Showing posts with label history. Show all posts
Showing posts with label history. Show all posts

25 January 2011

A LOOK BACK @ 18MTHS. OF HOPE!!

A LOOK BACK! At 60DAYS SOBER, ... I once concluded that "I JUST have an UGLY face." However, despite the devastation of disfigurement, I was/am still conscience & cognizant of the fact that my Seventh Chakra shines – Sahasrara : "The Thousand-Petaled Lotus" – "signifying & assuring QHereKidSF of his supreme consciousness & sublime connection to the cerebral, spiritual & physical worlds" (cf. http://youtu.be/gg8mjhUqSpw – below).


At 1YR. CLEAN, I affirmed "BEAUTY!" ... "But, only at God's speed. God willing" : the choice words Director Daniel Cardone & I used to frame the closing of CONSTRUCT, our "epic" (not in length, but rather in magnitude of reverberation & depth) experimental docu-short, filmed as part of The HIV Story Project's STILL AROUND 2010 compilation (Exec. Producer: Jörg Fockele; Producer: Marc Smolowitz), which together feature a day-in-the-life of 15 individual PWA (i.e., People With AIDS) protagonists.

Now, today... At 18.5MTHS. OF HOPE (not dope!), I take the stage in a short time to proclaim how indeed I am finally & once again ablaze with "DESIRE" : red hot & risen, redeemed & reborn; as a "PHOENIX a'FIRE" (cf. "Resident Alien" - the Sins Invalid Artists In Residence Show), who prances, dances and sings poemsongs of Paphian pleasantries, indulgences & delights...

As my Sins Invalid artist bio reads, I am: "grateful for God's boundless love of & faith in [my] own purely imperfect and human desire 'for elaborate beautification & solemn self-betterment" (cf. CONSTRUCT, 2011). "But, then again, I'll be quick to say: We live to die and die to live... Forever! Come what may." (cf. JEER NOT! FEAR NOT!!; "Resident Alien," 2011).

STAY TUNED!! for my "flagrantly unfettered" foretelling of a future full of fortitude, good fortune, and truly "fag-o-licious fabulosity" of face... SUBSCRIBE TO MY YouTube® CHANNELmindflux | matt(e)o | mayhem : http://youtube.com/qherekidsf.

Cheers! Ciao & Namaste...
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard

matthew@qherekidsf.com
http://bit.ly/qherekidsf

San Francisco, CA USA
[20110125T071435PST]

19 November 2010

Love as MOVEMENT! Love as LIGHT!!

Plato’s Phaedrus & Racine’s Phèdre
When desire, having rejected reason and overpowered judgment which leads to right, is set in the direction of the pleasure which beauty can inspire, and when again under the influence of its kindred desires it is moved with violent motion towards the beauty of corporeal forms, it acquires a surname from this very violent motion, and is called love.
– Socrates (469-399 B.C.), ... in Plato, Phaedrus.
When_desire_having_rejected_reason_and_overpowered_judgment.
Dictionary.com. Columbia World of Quotations, Columbia Univ. Press,
1996. http://quotes.dictionary.com/when_desire_having_rejected
reason_and_overpowered_judgment
(accessed: Nov. 19, 2010)

I'm most familiar with the gut-wrenching, "violent motion" Socrates defines here as the transmutative movement of desire into so-called "Love," through my studies of the French neoclassical tragedian, Jean Racine, and of his exemplar piece of tragic theater: Phèdre (1677), a masterfully theatrical dramatization of similar dialogues on love, the soul, madness, divine inspiration, and the proper forms of art and rhetoric as found in Plato's Phaedrus (c. 370 B.C.).

Plato's use of movement as the main descriptive motif in this passage by Socrates fully respected the corporeal theater traditions (e.g., dithyrambic & choral dancing, pantomime, masks, etc.) of Ancient Greek Theatre. In Racine's Phèdre, however, light (i.e., sunlight, fire, flames, etc.) and darkness (i.e., shadows, veils, blindness, etc.) are the main motifs used to represent the transmutative eclipsing of desire by so-called "Amour.”

Racine toys with our sense of sight and sound, as he explores impassioned sanguine sexual drive, the blood-lust of maternal instinct, and the bloodlines of familial obligation, all through depictions of a furiously tormented tragic heroine who inches closer and closer toward imminent death just when prospects of incest surface as faits accomplis.

The following exerts of poetry from Jean Racine’s neoclassical masterpiece, Phèdre, offer decent textual references to and representations of the aforementioned motifs.

HIPPOLYTE
Il veut avec leur sœur ensevelir leur nom,
Et que jusqu’au tombeau soumise à sa tutelle,
Jamais les feux d’hymen ne s’allument pour elle.
(I.i.ll. 114-116)

In the first citation, HIPPOLYTE — Phèdre’s son by marriage, her peer in youth, and the man with whom she is madly in love — describes how the sole reason that his father, Thésée — king of Athens — took Phèdre on as a matrimonial conquest was “to bury” (ensevelir) the family name of Phèdre’s dead father: Minos.

Hippolyte goes on to explain how his father’s ulterior intention was to be certain that Phèdre submits to “his reign” (sa tutelle) as husband and king “until her death” (jusqu’au tombeau). Agonizing over the infamously vile and incestuous love he shares with his new mother, Hippolyte laments, “Never will the hymen fires shine bright for [Phèdre]” (Jamais les feux d’hymen ne s’allument pour elle).

OENONE
Vous-même, rappelant votre force première,
Vous vouliez vous montrer et revoir la lumière.
Vous la voyez, madame, et prête à vous cacher,
Vous haïssez le jour que vous veniez chercher ?

PHÈDRE
[…] Soleil, je te viens voir pour la dernière fois.
(I.iii.ll. 13-16, 20)

The second passage is a citation of dialogue between OENONE — nurse-maid to the new queen of Athens — and PHÈDRE which illustrates with very direct language the metonymical allusion to “maternity and the act of childbirth” (votre force première), or in the case of Phèdre, the act of breaking the maternal cycle by not being reborn to light again.

Oenone’s passage, which refers at once to “being shown and seeing light” (vous montrer et revoir la lumière): the light of impassioned love, concludes with a frustrated condemnation against Phèdre: “You see it, madame, and ready to hide yourself, / You hate the day for which you had just searched.”

This closing couplet of Oenone’s response to Phèdre’s plight represents an accusation against the new Queen that she is merely like a newborn child who squeezes her eyes shut to brilliant illumination (i.e., passion, life, etc.) in hatred of the day (i.e., daylight, light, life, etc.) that she was in fact just seeking.

Phèdre then responds, after three lines of erroneously omitted text, “Sun, I’m coming to see you for the last time.” In a very pointed and purposed manner, Phèdre renounces the sun (i.e., daylight, light, life, etc.) and essentially commits herself to death (i.e., darkness, blindness, veiled sight, etc.), for fear that her own furiously vile and incestuous passion would only cause her immense suffering in life.

HIPPOLYTE
Ma honte ne peut plus soutenir votre vue;
Et je vais…

PHÈDRE
Ah ! Cruel, tu m’as trop entendue.
(II.v.ll. 92-93)

The citation above is the exchange of dialogue between HIPPLOYTE and PHÈDRE which introduces, incites, and informs that which is perhaps the most masterfully written monologue of dramatic poetry in all of neoclassical theater (Phèdre, II.v.ll. 93-134).

This extrapolated, shared couplet represents the single most evident use of the motifs of sight and sound by Racine in the entire text of Phèdre. Coincidentally, it is the sound of Phèdre’s bellowed beckoning, which triumphs perniciously over Hippolyte’s own failed attempt to conscientiously object to the sight of his new mother-beloved.

I argue that the line: “Ah! Cruel, you have heard too much of me,” would definitely have ensnared the minds, thoughts and attention of any arrogantly aloof and detached aristocratic orchestral audience to the stage play, if played right.

The neoclassical theatre of 17th Century France was envisioned not as a théâtre du tréteau, but rather it was meant to be played on interior proscenium stages whose architecture was adorned with a garishly ornate & sumptuous decor of gold, whose scenic play space was dimly lit by candled footlights, and whose elite socialite & aristocratic orchestral audience was best lit by the brilliant glow from flames of a giant chandelier.

During the reign of Le Roi Soleil (i.e., The Sun King): Louis XIV, much emphasis, attention, admiration and accolades were lavished upon Aristocrats, who pompously paraded as living embodiments of neoclassical perfection amongst stalls of the orchestra and the loges of playhouses, such as Le Théâtre du Vieux Colombier or La Comédie-Française, for example. Rightfully so then, this audience of Aristocrats was cast in the brightest light.

If full attention was not being paid by ear to the languidly illustrious sonorities of Racine's dramatic poetry, then certainly an audience's eyes would be dully enthralled by the dazzlingly resplendent luminosity which cast a sublime glow over themselves. Thus, the carnal theater of la haute culture would play out in seats and aisles of la salle, while dramatic actors bellowed forth beautifully crafted rhymed couplets of dodecosyllabic alexandrins as inaudible room tone, in the shadows of a dimly lit stage.

The theatrical stage à l'italienne of 17th Century France was in all points of fact far more well-equipped than the contemporaneous playhouses of England, German and Spain. In fact, evidence has well been recorded into the timeless tomes of architectural history for the Neoclassical Age that depicts the Parisian playhouses of that period as touting many working innovations of scenic machinery.

One of these innovations, borrowed from the theaters of the Italian Renaissance, would have been ambient lighting overhung above the platform stage and behind the proscenium arch. As for the four state-commissioned theaters of royal Paris, it would have been possible therefore not only to dim and intensify the luminosity of these candled lights; but, with sheaths of heavily wax-coated and flame-resistant, colored paper, stage mechanicals of the time would have been able to create subtle changes in the tonality and hues of radiant light and shadows on stage.

When all was said and done, the théâtre à l'italienne of 17th Century Neoclassical France would have (and did) serve as the perfect creative space in which Jean Racine, Pierre Corneille et Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, dit Molière, could compose sumptuous dramatic poetry perfectly attuned to the stage, scenic & script conventions of that time.

In fact, I would even venture to argue that the poetry of Racine's Phèdre, ripe with allusions to the dramatic interplay of sight & sound, light & darkness, and life & death as representing the transmutative eclipsing of desire by "Love," was written for the specific 17th Century neoclassical lieu théâtrale in which it debuted: a theatrical space dimly lit o'er its actors, but brilliantly beaming o'er its elite socialite, aristocratic audience.

Respectfully submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard

San Francisco, CA USA

http://bit.ly/qherekidsf
[20101119T180043PST]

10 August 2010

Star-Spangled KITSCH, by C. BROWN (1975)

"Camp mocks bad taste..." | Dictionary.com
In short, camp mocks bad taste; kitsch exploits it. Camp arouses our sense of the ridiculous, and we respond with amused tolerance. When we see Bette Davis or Ruth Gordon, fine if sometimes flamboyant performers relax their self-discipline and over-extend their acting technique in a superfluity of ineffective gestures �— finger-twitching and hip-switching, hand-rubbing or hip-protruding — we label the sum total as camp. Mae West, whose nasally provocative delivery, eye-rolling, lip-pursing, and pelvic tics parody the conventional invitation to dalliance, is never out of control and is camp, pure and simple.... Camp was also the stock-in-trade of Carmen Miranda, whose retina-searing Technicolor® get-ups, skyscraper headdresses bearing a season's fruit harvest, clomping platform shoes and garbled English projected in a voice that could be heard on Mars, all came together beautifully in her campy personification of Exaggeration. Had we been blessed with the Brazilian Bombshell's own blazing interpretation of Joan of Arc, the grotesque, if fascinating, result would surely have been kitsch.

CURTIS F. BROWN, "Is It Kitsch or Is It Camp?"
Star-Spangled Kitsch (Universe Books, 1975)

STAR-SPANGLED KITSCH
[Universe Books, 1975]
In his essay entitled, "Is It Kitsch or Is It Camp?" from his collection of short works entitled Star-Spangled Kitsch (Universe Books, 1975), Curtis F. Brown eruditely elucidates the defining distinction(s) between that which is "KITSCH" and that which is "CAMP," all in one cohesively concise construct of written communication, saying, "In short, camp mocks bad taste; kitsch exploits it."

Brown buttresses his thesis with reinforcing remarks and observations about four infamously celebrated female film performers of the early B&W turned Technicolor® era of American cinema: Betty Davis, Ruth Gordon, Mae West and Carmen Miranda.


The "kitsch/camp" theorist discusses in a mellifluously colorful and contemporary manner the conventions of that which is most distinctly "CAMP," pointing out that the flamboyant, quizzically quixotic & chimerical (Oh! Just call it straight up as it is: QUEER!) gesticulations and glaringly gaudy "get-ups" (i.e., accouterments, accessories, costumes, clothing, etc.) of these brazenly garish gals often served as parodic personifications and pasquinade of archetypal character traits, concepts, customs, behaviors or mores.


Mae West, for example, "whose nasally provocative delivery, eye-rolling, lip-pursing, and pelvic tics parody the conventional invitation to dalliance, is never out of control and is camp, pure and simple....," writes Brown, in his deliberately descriptive and constatively conclusive manner.


These parodist-performers personify not real or fictitious characters, personalities or people, but caricature in a conspicuously comedic fashion, with flagitiously flamboyant, frivolous fervor and right raucous, rambunctious repugnance, the conventions contrived of by our own seemingly sophisticated society, thus satirized it/us on stage and screen as "CAMP."


Were the performers actually in fact meant to interpret an historical personage, character or role writ from real life, the resultant (re)presentation would be ultimately defined as "KITSCH." Brown explains this distinct concept explicitly by referencing Carmen Miranda: "Had we been blessed with the Brazilian Bombshell's own blazing interpretation of Joan of Arc, the grotesque, if fascinating, result would surely have been kitsch."


Thus, then, and therefore, Brown describes two definitively dueling depictions of parodic satire "à la burlesque" and deems the two archetypal performance styles either distinctly "CAMP" or distinctly "KITSCH" (i.e., Brown's "kitsch/camp" thesis or theory).


I highly recommend to anyone interested in the study and/or performance of parodic satire "à la burlesque" by the infamously venerated female celebrity actors of the "Old Film" era or otherwise in the dichotomically "camp/kitsch" performances of contemporary female celebrity impersonators (i.e., drag queens!!) of the "Old School," at least to link to this abstracted quotation from Curtis F. Brown's definitive discourse on the dichotomic binary between all that is "CAMP" and all that is "KITSCH."


I myself find that this quotation intrigues the mind enough to motivate the reader immediately to seek out the source-text for further reading. I myself am going straight to the library today to check out
Star-Spangled Kitsch, by Curtis F. Brown, so that I might completely immerse myself in the study of this profoundly erudite performance discourse; thus, then, and therefore, to inaugurate finally my fanatically fervid, right reasonably well-directed and derived research into the art of drag performance and of female impersonators as entertainers, both historically and contemporaneously, or could be possibly even maybe more.... We'll see!!

Thanks Dictionary.com for having serendipitously set my path of discovery in the direction of this dichotomic "kitsch/camp" discourse, so that I might delve deliberately even deeper into the subject matter as it relates to the art(s) of DRAG!! I never knew nor thought that this so easily navigable virtual reference library would spur on my determined effort to educate myself so thoroughly, dutifully and delightfully, all at once...


"In short, camp mocks bad taste; kitsch exploits..." Columbia World of Quotations, Columbia University Press, 1996. 10 Aug. 2010. Dictionary.com http://quotes.dictionary.com/In_short_camp_mocks_bad_taste_kitsch_exploits.
 

Respectfully submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard

San Francisco, CA USA
[20100810T094249PST]  

http://qherekidsf.yelp.com
http://transom.org/?p=8424
http://bebo.com/QHereKidSF
http://twitter.com/QHereKidSF
http://qherekidsf.blogspot.com
http://qherekidsf.myspace.com
http://qherekidsf.spaces.live.com
http://qherekidsf.stumbleupon.com
http://www.last.fm/user/QHereKidSF
http://www.youtube.com/qherekidsf
http://www.facebook.com/mblanchard79
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/User:QHereKidSF
http://www.flickr.com/people/mblanchard79
http://www.visualcv.com/matthewblanchard
http://www.linkedin.com/in/matthewblanchard
http://www.google.com/profiles/mblanchard1979



09 August 2010

Quotation by JOHN MILTON (1608-1674)

"What needs my Shakespeare..." | Dictionary.com
What needs my Shakespeare for his honored bones
The labor of an age in piled stones?
Or that his hallowed relics should be hid
Under a stary pointing pyramid?
Dear son of memory, great heir of fame,
What need'st thou such weak witness of thy name?
Thou in our wonder and astonishment
Has built thyself a livelong monument.
For whilst, to the shame of slow-endeavoring art,
Thy easy numbers flow, and that each heart
Hath from the leaves of thy unvalued book
These Delphic lines with deep impression took;
Then though, our fancy of itself bereaving,
Dost make us marble with too much conceiving,
And so sepulchred in such pomp dost lie
That kings for such a tomb would wish to die.
JOHN MILTON (1608-1674), On Shakespeare (ll. 1-16),
The Complete Poetry of John Milton, John T. Shawcross, ed. 
(1963, rev. ed. 1971) Doubleday.
JOHN MILTON (1608-1674)
www.rightwords.eu
[Artist/Date Unknown]

These few first lines of Milton's poignant, telling tribute to the pomp & circumstance in which Shakespeare's fanatic followers celebrate the canon of his creative works, argue in closing "that kings for such a tomb would wish to die" (l. 16). How properly and poignantly put!! Any latter icons of cultural and/or literary achievement sh/would find immense honor were they to acquire nearly just an ounce of the same sort of literary acclaim, stature or prestige as that right noble playwright, the irrefutably genius author of the Elizabethan classics in dramatic literature: Will. Shakespeare!!

Few have, can or could contrive to match the magnitudinous immensity of impact imparted by him, the superhuman hallowed hero of the written stage (dites: "SHAKESPEARE!!"), onto not his culture & society alone, but as well upon each and every dutifully devout and dioramic disciple cultures deliberately deemed admiring adherents or analogues to this genius progenitor to such sumptuously sophisticated literary style(s) of global generic scale.

Shakespeare was, has been, is still to this day, and for ever into the distant future will be considered by many (or else by all!!) not merely didaskalos of the dramatic literary canon, but the one true universally esteemed, accepted...and thus, unto vehemently adhered...argon eponymous (i.e., "patriarch" or "patron [saint]") of all obviously occidental traditions of theatrical poetry in performance.

John Milton succeeds so very well at eloquently enunciating the elaborately evocative and immeasurable magnitude of Shakespeare's influence on more than just the Theatre World, but on the entire Elizabethan (and post-Elizabethan) polis, in general, as well. Society would ne'er so well be such the same without the heavenly hallowed, consecrated contributions of our heuristically humble and unhubristic, sophron hero of the stage: Shakespeare.

And Oi!! Does Milton do him justice better than I!! ME? I.E., the garishly garrulous and spuriously specious simpleton, who here cites such less than simple sophistry as propitious pontification or mere petty platitudinous parlance of opinion on the matter!! How plainly plebeian and frivolous!! How flagrantly, flagitiously mundane my motivations be to ignominiously inculcate the already willfully well-educated multitudes in cyberspace, who, wincing at my execrably desolate, dissipated and laboriously loquacious declarations, want nothing of my nominally nefand expiation and atonement for the pseudo-propitiation of the quasi-eloquent (or far from so!), proudly pompous putridity of my pedantic prosaicism.

Pardon! Habit harangues me for the unfettered fetid fervor with which I phrase my constatively contrived conclusions. Lest Will Shakespeare would have been less loquacious, and if so, then far less stoically spurious in spirit and in saying as myself. So be it! Should anyone deem my licentious elocution worthy of two to three trite triflingly thoughtful remarks, then I unwincingly welcome ferociously fervid (better yet, much less flagrantly fallacious!) imprecation.

Bedamn me my blasphemy!! Deserved be I of your astutely acute abhorrence and anathemas against my arguably ill-aligned, airish and asininely alliterative assertions. I patiently await your counterpointed arguments, observations and/or opinions of my OH! SO! petulantly obsequious, sycophantic remarks.

"What needs my Shakespeare for his honored bones." Columbia World of Quotations. Columbia University Press, 1996. 09 Aug. 2010. http://quotes.dictionary.com/What_needs_my_Shakespeare_for_his_honored_bones>.

Abhorrently proud of my pedantry, yet still so...
Respectfully submitted,

Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA USA

[20100809T235056PST] 

http://bebo.com/QHereKidSF
http://twitter.com/QHereKidSF
http://qherekidsf.myspace.com
http://qherekidsf.spaces.live.com
http://qherekidsf.stumbleupon.com
http://www.youtube.com/qherekidsf
http://www.facebook.com/mblanchard79

WE MAKE A LIVING BY WHAT WE GET;
WE MAKE A LIFE BY WHAT WE GIVE.
Winston Churchill 

07 January 2010

POTENCY OF "POWERLESSNESS!!"

Midweek already and I feel like I’m living a dream. Not a schizoid manic maneuvering or mulling over my own misery and mayhem, but a blessed vision of beauty, betterment & beatitude… “Plentiful Beatitude” is what I see here sat slumped over my computer at an unconscionable hour, a reprehensible hour of late night / early morning rambling rumination and running in circles.  Naw! I kid. For, there is a very distinct clarity to my vision, my dreams, and my self-revelation.

I’ll keep the text of this journal entry simple and succinct, relaying only the
remaniés of my ruminations on recovery and reconstructions via an embedding of my most recent YouTube® video upload:


 
Mindflux | Matt(e)o | Mayhem -- Meet ME!! : Matt, Matthew, Mathieu, Matthias, Mattia, "Il MATTO Matt(e)o!!" My sweet enunciation of sacred self : "Gift from God," a story of blessings, beauty, betterment & beatitude -- "Plentiful Beatitude!!" QHereKidSF celebrates six months of sobriety and his sixth surgical reconstruction, ever more grateful of his own once fabled (now forever) fortune, fortitude & FABULOSITY!! -- © 2010 QHereKidSF (a.k.a., Matthew D. Blanchard) | All Rights Reserved.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0V_-P6n9ZJQ

http://www.youtube.com/qherekidsf

The good humor and clarity with which I express myself in this video is not so sterile that it's striking; but rather, the jovial, unsanctified spirit of this monologue surmounts sterility and vapidity to tend more toward an extemporaneously tender, telling exposé – an elaboratively "sweet enunciation of sacred self," as so poignantly posited in the description of this video upload and post (above.)


But that which was forcedly stricken from my meditation on mis(sed)-fortune – no longer! – is mention of the mindful, miraculous, meditative revelations that came of me subsequent to this seemingly sagacious soliloquy, only after I was ironically able to enunciate an elaboration on this exquisite expression of my unsuspected/(ing) shift in perspective on the Program, its potential and its “promises.”

My realization came quick, pounding my peripheral lobe with the profound potency of powerlessness and the plentiful pretences and possibilities for perfection (i.e., the “spiritual awakening”) of which the Twelfth Step presupposes, after I posted my most recent, previous entry, entitled May Today There Be Peace Within…


I came to a timely, telling conclusion – No! I shouldn’t call this a “conclusion.” A word exists, I know, that better evokes beginning, rather than end, for that is what this is: a seedling, a serendipitous sprouting & savoring of spiritual revelation…and yes, perhaps premature “awakening!” – during a group therapy session at my LGBTQ Mental Health and Substance Abuse Recovery Center here in San Francisco, the day after my surgery (i.e., only just yesterday!!).

I must respect the unequivocal expectation of confidentiality in this retelling of my in-group revelation, so I ask both my readers and the well-respected, well-meaning members of my Abstinence Support Group to allow me the liberty and right to tergiversate an equivocation of my in-group pontifications and feedback without any indulgent unveiling of identities through ambiguity and ambivalence.  


Here’s a synopsis of my statements to my Recovery Community that I’d like to make available on the public domain as a testament of the potential for a consummate conclusive curtailing of our old misguidance and of a tendency toward a cyclic sharing of life’s lessons learnt through long-lasting, sustained sobriety:
These past few weeks – especially, the last three days – have been quite transformative for me, and I mean “transformative” both in the literal and figurative sense, in the physical, mental and emotional sense tending toward a complete shift in perspective and a reshaping & saving of face.     

Fortunately, after indulging the heed by my Sponsor of my obligations to the Program to acquire and begin to read the canonical tome of Twelve Step literature: The Big Book, I found that I had been suddenly and spontaneously convinced by the sumptuous eloquence of its words, and that my perspective had suddenly shifted in its logic and leanings.     

I live today in stark contrast to the shape & form of my former perspective, reason, logic and emotion: that of “active” addiction. There has been so much drastic imminent change in my life, both physically and spiritually, during the last two and a half years – particularly, during the last six months, and I owe it all to my sobriety.  That’s an amazing, self-affirming realization for me and a lesson to others.     

For prior to my discovery of the “promises” of the Program, I held such a indomitable contempt for life and for circumstance and for fate and for kharma and for my Higher Power’s so-called “plan” for me.  But now, after so much transformation physically and emotionally and circumstantially, my perspective on the Program (and on my blessings, beauty, betterment & beatitude – “Plentiful Beatitude!”) has subsequently transformed into something distinctly positive and grateful.
This is what I did not mention in my video: an erstwhile realization or discovery to which I have only hitherto come. This is the essence of my share with the Recovery Community, and I sum it up in a solemn spiritually promising message to the Newcomer(s):  Keep coming back! It works!! I am only evidence of this otherwhile indomitable truth and promise of the Program. Thank God for that! Amen. Alleluia!! 

Respectfully submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA USA
[2010.01.07@5:03PST]

http://twitter.com/QHereKidSF
http://qherekidsf.blogspot.com

http://qherekidsf.myspace.com

http://facebook.com/mblanchard79
http://qherekidsf.stumbleupon.com
http://www.last.fm/user/QHereKidSF
http://www.bebo.com/aimsn/cheesefryz
http://www.flickr.com/people/mblanchard79
http://www.linkedin.com/in/matthewblanchard
http://www.xtreak.com/go/QHereKidSF/141027
http://www.pandora.com/people/mblanchard79

http://www.google.com/profiles/mblanchard1979

WHEN WE HONESTLY ASK OURSELVES WHICH PERSON
IN OUR LIVES MEANS THE MOST TO US, WE OFTEN FIND
THAT IT IS THOSE WHO, INSTEAD OF GIVING MUCH ADVICE,
SOLUTIONS OR CURES, HAVE CHOSEN RATHER TO SHARE
OUR PAIN & TOUCH OUR WOUNDS WITH A GENTLE AND
TENDER HAND. THE FRIEND WHO CAN BE SILENT WITH US
IN A MOMENT OF DESPAIR OR CONFUSION, WHO CAN STAY
WITH US IN AN HOUR OF GRIEF & BEREAVEMENT, WHO CAN
TOLERATE NOT KNOWING, NOT CURING, NOT HEALING AND
FACE WITH US THE REALITY OF OUR POWERLESSNESS,
THAT IS A FRIEND WHO CARES.
Unknown

16 June 2009

STUDY TRACK: Trans-Queer Art of Drag!!

The following is text of a journal entry I recently uploaded to my Last.fm profile, in response to revelations I had had upon listening to CHICK POP!! (Kelly Clarkson Radio) for the first time on this internet radio service. The POP DIVA music that was played to me when I entered "Kelly Clarkson" (and eventually "Madonna") as play topics in the radio station configuration widget ignited in me a deep, spontaneous desire to expound upon my penchant and proclivity for all things DRAG!! Please read this journal entry, and offer some feedback!!

Let me know what you think about my idea to study DRAG PERFORMANCE at the graduate level, and to begin my studies before applying to graduate school with extensive field research in San Francisco and in other locales where there might be a thriving experimental queer performance circuit. I imagine a career teaching & directing young, budding drag princes & princesses, and progressively developing a solid, critical theory & history & aesthic of the art of DRAG PERFORMANCE. It sounds like a righteous, awesome plan to me!! But, the question is...can I turn it into a graduate or post-graduation educational track and an eventual profession? And can I get funding to study such an avant-garde, alternative, peripheral form of art?

PLAYLISTS: ponderances of prettily
pontificated pleasure listening...
[ Last.fm JOURNAL Entry : 06.16.09 ]

Early this morning (or was it late last night? — I DON'T CARE!!
I don't know!!), I randomly found myself linked to Last.fm on my computer, just listening for pleasure and to be introduced to new musical artists, as I sketched away in my drawing book and diary. I had nothing to do after reaching a moment of pause in my doodling, so I sat down to record tags and playlist (v.) certain songs that I had been listening to on the random, fagottry "flame-boi-ant-lee" FIERCE station "Artist - Kelly Clarkson Radio."

See, I enjoy Kelly Clarkson. At least, I am fond of her debut album, which I had previously purchased from the iTunes Store for my music library and to which I have listened avidly and with pleasure recently. So, I thought that I would enjoy songs by various artists similar to Kelly Clarkson, and essentially (vaguely?), I did.

What's so poignantly perturbing about this inclination of mine to listen to CHICK POP!! (or what I have called "LA LA Lady" POP!!), is that these songs awaken in me my deep-seeded interest in and penchant for the trans-queer experimental performance art of DRAG!! All the songs that I listened to tonight, and especially the ones that I added to my new playlist, are perfect for a budding drag princess musical performance repertoire.

As I am no longer beautiful enough a boy to "trans-form" my fabulosity into a FIERCE "Fagged-Out Funambulist Freak Show" drag diva dreaming, because I have lost my face after a terribly traumatic illness and injury to the face: a necrotizing bacterial infection (i.e., Gangrene!!) that led subsequently to the amputation and ongoing craniofacial reconstructions of my mouth, nose and upper jaw, I can no longer dream of becoming a drag diva one day.

But I can and do dream of becoming what I like to think would be an objective, outside expert on the study of EXPERIMENTAL QUEER PERFORMANCE (i.e., drag!!), it's AESTHETICS and its HISTORY; its COMMON PRACTICES & CANONICAL DEFINING ELEMENTS; and eventually discovering/creating a theory behind it all!!

This is a dream that I can still pursue, even to a graduate/post-graduate level of study, to receive a PhD in Performance Studies and to teach DRAG at the M.F.A. Level. A significant component of my dream accomplished would be to open a B.F.A./M.F.A. Drag Performance Conservatory where accomplished older drag queens who have succeeded in stretching the boundaries of their art and in creating a variety of memorable personae act as master teachers, training young gay (or straight!! yes, of course, straight!!) men in the practice of the art of drag performance: vocal technique, lipsyncing, dance, costuming, wig design/maintenance, makeup design, character development, history, aesthetics, experimentation, defining your own art, etc... The school could also be geared toward lesbian or straight women interested in pursuing the art of the Drag King!!


Here's an example of premier Experimental Queer Performance (DRAG!!) from the San Francisco Bay Area's ultimate drag performance phenomenon: Trannyshack!! HEKLINA is a mega-star in San Francisco!! Wow! It'd be a dream to study with her for a couple of months, and to really get acquainted with her performance style and technique, maybe even eventually helping her rediscover and redefine some of her aesthetic, to make it all more theatrical, professional, performative (instead of just kitsch, like you see here in this video!) But, "kitsch" is popular!! It's what works! I wouldn't want to change anything that works well, maybe just enhance it or at least study it in depth. The theories & practices that I will develop in this course of study will ultimately transcend the kitsch & camp, and will be true, genius art. That's my dream! And Heklina would be a great partner in crime for this adventure: a dream diva to work with!!

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

These songs that I have listened to: CHICK POP!! are perfect songs for the contemporary drag repertoire. For now, before ever thinking of going back to school to study DRAG, I should start by conducting independent field work on my own, interviewing drag queens in the San Francisco Bay Area and afar, learning their techniques for developing character, examining their personal endeavors at training themselves, because no school really exists yet, and learning about the dynamic of the drag diva/princess mentoring relationship.

I could feasibly write some articles for scholarly journals about the art of drag and about my observations based on extensive independent field study and get published before applying to grad school. This would only help the acceptance process and prime me for admittance to only the best, topnotch Performance Study PhD programs in the country (particularly, the local UCBerkeley program, or the NYU Tisch School Program, or the Northwestern Program, or a program at UCLA—but I think Berkeley would be most accepting toward this route of study!!).

I definitely can get access to a number of San Francisco Bay Area drag queens (the most reputed, widely acclaimed and celebrated, and the most successful) for interviews and such, via Facebook and connections I have to the Imperial Court of San Francisco and to the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Inc. This would not be difficult; it would only take initiative and courage on my part to face my fears of interacting with new people despite my disfigurement and despite the fact that I wear a mask. But, for sure! This would give me something constructive to do during the in between time before and after my subsequent reconstruction surgeries.

All this thought about my desires to study DRAG PERFORMANCE stems directly from this "Artist - Kelly Clarkson Radio" that I was listening to on Last.fm. All of these wonderful female pop sensations that I discovered just listening to this brand of music has opened my mind to so many possibilities.

I could even think about dabbling in direction of drag personae, working with budding or seasoned drag queens to refine and redefine their personae and the style of their performance, for the sake of aesthetic enhancement of their performances. And I could feasibly organize a evening of drag performances directed and choreographed by myself and other talented drag queens or professionals and debut it at the supperclub san francisco [ S© ], a contemporary, chic dining and performance space in the South of Market District of Downtown San Francisco, reputed for hosting the Beneficiary Awards Reception of FOLSOM STREET EVENTS® each year, for the past three years. It'd be a perfect space for something like that! What a great idea! It would just take a lot of work, and a large following of committed drag queens!! You think I could do it? I wonder...

Tonight, I also completed my POP ALTERNATIVE MALE VOCALISTS playlist, so that it includes just enough playable tracks and individual artist to be playable itself on Last.fm. Now, I should be able to call this playlist up to be played on my Blogger® Page: http://qherekidsf.blogspot.com/, where I have a Last.fm widget in my right-hand sidebar. In fact, that is how I discovered Last.fm...through Blogger® gadgets.

And finally, I also edited the Last.fm P!nk biography to include playable tracks, links to artists' pages and an END NOTE on the super queer-fabulous friendship between P!nk and Ellen Degeneres. I wrote of how P!nk's appearances on the ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW have only served to promote (if not cement?) P!nk's stardom and pop celebrity. I cited the fact that P!nk was one of the only musical artist to be selected to perform at Ellen's 50th birthday party. And how P!nk debuted ELLEN's "Bathroom Concert Series" with a duet rendition of "So What." Here's a YouTube video of that performance:


Wasn't that just great to watch!! Their friendship is such a reward and a remark on the power and pomposity of the queer community!! They are both such stalwart advocates of equality for all!! And their friendship is magical, helping to define both of their celebrities. That was my final bit of contribution to Last.fm this morning, and that is where I will end this journal entry.

Please respond with comments, feedback and shoutbacks!! I'm always interested in hearing from followers of my blog and journals to see if there's any apparent way that my perspective on things might change because of what I learn from others. That's how it works for me! It's about give and take... So please give a little bit of comment on what I've discussed here as my drag diva deuteronomous dreamings!! Thanks!! And I look forward to next time... Cheers! Ciao! Namaste!

Respectfully submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA 94109-7821
[MDB2009.06.16@06:43PST]

http://twitter.com/QHereKidSF

http://qherekidsf.blogspot.com
http://profile.to/matthewblanchard
http://www.last.fm/user/QHereKidSF
http://www.bebo.com/aimsn/cheesefryz
http://www.linkedin.com/in/matthewblanchard
http://www.pandora.com/people/mblanchard79
http://www.xtreak.com/go/QHereKidSF/141027
http://www.google.com/profiles/mblanchard1979


IF ONE ADVANCES CONFIDENTLY IN THE DIRECTION
OF HIS DREAMS, AND ENDEAVORS TO LIVE THE LIFE
HE HAS IMAGINED, HE WILL MEET WITH A SUCCESS
UNEXPECTED IN COMMON HOURS.

— Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
So what do you think of all of this? It's a far off thought that I pontificated on in journal form for my Last.fm audience, so that I could share it with all of my blog followers now. It's a unique thought, this idea of mine! What I didn't leave mention for in the journal entry was the pinultimate crux of the idea I actually have to broaden my study of the trans-queer art of drag. I shouldn't share the idea now, for fear that someone might steal it, but I highly doubt that my readership is of such high numbers that I could risk losing out on the originality of an idea to intellectual property theft or mishandlings.

So, I'll venture forth with the crux of the idea here in the closing of this blog entry. What I envision as a graduate or post-graduate work of study and scholarly writing is the publication of a combo piece of academic and how-to literature. I envision publishing an outrageous, cartoon-illustrated how-to book with in depth instructions on the study of DRAG PERFORMANCE that incorporates academic writing in a covert, obtuse but very accessible way about the History & Aesthetic Developments of Contemporary Drag and Drag Performance throughout the ages.

There would be discussions on Greek Comedy (like Lysistrata), DRAG in Gothic Passion Plays, Elizabethan Drag Performance, performance of the costumed lovers' tryst in 17th & 18th century French Comedy of Manners & Comédie Bourgeoise, to discussion on the pre-war art of female impersonation and the carnival-esque in Britain, France & Germany.

There will also be discussions on post-war French surrealist & dada theatre (such as Apollinaire's Les Mamelles de Tirésias), to writing on pre- & post-Stonewall modern drag performance and eventually on contemporary experimental avant-garde drag performance in film and theatre (such as Priscilla, Queen of the Desert; To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar; Hedwig & the Angry Inch; La Mala Educazione, as well as other lesser known cult film classics), and discussion on contemporary regional drag traditions across the country and across the globe (such as San Francisco's very own local cult phenomenon: Trannyshack!! hosted by the infamous and celebrated icon, HEKLINA—as seen in the first video embedded into my journal entry).

The book would be accessible to all queer and queer-friendly audiences and would particularly be used as the major academic learning text for the Conservatory of Drag Performance that I have envisionned opening in San Francisco or Los Angeles or in New York City. The book could have accompanying texts, such as exercise books for character studies, and could include a CD or DVD compilation of recorded audio or video drag performances and DIVA pop!! for the musical drag repertoire: a comparative musicological study on the various genres particularly fitting for various traditions of drag performance around the globe, and throughout history.

See, I have high hopes, and I am here, right now, laying claim to this very unique idea!! I haven't heard anyone ever discuss such an idea as plausible and feasible, but I believe that it especially is so. It's something that could really spark a burning ember of passion amongst the queer and queer-friendly communities for the art of drag, in essence, refining the public's tastes on the art of drag performance and improving the art itself, at the same time. This is what I envision!!

What do you think of the idea? Don't steal it from me! This idea has given me something to live for beyond my disfigurement!! I want so badly to make it happen, to realize this dream of mine, and ... IT IS POSSIBLE!! I just have to hope and pray that some seasonned, professional DRAG QUEEN doesn't come along and accomplish all that I have described before I get a chance to get around to start pursuing it as a plausible, real idea myself. That's my matter of worry! That's the only obstacle standing in my way!!

I should copyright this!! In fact, from here on out...ALL OF MY BLOGS ARE COPYRIGHTED BY QHEREKIDSF | MATTHEW BLANCHARD, ©2008-2009!! I hereby lay claim to my own ideas!! Let this be record of one of my particularly major, significant proprietary ideas: intellectual property!! What do you think? Are you gonna plan on stealing the idea from me?? Gosh, I hope not! What else would I have to live for?? That's all for now! Peace Out! Cheers! Ciao! And Namaste...

Copyright ©2009
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew Blanchard
San Francisco, CA 94109-7821
[MDB2009.06.16@12:31PST]

07 June 2009

Facebook™ Follow-Up to S. Tierney :

When I wrote my good friend & mentor, Steven Tierney, Ed.D, CAS a letter on May 30, 2009, I intended to give it to him in person at our weekly MEDITATION & RECOVERY Session at the Zen Center San Francisco, but there was a sudden change of plans last Monday afternoon, and the friend who was supposed to accompany me to the meeting could not attend all of sudden, so I just didn't go and held on to the letter, thinking that I would mail it by post.

I even changed envelopes from one that was fully decorated just with Steven's name dancing in stars, to another envelope that was similarly decorated but included his mailing address on it. Alas, it is Sunday, a week later, and the letter has just sat on my desk gather dust.

So, in hopes that I might see Steven tomorrow night at MEDITATION & RECOVERY at the Zen Center, I decided to send him a link to my blog posting which included a transcription of my letter to him with introduction & conclusion. The following is the text from the Facebook™ Message I sent to Steven to introduce him to my blog and to have him read my letter in time to talk about before the Recovery Meeting tomorrow night:
Good Morning Steven,

It's been so long since I've talked to you that I just don't know how to begin. I wrote everything I was thinking that I wanted to say to you in a ten page hand-written single-spaced letter, which I in turn transcribed with an introduction and a conclusion as a blog entry. I wrote the letter on the evening of May 30, 2009; so, it's been a week since I sealed the envelope.

I was planning on giving you the letter in person when I saw you (if I saw you!) at MEDITATION & RECOVERY at the Zen Center last Monday, but the friend from NEW LEAF HIV+ RECOVERY SUPPORT GROUP that was supposed to go with me reneged and the plans for attending the Meditation fell through. So, I've been stuck with your letter, not knowing if I should put it in the mail (YOU COULD BE IN AFRICA, FOR ALL I KNOW!!) :-) or just wait until tomorrow when plans are rescheduled so that I can finally once again attend MEDITATION & RECOVERY with a recovering addict friend of mine who, like I said, I met at NEW LEAF SERVICES.

So, it being Sunday (which means no mail pick up or delivery!), I figured I could just preemptively send you a link to my blog entry which has the letter copied verbatim (along with other important contemplations & elaborations) so that you could read what I wrote to you on the screen & not on paper. I do however intend still to bring the hand-written letter to the Zen Center tomorrow night, if everything works out with my friend this time. So, you'll have my cute little doodles in the header of the loose leaf to gawk & stare at in amazement of my cute little creative neuroses.

Plus, I spent a lot of time writing that damn letter and making it look pretty, so be sure that I want you to have the final hard copy for posterity's sake, as a souvenir (if you keep mementos of this sort laying around your home!).

The gist of the letter is that I MISS YOU!! Even though, I don't think that's ever explicitly written in the text. And, while there has been this gulf growing ever wider between us, I have been working very hard to try to recalibrate my priorities for recovery & sobriety. All of this is in hopes that you might be able to see in me some promise, some drive, some commitment, some plans; so that you can feel comfortable enough to reintegrate yourself back into my life to a point where I in no way am the cause of any strife or negativity.

I'd like things to go back to the way they were, when we would hang out every week and go to the movies, but now that my recovery is a burning, pressing priority, we can't go back to these old ways of just nonchalantly ignoring the truth of my weak and feeble existence. I would like to see you regularly still however, even if that means only at MEDITATION & RECOVERY at the Zen Center San Francisco on Monday Nights. It still would be nice to be able to meet you at the teahouse ahead of time for some nice supportive conversation and a checking in.

I could really benefit from having your stalwart, sensitive, savvy support in my life every week, to keep me as "on track" as I have been these past few weeks since I started attending RECOVERY SUPPORT GROUPS at NEW LEAF. Finally, I was assigned a psychologist (a therapist, MFT!), and we have worked very intensively each week now for four weeks at mapping out my clean time and analyzing my triggers and cravings and hangups and give-ins.

Like I say in the letter/blog: "I AM MAKING PROGRESS!" And, I want you to share in that forward momentum. At the end of the letter, on the very last page, written in all capitals, I go on a small tirade about how and why I need you in my life, and I make a rather important, seemingly superhuman request of you.

Please, take the question seriously! Don't blow it off as just more evidence of my youthful naivety & zeal. I mean what I say...what I ask! My need for you in my life is definitely that profound! Take some time to think about the question, to interpret it in your own way, to understand what it is I am asking of you, and then please, give me your answer & comments.

You could either write down your thoughts in a return letter, or we could meet at the teahouse tomorrow night at about 6:15/30P.M. to talk one on one about the contents of my letter. If my friend from MEW LEAF comes with me tomorrow, then that would also give you two a nice opportunity to be introduced. He's a good guy! He's already invited me to three different CMA/NA Recovery Meetings during the week and on the weekend, so I am returning the favor and dragging him along to my old time favorite RECOVERY MEETING: MEDITATION & RECOVERY!!

I told him already how incredible of an experience it is. I think he'll be truly delighted and inspired by attending. Maybe we might even be able to make a regular thing out of it, he and I!? We'll see! In the meantime, I'm focusing my energies & attention on winning you back into my graces & into my good confidence, as a confidante.

That's all there really is for me to say right now. I've probably gone a little bit overboard anyway, but it's been so long since I've seen you or talked to you; I didn't want to leave anything unsaid.

The link to my blog entry with your letter transcribed with intro. & conclusion is at the bottom of this message. The blog entry is entitled, "Forward: In The Direction of My Dreams!" — a line taken directly from the last page tirade and superhuman request of you. See, that's how I feel I have begun to move: FORWARD!! And my dreams are no longer bleak and unwelcoming. They are filled with visions and feelings of constant, sustainable sobriety and success with my long term, committed recovery.

I want to share my dreams with you once again. I want you to carry me along the way when I am too week to stand and move forward on my own. "Who says a friend or brethren can't be your Higher Power?" I believe in friendship! I have faith in friendship, our friendship! May it truly bless us both with good tidings and benevolence. Namaste, dear friend!! Peace Out! Ciao! Cheers! TTYS! And see you tomorrow night (IF YOU AREN"T IN AFRICA!!)...

Who knows, maybe it will be my lucky day and be your night to lead the group with a discussion on your own personal Buddhist philosophy around Recovery. I look forward to hearing your perspective and to taking copious notes to learn by.

You're the greatest man I know! No lie! But, I don't know many men, so consider yourself "not so special," if you care to... Hehehehe. OK! I'm outtie! A DOMANI, MIO AMICO BELLISSIMO E FORTE!! Ciao again. Bye for now! Thanks for sitting though all of this dribble drabble and for listening to my every word.

Your attention and consideration means a lot to me! A whole hell of a lot!! May you be blessed with serenity of mind and wholeness of body! I hope your health is good! Mine is so so. We can talk about that another time. Ta Ta for now!

Most ever so sincerely,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA 94109-7821
[MDB2009.06.07@08:04PST]

http://twitter.com/QHereKidSF
http://qherekidsf.blogspot.com
http://profile.to/matthewblanchard
http://www.bebo.com/aimsn/cheesefryz
http://www.linkedin.com/in/matthewblanchard
http://www.xtreak.com/go/QHereKidSF/141027
http://www.google.com/profiles/mblanchard1979

IF ONE ADVANCES CONFIDENTLY IN THE DIRECTION OF HIS DREAMS,
AND ENDEAVORS TO LIVE THE LIFE HE HAS IMAGINED,HE WILL MEET , c
WITH A SUCCESS UNEXPECTED IN COMMON HOURS.
— Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)ng
I believe that this email if not succintly then exhaustively describes my intentions with the letter to Steven. I'm not sure if I will see him tomorrow night at MEDITATION & RECOVERY at the Zen Center San Francisco, because as I've previously alluded to: HE COULD BE IN AFRICA!

Yes, Dr. Steven Tierney often makes trips to Zambia, Africa to do HIV/AIDS Advocacy related work with the tribes people in the rural country, work that he has been doing on an off ever since he was Director of HIV Prevention for the SFDPH AIDS Office back when I was a member of the HPPC (see previous posts!) in 2003-2005.

So, Steven could be trapzing around Zambian villages working with the HIV+ countrymen & women & children there. He might not be at MEDITATION & RECOVERY, though I hope that if he is it is indeed his time to facilitate the Buddhist teaching discussion, 'cause I've yet to hear him speak about his spirituality to a group in public. I look forward dearly to watching him and to participating in the monitored discussion afterwards.

I think that he would welcome me interjecting my own thoughts at the end of his speech, like many other recovering addicts & alcoholics do at meetings of this sort. We'll just have to wait and see. I at least hope that Steven appreciates receiving the blog link in this email. For reference to the blog entry in mention, see the second previous entry: "Forward: In the Direction of My Dreams!"

[MDB2009.06.07@13:00PST]

20 March 2009

Equilibrium: Homily = Intuititive Dialogue

I thought of so many titles for this blog entry, but found trouble reaching a decision because the scope of this article is so broad and detailed, while it bounds between momentous bits of wisdom of faith as if the intellect and the soul were mere play toys (not to sound pretentious!).

I have so much to discuss! This afternoon (from 1:30 - 2:45pm), I had my weekly Gospel Reading, Homily, Communion and Anointment from my in-home chaplain, and we had such an invigorating conversation that engaged me and drew me into deep contemplation and questioning: healthy questioning about my faith and my experiences.

The main themes of this article, which synopsizes my Reverend's Homily and our incorporated dialogue, are Congregation or Community vs. Church Leadership or Institution; Exclusion from faith Communities; The Resiliency of faith and Its Survival; The Equilibrium of Binary Occurrences in Faith (Yin/Yang, Jesus Christ/The Devil, Bliss/Pain, Fulfillment/Suffering, etc.); (again as in other Homilies) The Discovery of New Gifts and Pathways Toward Reaching Our Full Potential in Faith and in Life in God's Eyes; The "OctoMom" Debate, Faith and Recovery, etc.

I hope that if you can make it through this lengthy, ambitious article you might find some delightful tickle or titillating twists of intellect and faith (two virtues that so often seem a dichotomy) that inspire you to examine and strengthen your own relationship with God—the Father, and to continue your journey toward Salvation and Enlightenment through deep thought and study and debate.

Be blessed, my friends! For I would like to share my blessings with you all! Let me know what you think of the arguments in this article and about my relationship with my caring, stoic, unoffensive priest who visits me weekly for soul searching & revelation. What a gift! What an honor!



St. Andrei Rublev, "St. John the Apostle." [Illustration]
standreirublevicons.com, ©2008 (March 20, 2009).

The Gospel acc. to John
Chapter 6 : Verses 52 - 71


52 The Jews therefore strove among themselves, saying, How can this man give us his flesh to eat?
53 Then Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you.
54 Whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last day.
55 For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed.
56 He that eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, dwelleth in me and I in him.
57 As the living Father hath sent me, and I live by the Father: so he that eateth me, even he shall live by me.
58 This is the bread which came down from heaven: not as your fathers did eat manna and are dead: he that eateth of this bread shall live forever.
59 These things said he in the synagogue, as he taught in Capernaum.
60 Many therefore of his disciples, when they had heard this, said, This is a hard saying; who can hear it?
61 When Jesus knew in himself that his disciples murmured at it, he said unto them, Doth this offend you?
62 What and if ye shall see the Son of man ascend up where he was before?
63 It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak to you are spirit; and they are life.
64 But there are some of you that believe not: for Jesus knew from the beginning who they were that believed not, and who should betray him.
65 And he said, Therefore, said I unto you, that no man can come unto me, except it were given unto him of my Father.
66 From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him.
67 Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will you also go away?
68 Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou has the words of eternal life.
69 And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.
70 Jesus answered them, Have not I chosen you twelve, and one of you is a devil?
71 He spoke of Judas Iscariot the son of Simon; for he it was that should betray him, being one of the twelve.

"The Gospel acc. to John 6:52-71," The Holy Bible v.King James..
[Religious Lit.] Paradise Press, Inc. ©2006 (March 20, 2009).


During today's Homily and discussion with my in-home chaplain, Rev. Stephen Bartlett-Re, I found myself immersed in deep thought and conversation, constantly rebutting my priest's messages to me by asking questions or by offering alternative personal views on matters of religion and faith. It was a great dialogue which left me inspired to record much of what was discussed again in a blog entry.

As Fthr. Stephen calls himself an intuitive thinker (as am I) and not a linear thinker, our conversation was rather rambling and curvaceous in its style, so it's difficult synopsizing the themes of our discussion in a logical format; because we let the conversation: a nontraditional though very personalized Homily, flow through and around ideas, examining each one of them briefly as they came into discussion.

But I will try to condense the Homily in an intelligible manner, so that readers of this blog entry might fully comprehend and be inspired by the immense wisdom that was shared spontaneously between two friends in Faith.

Before Fthr. Stephen read of the Gospel, we had a lengthy conversation that was ignited by a realization that there is a distinct difficulty in the GLBTQ community for men & women to practice a religion in a proper congregation of any denomination, while its easier for them to be disconnected from a church and yet to retain an enduring faith in God—The Father, and his sacrifice: his only son, Jesus Christ.

We both noticed how difficult it has been in our lives to find a church community that is accepting and welcoming and loving of us as gay men (or merely as anonymous individuals, even; regardless of our sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, gender, creed—or because of it?). Fthr. Stephen suggests that women in all fashions of the church are usually more welcoming than men (even in non-faith communities) in general, and men are more stoic & reserved and uninviting.


This, I proclaimed indignantly, was the reason why the gay community is so weak in faith and elsewhere in social life and community. Rev. Stephen agreed with me with a nod, a smile, and a confirming, concise response, "Exactly." He then described his personal experience living in Europe, in order to demonstrate how Anglo-Saxon/Americans have a tendency to compartmentalize their lives and sternly separate faith from function—contrary to Europeans.

He said that, in Europe, one can move in between and around the various aspects of one's personality without offending anyone, without being judged, and without negatively affecting the natural flow of conversation. In Europe, you can live as your true self and speak harmoniously of sexual orientation and religion in the same sentence.

Fthr. Stephen then continued to emphasis the obvious distinction between Religion & Faith, and between institutional leadership & congregational leadership in the Church. One is community-driven; it thrives on the strength of a small close knit group of parishioners. One is a megalithic administration that values more the increase of their already expansive wealth over parishioners as a community of individual followers of one common Faith. And lastly, there's the independent, rejected outcast of the Church, who still manages to salvage, nurture and grow his own Faith and Practice privately.

But community is primarily responsible for the survival of the Church, and many gay men & women (such as the parishioners of the Holy Redeemer Catholic Church in the Castro District of San Francisco, who blindly accept the bigotry and judgment against their lifestyles and values in sermon and in practice of the Church leadership & community, and still nonetheless follow along, deftly silencing any impulse toward rebuttal of what they hear and see from their conservative heterosexual church members and clergy; because they want (they need) to stay part of this particular Faith Community.


The truth is that in every group or community (or even political organization), there are unique rules and regulations, mores & maxims that members must obey, rather than risk disintegrating the community through internal strife and disagreement. Members of a community (social, religious, political or otherwise) must abandon or quench some of their most potent, inspired values and ideas for the sake of the group maintaining its salience.

The dialogue about faith and the GLBTQ communities in America took a biting, sardonic tone, when it was turned toward current pop culture news & events by Fthr. Stephen's mentioning of the "OctoMom." What he revealed to me about the "OctoMom", based on news he had heard in conversation with colleagues and in reading various international news journals, was actually very revelatory—although tragically ironic or an oxymoron (even worse!). He explained that there is a certain potently vocal group of Christian Fundamentalist Church leaders who have begun to argue that the "OctoMom" phenomenon is the fault of the Homosexuals.

"What!? Why in the world? How in the world could they come to that conclusion?" I questioned. Rev. Stephen explained further that the Fundamentalist Christian Right Wing community is circulating the idea that this poor woman felt obligated to birth all eight babies because she was "fighting to preserve the Heterosexual race" against a detrimentally prolific propagating of gay people all over the World!!

I was stunned, shocked, appalled! Primarily, because I distinctly remember viewing a RadarTV.com television interview with the "OctoMom", where she defensively confessed in her own uniquely reasonable and rational way that she "wouldn't put the kids up for adoption, and...could have never killed the embryos, because they were human life. That'd be murder!"

What's so ironic is that this particular rationale: the obligation to produce or "save" life because unfertilized embryos are human beings, is the same rationale that serves as the backbone of all Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist arguments against Human Embryonic Stem Cell Research—research that may just very well lead to the curing of many of humankind's most devastating diseases and infirmities, and may one day prove to see the paralyzed take their "first steps on Earth."


So it just logically seems to me that the "OctoMom" and her fourteen children are the direct product of Conservative Fundamentalists and of the extreme pro-life rhetoric and values of the Christian Church or some far Right (but horribly wrong!) Denomination; and the phenomenon is not the fault of a gay population take over. Funny though! Chances are that at least 6 of her children will end up struggling with their sexual identity in their adolescence and turn out to be gay or lesbian. Hah Hah!

See! We are taking over! It's our own covert operation to progressively eliminate the entire Heterosexual Race, but that would only be possible if Darwin's theories of "Survival of the Fittest" & "Evolution" were sound & true. The Christians would never admit to That! Oh God! Can you imagine? It would turn the world in spirals downward so low we'd all be engulfed in the flames at the core of the Earth and suffer eternally in Purgatory!! Sense the cynicism and sarcasm? Hell, I couldn't make it any more blatantly obvious. Hehehehe!

Upon the frustrating end to the "OctoMom" topic, Fthr. Stephen read some of the verses of today's Gospel (the first half to 2/3) and began to focus in to discuss the essence of his Homily. The scripture reads (and I paraphrase; because we all have the right to take certain liberties with the Bible, as it has been so many times so loosely and biasedly translated; and because, I'm not much of a fan of the King James Version translation that I've cited at the start of this article): Whoso eateth of the flesh of the Son and drinketh of his blood will live forever! That statement, in and of itself, represents one of the many core values or sentiments of our religion.

Rev. Stephen enlighted me by guiding me to the realization that this is an open, non-prejudicial or non-segregatory statement. In this simple, succinct statement, there is not mention of anything remotely related to classifications based on race, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, marital status or sin. All that one needs to be worthy of eternal life in the emaculate bliss of Heaven is to have faith enough to believe that the bread of Christ is the flesh of Christ; and the wine, his blood.

Eternal life is our gift for having faith enough to eat of the flesh of Jesus and drink of his blood: a gruesome, cannabilistic, vampyric action or simply a symbolic gesture: an expression of our profoundly complex individual Faith in God and in the Life, Death and the Miracles of his only son, Jesus Christ. "It's about the fundamentals not the Fundamentalists," Fthr. Stephen declared. "As Paul the Apostle preached, Absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love for each of us!" he added.

Bringing the dialogue in a complete circle, limiting any tangential sway from the crux of his message: his Homily, Fthr. Stephen argued again of the conflict between Church Community and Church Leadership (Congregation vs. Institution), believing that when conflict arises between the two and a follower is admonished and rejected by the religious community, faith can still survive outside the Church.

For example, in Ancient empirical Japan, all religious institutions were systematically abolished by the Empire, but the Faith and the Practices of Buddhism & Confucionism have nontheless survived until today, thousands of years! Fthr. Stephen also gave the example of the Catholic Revival and the development of his own Old Catholic or Anglo-Catholic Faith during the time of the Catholic Reformation before Vatican II, when certain ancient traditions were abandonned, only to be scavanged up by derilect, Old Catholic priests who would perserve them and let them survive through history.

A religious institution can attempt to destory its fundamentals—tearing apart sacred vestaments; melting down priceless chalices & crucifixes, standards & staffs for the value of the gold; destroying a rich artistic heritage of traditional iconography all in the name of Modernization—but the fundamental faith remains. Separate demonations dissolve or separate into factions, often in disaccordance and conflict, but as discussed earlier in this article, religious community members learn to quiet many of their urges to argue, so that we all still are able to share the same fundamental Faith in a Higher Power.

We all remain Christian. And, even distant alternatives to Christianity (Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism...Pagan Faiths, even) begin to converge around a certain, fundamentally human belief in what is good, in what is Faith, and in the Divine. Faith survives all conflict or isolation and history's ravaging of traditions, because it is fundamental, not Fundamentalist.


For Church communities to survive (and this relates to the earlier discussion on the Holy Redeemer Catholic Church, situated in the direct center of a thriving gay community, with many gay parishioners), if you want to be a member of a Faith Community (of any community) you must accept certain rules and regulations of that group. It's about maintaining equilibrium.

Where there is good, there is bad—accomplishment; struggle—but the good always prevails; or so Fthr. Stephen argued. But through all of my horrendous experiences over these last six years, I had to argue back: "If it's all a matter of equilibrium, then why has there been such a powerfully destructive imbalance between the positive and the negative in my life?" Rev. Stephen responded with his hands turned up, his elbows in and his shoulders down in a shrug, "That's just the truth of life," he answered back.

Honestly, I'm not sure if that was a sufficient answer for me, but before I could argue against that response, Rev. Stephen returned to the message of one of his previous Homilies (a theme that often reoccurs in his sermons): that he, as a leader of Faith, cannot determine another person's path in life and cannot therefore provide definite, complete answers to the whys and wherefores of the cruelty of Life. That is something that someone has to determine or figure out for themselves, as they progress toward the realization of their full, complete relationship with God in Faith.

He explained again, as he has before, that I am "coming ito a new understanding of my gifts in life." He tried to pet my sore, wounded ego then by quoting a statement from a female Saint of the early 20th Century; "Jobs become obsolete; talents don't!" And he continued the lesson he has often preached to me, by explaining, "It's only in learning to use our new and hidden gifts, that we may grow into our full potential" (again, I paraphrase, but the essence of his holy message is implied in this quotation).

I recognize that I am finding immense fulfillment in discovering my new gifts and pathways toward Salvation and have begun the process of moving forward. I even have a little momentum, but I just have to admit that I also have many handicaps and hangups to stuggle against.

That is when I argued that the struggle and journey toward reaching one's full potential often leads one to realize new discoveries, but it also may often cause us to trip over and over on potholes and missteps. The journey is about battling against the pitfalls and hangups; or, at least, it is about finding an "equilibrium" between the momentum, traction, friction, tread and reversals.

My chaplain then argued that these hangups and tragedies in life are a result of one's constant struggle, especially as a closeted gay adolescent or young man, to fight the mold that society has pushed him into, and we rebel in very reactionary, destructive ways: self-destructive tendencies, which are the result of our lack of self-awareness as young people. Despite all the destruction and failures though, God's love for us endures. That is what we can trust in and count on. That was Fthr. Stephen's ultimate message to me with his Homily today.

And I very much was attentively attuned to his arguments, appreciating the opportunity to share in the extemporaneous development of his Homily through dialogue, discussion, rebuttal and response. This participatory style of preaching through conversation lends itself to both our intuitive, complex, circular, disjunctured intellects, so that we have both been able to stimulate each other's rational though and peaceful non-consiliatory arguments, and to come to realize and engender very remarkable instances of distinct wisdom in Faith.

This is why I am so grateful to have the support of such an engaging, supportive, compassionate, faithful spiritual guide or religious leader involved in my life on a weekly basis, because it keeps me constantly attuned to developments in my relationship with my Higher Power.

These weekly Old Catholic Homily dialogues, combined with weekly Buddhist Meditation & Recovery meetings at the Zen Center - San Francisco with Steven Tierney, Ed.D, CAS (my mentor and dear friend) and with my new Zen Recovery "Sanga" or Faith Community, keeps me primed for some valuable discoveries and realizations about my relationship with God, about the crippling control my disease & addiction have over me, and how only my Faith in the reaching of my full potential in God's eyes, will allow me to overcome my addiction.


I'm well through the first three steps of Recovery (even without a Sponsor yet), and I am constantly practicing the principles of Step 11 on nearly a daily basis. More praying and meditation wouldn't hurt, though! I wouldn't want to jinx my progress! It's about finding equilibrium! I'm not sure if all the 10 & 12 & 15 year recovering addicts I encounter at NA & CMA meetings would necessarily agree with this concept. They would at least argue that there's no place for drug and alcohol abuse & addiction in Equilibrium; because, in fact, active use would only disrupt the balance of our Faith & Spirit constantly, dramatically, viciously.

Once one has gained sobriety and has begun the battle to contol and sustain it, then they might be able to balance all the real, standing, human negatives of life with an even more clear, exaltant, sober experience of the positives—knowing that God's love for us will always endure, and that Enlightenment & Perfection are, yes, realistically attainable.

There is hope and beauty in the World, despite the simultaneous existance of their exact hideous and despairing opposities; and this is a reason to keep fighting to realize one's true gifts in life: to find balance (or even to somewhat expertly control the balance) between the pluses and the minuses. That is the intuitive conclusion I have come to realize by having this Homily today personalized to my particular circumstances and by continuing my participation in the study of these religious teachings, through the platform and outlet of this blog exercise.

I am grateful to have this opportunity to collect, record and publish my thoughts to the world. Even though, my followeres are few; I maintain quiet, serene, satisfied hope that maybe (just maybe) one day the writing of my opinions, thoughts and curious contemplations will move some people to strengthen their Faith and their beliefs and their morals and their intellect. And to maybe (just maybe) one day have more people join me in dialogue to help boarden our minds & our own beliefs.

That is what I hope I might gain from this blog endeavor, and that is where I will end my pontications for now. Thank you for reading! Please be encouraged to post your own thoughts as comments on this blog entry or on others. Ideally, I would aslo like this blog to be used as a way to develop a connection with a wider network of friends and supporters. That would be great! Thank You! Peace Out! Cheers! Namaste!

In God's Love...
Most Sincerely,

Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew Blanchard
San Francisco, CA

SAY NOTHING OF MY RELIGION. IT IS KNOWN TO GOD & MYSELF ALONE.
IT'S EVIDENCE BEFORE THE WORLD IS TO BE SOUGHT IN MY LIFE: IF IT
HAS BEEN HONEST & DUTIFUL TO SOCIETY THE RELIGION WHICH HAS
REGULATED IT CANNOT BE A BAD ONE.
— Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

THE TRUE MEANING OF RELIGION IS THUS NOT SIMPLY MORALITY,
BUT MORALITY TOUCHED BY EMOTION.
— Matthew Arnold (1822-1888), 'Literature & Dogma,' preface to 1883 ed.

IF YOU CAN'T HAVE FAITH IN WHAT IS HELD UP TO YOU FOR FAITH, YOU
MUST FIND THINGS TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, FOR A LIFE WITHOUT FAITH
IN SOMETHING IS TOO NARROW A SPACE TO LIVE.
— George E. Woodberry

[MB2009.03.20@03:37
PMPST]
[MB2009.04.02@08.24AMPST]