entry : 06.16.09 ]

Early this morning (or was it late last night? — I DON'T CARE!! I don't know!!), I randomly found myself linked to Last.fm on my computer, just listening for pleasure and to be introduced to new musical artists, as I sketched away in my drawing book and diary. I had nothing to do after reaching a moment of pause in my doodling, so I sat down to record tags and playlist (v.) certain songs that I had been listening to on the random, fagottry "flame-boi-ant-lee" FIERCE station "Artist - Kelly Clarkson Radio."

See, I enjoy Kelly Clarkson. At least, I am fond of her debut album, which I had previously purchased from the iTunes Store for my music library and to which I have listened avidly and with pleasure recently. So, I thought that I would enjoy songs by various artists similar to Kelly Clarkson, and essentially (vaguely?), I did.

What's so poignantly perturbing about this inclination of mine to listen to CHICK POP!! (or what I have called "LA LA Lady" POP!!), is that these songs awaken in me my deep-seeded interest in and penchant for the trans-queer experimental performance art of DRAG!! All the songs that I listened to tonight, and especially the ones that I added to my new playlist, are perfect for a budding drag princess musical performance repertoire.

As I am no longer beautiful enough a boy to "trans-form" my fabulosity into a FIERCE "Fagged-Out Funambulist Freak Show" drag diva dreaming, because I have lost my face after a terribly traumatic illness and injury to the face: a necrotizing bacterial infection (i.e., Gangrene!!) that led subsequently to the amputation and ongoing craniofacial reconstructions of my mouth, nose and upper jaw, I can no longer dream of becoming a drag diva one day.

But I can and do dream of becoming what I like to think would be an objective, outside expert on the study of EXPERIMENTAL QUEER PERFORMANCE (i.e., drag!!), it's AESTHETICS and its HISTORY; its COMMON PRACTICES & CANONICAL DEFINING ELEMENTS; and eventually discovering/creating a theory behind it all!!

This is a dream that I can still pursue, even to a graduate/post-graduate level of study, to receive a PhD in Performance Studies and to teach DRAG at the M.F.A. Level. A significant component of my dream accomplished would be to open a B.F.A./M.F.A. Drag Performance Conservatory where accomplished older drag queens who have succeeded in stretching the boundaries of their art and in creating a variety of memorable personae act as master teachers, training young gay (or straight!! yes, of course, straight!!) men in the practice of the art of drag performance: vocal technique, lipsyncing, dance, costuming, wig design/maintenance, makeup design, character development, history, aesthetics, experimentation, defining your own art, etc... The school could also be geared toward lesbian or straight women interested in pursuing the art of the Drag King!!


Here's an example of premier Experimental Queer Performance (DRAG!!) from the San Francisco Bay Area's ultimate drag performance phenomenon: Trannyshack!! HEKLINA is a mega-star in San Francisco!! Wow! It'd be a dream to study with her for a couple of months, and to really get acquainted with her performance style and technique, maybe even eventually helping her rediscover and redefine some of her aesthetic, to make it all more theatrical, professional, performative (instead of just kitsch, like you see here in this video!) But, "kitsch" is popular!! It's what works! I wouldn't want to change anything that works well, maybe just enhance it or at least study it in depth. The theories & practices that I will develop in this course of study will ultimately transcend the kitsch & camp, and will be true, genius art. That's my dream! And Heklina would be a great partner in crime for this adventure: a dream diva to work with!!

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
These songs that I have listened to: CHICK POP!! are perfect songs for the contemporary drag repertoire. For now, before ever thinking of going back to school to study DRAG, I should start by conducting independent field work on my own, interviewing drag queens in the San Francisco Bay Area and afar, learning their techniques for developing character, examining their personal endeavors at training themselves, because no school really exists yet, and learning about the dynamic of the drag diva/princess mentoring relationship.

I could feasibly write some articles for scholarly journals about the art of drag and about my observations based on extensive independent field study and get published before applying to grad school. This would only help the acceptance process and prime me for admittance to only the best, topnotch Performance Study PhD programs in the country (particularly, the local UCBerkeley program, or the NYU Tisch School Program, or the Northwestern Program, or a program at UCLA—but I think Berkeley would be most accepting toward this route of study!!).

I definitely can get access to a number of San Francisco Bay Area drag queens (the most reputed, widely acclaimed and celebrated, and the most successful) for interviews and such, via Facebook and connections I have to the Imperial Court of San Francisco and to the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Inc. This would not be difficult; it would only take initiative and courage on my part to face my fears of interacting with new people despite my disfigurement and despite the fact that I wear a mask. But, for sure! This would give me something constructive to do during the in between time before and after my subsequent reconstruction surgeries.

All this thought about my desires to study DRAG PERFORMANCE stems directly from this "Artist - Kelly Clarkson Radio" that I was listening to on Last.fm. All of these wonderful female pop sensations that I discovered just listening to this brand of music has opened my mind to so many possibilities.

I could even think about dabbling in direction of drag personae, working with budding or seasoned drag queens to refine and redefine their personae and the style of their performance, for the sake of aesthetic enhancement of their performances. And I could feasibly organize a evening of drag performances directed and choreographed by myself and other talented drag queens or professionals and debut it at the supperclub san francisco [ S© ], a contemporary, chic dining and performance space in the South of Market District of Downtown San Francisco, reputed for hosting the Beneficiary Awards Reception of FOLSOM STREET EVENTS® each year, for the past three years. It'd be a perfect space for something like that! What a great idea! It would just take a lot of work, and a large following of committed drag queens!! You think I could do it? I wonder...

Tonight, I also completed my POP ALTERNATIVE MALE VOCALISTS playlist, so that it includes just enough playable tracks and individual artist to be playable itself on Last.fm. Now, I should be able to call this playlist up to be played on my Blogger® Page: http://qherekidsf.blogspot.com/, where I have a Last.fm widget in my right-hand sidebar. In fact, that is how I discovered Last.fm...through Blogger® gadgets.

And finally, I also edited the Last.fm P!nk biography to include playable tracks, links to artists' pages and an END NOTE on the super queer-fabulous friendship between P!nk and Ellen Degeneres. I wrote of how P!nk's appearances on the ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW have only served to promote (if not cement?) P!nk's stardom and pop celebrity. I cited the fact that P!nk was one of the only musical artist to be selected to perform at Ellen's 50th birthday party. And how P!nk debuted ELLEN's "Bathroom Concert Series" with a duet rendition of "So What." Here's a YouTube video of that performance:


Wasn't that just great to watch!! Their friendship is such a reward and a remark on the power and pomposity of the queer community!! They are both such stalwart advocates of equality for all!! And their friendship is magical, helping to define both of their celebrities. That was my final bit of contribution to Last.fm this morning, and that is where I will end this journal entry.

Please respond with comments, feedback and shoutbacks!! I'm always interested in hearing from followers of my blog and journals to see if there's any apparent way that my perspective on things might change because of what I learn from others. That's how it works for me! It's about give and take... So please give a little bit of comment on what I've discussed here as my drag diva deuteronomous dreamings!! Thanks!! And I look forward to next time... Cheers! Ciao! Namaste!

Respectfully submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA 94109-7821
[MDB2009.06.16@06:43PST]

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IF ONE ADVANCES CONFIDENTLY IN THE DIRECTION
OF HIS DREAMS, AND ENDEAVORS TO LIVE THE LIFE
HE HAS IMAGINED, HE WILL MEET WITH A SUCCESS
UNEXPECTED IN COMMON HOURS.
— Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

So what do you think of all of this? It's a far off thought that I pontificated on in journal form for my Last.fm audience, so that I could share it with all of my blog followers now. It's a unique thought, this idea of mine! What I didn't leave mention for in the journal entry was the pinultimate crux of the idea I actually have to broaden my study of the trans-queer art of drag. I shouldn't share the idea now, for fear that someone might steal it, but I highly doubt that my readership is of such high numbers that I could risk losing out on the originality of an idea to intellectual property theft or mishandlings.

So, I'll venture forth with the crux of the idea here in the closing of this blog entry. What I envision as a graduate or post-graduate work of study and scholarly writing is the publication of a combo piece of academic and how-to literature. I envision publishing an outrageous, cartoon-illustrated how-to book with in depth instructions on the study of DRAG PERFORMANCE that incorporates academic writing in a covert, obtuse but very accessible way about the History & Aesthetic Developments of Contemporary Drag and Drag Performance throughout the ages.

There would be discussions on Greek Comedy (like Lysistrata), DRAG in Gothic Passion Plays, Elizabethan Drag Performance, performance of the costumed lovers' tryst in 17th & 18th century French Comedy of Manners & Comédie Bourgeoise, to discussion on the pre-war art of female impersonation and the carnival-esque in Britain, France & Germany.

There will also be discussions on post-war French surrealist & dada theatre (such as Apollinaire's Les Mamelles de Tirésias), to writing on pre- & post-Stonewall modern drag performance and eventually on contemporary experimental avant-garde drag performance in film and theatre (such as Priscilla, Queen of the Desert; To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar; Hedwig & the Angry Inch; La Mala Educazione, as well as other lesser known cult film classics), and discussion on contemporary regional drag traditions across the country and across the globe (such as San Francisco's very own local cult phenomenon: Trannyshack!! hosted by the infamous and celebrated icon, HEKLINA—as seen in the first video embedded into my journal entry).

The book would be accessible to all queer and queer-friendly audiences and would particularly be used as the major academic learning text for the Conservatory of Drag Performance that I have envisionned opening in San Francisco or Los Angeles or in New York City. The book could have accompanying texts, such as exercise books for character studies, and could include a CD or DVD compilation of recorded audio or video drag performances and DIVA pop!! for the musical drag repertoire: a comparative musicological study on the various genres particularly fitting for various traditions of drag performance around the globe, and throughout history.

See, I have high hopes, and I am here, right now, laying claim to this very unique idea!! I haven't heard anyone ever discuss such an idea as plausible and feasible, but I believe that it especially is so. It's something that could really spark a burning ember of passion amongst the queer and queer-friendly communities for the art of drag, in essence, refining the public's tastes on the art of drag performance and improving the art itself, at the same time. This is what I envision!!

What do you think of the idea? Don't steal it from me! This idea has given me something to live for beyond my disfigurement!! I want so badly to make it happen, to realize this dream of mine, and ... IT IS POSSIBLE!! I just have to hope and pray that some seasonned, professional DRAG QUEEN doesn't come along and accomplish all that I have described before I get a chance to get around to start pursuing it as a plausible, real idea myself. That's my matter of worry! That's the only obstacle standing in my way!!

I should copyright this!! In fact, from here on out...ALL OF MY BLOGS ARE COPYRIGHTED BY QHEREKIDSF | MATTHEW BLANCHARD, ©2008-2009!! I hereby lay claim to my own ideas!! Let this be record of one of my particularly major, significant proprietary ideas: intellectual property!! What do you think? Are you gonna plan on stealing the idea from me?? Gosh, I hope not! What else would I have to live for?? That's all for now! Peace Out! Cheers! Ciao! And Namaste...

Copyright ©2009
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew Blanchard
San Francisco, CA 94109-7821
[MDB2009.06.16@12:31PST]

"Starscapes & Typography!" [no.# 1-3]

Below, you will find a selection of original designs in pencil by none other than "Your's Truly!" I've entitled the works collectively as "STARSCAPES & TYPOGRAPHY," because, as you can plainly see from the sketches, I have quite a penchant or flare for cosmic lettering & shapes. I first explored this unique style of name treatment back in 2006-2007, when I was an employee of FOLSOM STREET EVENTS®. I was regularly under the influence of one god-be-rid-of-it illicit substance that kept my perfectionist neuroses primed & pointed and lent itself all together quite easily to this type of intricate, monotonous, time-consuming sort of drugged-out doodling.

The first name I designed to a STARSCAPE was indeed my own; but actually, I originally intended for the sketch to go to my little nephew, my namesake: Matthew Joseph Blanchard. Back in 2006, he would have only been 3 to 4 years old, and I imagine he, his father (my brother, Bradley) and Matthew's mom (sister-in-law, Jennifer/Jenn) would have really cherished getting something like this in the mail. Once I have their new address in Japan (they are a military family!), then I will be sure to mail the sketch out right away.

I keep the drawing tapped to my wall above my computer, over my desk, so I can not only be reminded of who I am, but of the family I have yet to meet that are seperated from me by continents & oceans, knowing that one day, the sketch will be in the hands of its rightful owner, lil'Matteo!! He's an adorable kid! I've seen pictures. He's part Algerian, so he's got really cute curly black hair and soft mocha skin, and such a gentle, genial smile. One day, I'll get around to posting pics of my brother's family on my blog for all my many myriad of followers to see! I jest. But I will post some pics sometime soon, if not just for the right to boast & brag about how good looking my family is.

The second STARSCAPES & TYPOGRAPHY design is for the name of my former employer at FOLSOM STREET EVENTS®, Demetri Moshoyannis, about whom I wrpte a blog entry not two or three posts back. Demetri was a great guy! I so sorely miss the time we spent working together, and to show him my gratitude and admiration after my employment was terminated, I designed his STARSCAPE.

Again, I intended to mail it to him, but I just never got around to it, and now it just seems like it would be a little out of the blue for him to receive such a gift in the mail at his office. Imagine what he would think? "Oh man! I've got a stalker!" That is if & only if I send the sketch anonymously, which I have thought of doing. But, I suppose that if Demetri ever does take a gander at my blog, then he may just by chance see the sketch posted here and know immediately who it was from.

We'll see what I decide! All I know is that now that I have them scanned & saved on the computer, then there's no point in keeping a hold of the designs for posterity's sake. I'll get it in the mail within the month. That's a deal!

The final STARSCAPES & TYPOGRAPHY design is my most recent; in fact, I just completed it tonight. It's for my SHANTI Volunteer, Wallace (WES) Smith who has been visiting me three times a week now for three months. He is an INCREDIBLE GUY!! I'm proud to say that our ralationship extends far beyond the confines of a volunteer-client rapport; we have truly developed a budding friendship.

He listens to me when I am down, or when I am manic, or when I just feel like complaining or making a joke about my sorry life. I was so comfortable with him that after the second time hanging out with him in my apartment, I took my mask off in front of him, and I haven't put it back on for him ever since. He's very compassionate, caring and understanding. He's going to San Francisco State University in the fall to get his B.A. in Psychology. He wants to be a therapist, I think. And, I'm damned certain that he'll make a mighty fine one; that's for sure!!

Before I was assigned a therapist a NEW LEAF: Services For Our Community, I used WES has my primary sounding board and as nearly my only emotional support. I've been meaning to create for WES his own unique STARSCAPE design, so that he could have the sketch as a token of my love and appreciation. Finally, after spending all day yesterday writing & designing a THANK YOU note for a new friend I met in NEW LEAF HIV+ RECOVERY SUPPORT GROUP, I stayed up even later working on WES's STARSCAPE.

It took me about seven hours to complete, because indeed I had to start over a few times here & there because things weren't beginning to shape up just perfectly enough for my hypersensitive aesthetic tastes. The STARSCAPE eventually took its finally shape, and I was quickly on the road to just filling in the empty space around WES's name with stars, arrows and circles.

I'm not entirely please with the way it turned out. I particularly don't care too much for the clutter up top where WALLACE intersects with a bunch of stars, and the cursive-type font could be improved upon, so I might just have to try my hand at another STARSCAPE for WES. I will definitely give him this one later on today, when we hang out; that's for sure!! I put too much good concerted effort into doodling this design out for it to get tossed to the wayside and ignored. I'd at least like to get WES's reaction on it, just to see if he likes it, or if he would prefer that I try to do another one.

All I can say now is that my neck HURTS! I spent the last seven hours laid over in my bed, with my head propped up in one hand and my other hand drawing, and now that I'm at the computer, I'm forced to creen my neck in an awkward uncomfortable position just to be able to see these tiny words that I am typing. It doesn't help the matter much any that I am exhausted. I'm sure that sheer & utter fatigue doesn't do well on the eye sight! My bed is calling me to return to it, only this time, head to pillow, eyes closed, relaxed, trying to sleep.

WES is an avid reader of my blog, especially when he knows that I have new entries posted, so we'll have to wait to find out what his reaction will be to seeing his STARSCAPES & TYPOGRAPHY design presented in this entry. All in all, I'm pretty delighted with the work I have done on these designs. I think that I have found a little niche for my graphic design tastes. It's simple, geometric, modular, symmetrical design with a little bit of flare in the details, so I can't boast too much too soon.

I'd rather get some feedback from anyone who might come across this blog entry, either in Blogger® or in Facebook™ or by linking to it via my LinkedIn® or Google™ Profiles. Any feedback is quite welcome!! And if you'd like to put in a request for a STARSCAPE of your own, with you very own name sprawled out in the center of the cosmos, then just ask. I think it would be reasonable to charge between $25 and $50.00 USD per sketch. I can also do them in black pen, so that they scan better; just mention that you'd prefer your name designed in ink, and I'll make a note to get started on a sketch right away for you.

It's a simple courtesy I can offer, now that I am so overwhelmed by gads & gads of free time all the time. This sketching given me a fun way to pass the time. I enjoy it! So, I'd be happy to do one for you. NO PROBLEM!! Cheers! Ciao! Peace Out! Namaste. And GOOD NIGHT!! TTYS!
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Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
Development Associate
IPPSL: International Professional
Partnerships for Sierra Leone
Freetown, SL • Washington, DC USA
San Francisco, CA 94109 USA

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[MDB2009.06.07@04:04PST]