Showing posts with label professional development. Show all posts
Showing posts with label professional development. Show all posts

19 November 2010

Love as MOVEMENT! Love as LIGHT!!

Plato’s Phaedrus & Racine’s Phèdre
When desire, having rejected reason and overpowered judgment which leads to right, is set in the direction of the pleasure which beauty can inspire, and when again under the influence of its kindred desires it is moved with violent motion towards the beauty of corporeal forms, it acquires a surname from this very violent motion, and is called love.
– Socrates (469-399 B.C.), ... in Plato, Phaedrus.
When_desire_having_rejected_reason_and_overpowered_judgment.
Dictionary.com. Columbia World of Quotations, Columbia Univ. Press,
1996. http://quotes.dictionary.com/when_desire_having_rejected
reason_and_overpowered_judgment
(accessed: Nov. 19, 2010)

I'm most familiar with the gut-wrenching, "violent motion" Socrates defines here as the transmutative movement of desire into so-called "Love," through my studies of the French neoclassical tragedian, Jean Racine, and of his exemplar piece of tragic theater: Phèdre (1677), a masterfully theatrical dramatization of similar dialogues on love, the soul, madness, divine inspiration, and the proper forms of art and rhetoric as found in Plato's Phaedrus (c. 370 B.C.).

Plato's use of movement as the main descriptive motif in this passage by Socrates fully respected the corporeal theater traditions (e.g., dithyrambic & choral dancing, pantomime, masks, etc.) of Ancient Greek Theatre. In Racine's Phèdre, however, light (i.e., sunlight, fire, flames, etc.) and darkness (i.e., shadows, veils, blindness, etc.) are the main motifs used to represent the transmutative eclipsing of desire by so-called "Amour.”

Racine toys with our sense of sight and sound, as he explores impassioned sanguine sexual drive, the blood-lust of maternal instinct, and the bloodlines of familial obligation, all through depictions of a furiously tormented tragic heroine who inches closer and closer toward imminent death just when prospects of incest surface as faits accomplis.

The following exerts of poetry from Jean Racine’s neoclassical masterpiece, Phèdre, offer decent textual references to and representations of the aforementioned motifs.

HIPPOLYTE
Il veut avec leur sœur ensevelir leur nom,
Et que jusqu’au tombeau soumise à sa tutelle,
Jamais les feux d’hymen ne s’allument pour elle.
(I.i.ll. 114-116)

In the first citation, HIPPOLYTE — Phèdre’s son by marriage, her peer in youth, and the man with whom she is madly in love — describes how the sole reason that his father, Thésée — king of Athens — took Phèdre on as a matrimonial conquest was “to bury” (ensevelir) the family name of Phèdre’s dead father: Minos.

Hippolyte goes on to explain how his father’s ulterior intention was to be certain that Phèdre submits to “his reign” (sa tutelle) as husband and king “until her death” (jusqu’au tombeau). Agonizing over the infamously vile and incestuous love he shares with his new mother, Hippolyte laments, “Never will the hymen fires shine bright for [Phèdre]” (Jamais les feux d’hymen ne s’allument pour elle).

OENONE
Vous-même, rappelant votre force première,
Vous vouliez vous montrer et revoir la lumière.
Vous la voyez, madame, et prête à vous cacher,
Vous haïssez le jour que vous veniez chercher ?

PHÈDRE
[…] Soleil, je te viens voir pour la dernière fois.
(I.iii.ll. 13-16, 20)

The second passage is a citation of dialogue between OENONE — nurse-maid to the new queen of Athens — and PHÈDRE which illustrates with very direct language the metonymical allusion to “maternity and the act of childbirth” (votre force première), or in the case of Phèdre, the act of breaking the maternal cycle by not being reborn to light again.

Oenone’s passage, which refers at once to “being shown and seeing light” (vous montrer et revoir la lumière): the light of impassioned love, concludes with a frustrated condemnation against Phèdre: “You see it, madame, and ready to hide yourself, / You hate the day for which you had just searched.”

This closing couplet of Oenone’s response to Phèdre’s plight represents an accusation against the new Queen that she is merely like a newborn child who squeezes her eyes shut to brilliant illumination (i.e., passion, life, etc.) in hatred of the day (i.e., daylight, light, life, etc.) that she was in fact just seeking.

Phèdre then responds, after three lines of erroneously omitted text, “Sun, I’m coming to see you for the last time.” In a very pointed and purposed manner, Phèdre renounces the sun (i.e., daylight, light, life, etc.) and essentially commits herself to death (i.e., darkness, blindness, veiled sight, etc.), for fear that her own furiously vile and incestuous passion would only cause her immense suffering in life.

HIPPOLYTE
Ma honte ne peut plus soutenir votre vue;
Et je vais…

PHÈDRE
Ah ! Cruel, tu m’as trop entendue.
(II.v.ll. 92-93)

The citation above is the exchange of dialogue between HIPPLOYTE and PHÈDRE which introduces, incites, and informs that which is perhaps the most masterfully written monologue of dramatic poetry in all of neoclassical theater (Phèdre, II.v.ll. 93-134).

This extrapolated, shared couplet represents the single most evident use of the motifs of sight and sound by Racine in the entire text of Phèdre. Coincidentally, it is the sound of Phèdre’s bellowed beckoning, which triumphs perniciously over Hippolyte’s own failed attempt to conscientiously object to the sight of his new mother-beloved.

I argue that the line: “Ah! Cruel, you have heard too much of me,” would definitely have ensnared the minds, thoughts and attention of any arrogantly aloof and detached aristocratic orchestral audience to the stage play, if played right.

The neoclassical theatre of 17th Century France was envisioned not as a théâtre du tréteau, but rather it was meant to be played on interior proscenium stages whose architecture was adorned with a garishly ornate & sumptuous decor of gold, whose scenic play space was dimly lit by candled footlights, and whose elite socialite & aristocratic orchestral audience was best lit by the brilliant glow from flames of a giant chandelier.

During the reign of Le Roi Soleil (i.e., The Sun King): Louis XIV, much emphasis, attention, admiration and accolades were lavished upon Aristocrats, who pompously paraded as living embodiments of neoclassical perfection amongst stalls of the orchestra and the loges of playhouses, such as Le Théâtre du Vieux Colombier or La Comédie-Française, for example. Rightfully so then, this audience of Aristocrats was cast in the brightest light.

If full attention was not being paid by ear to the languidly illustrious sonorities of Racine's dramatic poetry, then certainly an audience's eyes would be dully enthralled by the dazzlingly resplendent luminosity which cast a sublime glow over themselves. Thus, the carnal theater of la haute culture would play out in seats and aisles of la salle, while dramatic actors bellowed forth beautifully crafted rhymed couplets of dodecosyllabic alexandrins as inaudible room tone, in the shadows of a dimly lit stage.

The theatrical stage à l'italienne of 17th Century France was in all points of fact far more well-equipped than the contemporaneous playhouses of England, German and Spain. In fact, evidence has well been recorded into the timeless tomes of architectural history for the Neoclassical Age that depicts the Parisian playhouses of that period as touting many working innovations of scenic machinery.

One of these innovations, borrowed from the theaters of the Italian Renaissance, would have been ambient lighting overhung above the platform stage and behind the proscenium arch. As for the four state-commissioned theaters of royal Paris, it would have been possible therefore not only to dim and intensify the luminosity of these candled lights; but, with sheaths of heavily wax-coated and flame-resistant, colored paper, stage mechanicals of the time would have been able to create subtle changes in the tonality and hues of radiant light and shadows on stage.

When all was said and done, the théâtre à l'italienne of 17th Century Neoclassical France would have (and did) serve as the perfect creative space in which Jean Racine, Pierre Corneille et Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, dit Molière, could compose sumptuous dramatic poetry perfectly attuned to the stage, scenic & script conventions of that time.

In fact, I would even venture to argue that the poetry of Racine's Phèdre, ripe with allusions to the dramatic interplay of sight & sound, light & darkness, and life & death as representing the transmutative eclipsing of desire by "Love," was written for the specific 17th Century neoclassical lieu théâtrale in which it debuted: a theatrical space dimly lit o'er its actors, but brilliantly beaming o'er its elite socialite, aristocratic audience.

Respectfully submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard

San Francisco, CA USA

http://bit.ly/qherekidsf
[20101119T180043PST]

WordReference: I count myself amongst them!

I'm not sure what led me to it, but after an evening of meandering mindlessly along on my cyberwaves surfboard, I 'stumbled upon" a very familiar website: WordReference.com, in search of the proper translation for the English/American phrase, "I count myself amongst them." The following is a complete exert from the most pertinent thread of the WordReference.com Language Forums (Italian-English) that I could find with a quick glance of the index. 

Below, you will find an original thread entitled "I count myself amongst these," along with three responses to that specific thread, including my own. As a header to the original thread and its responses, I have included the screen names, descriptions and links to the profiles of those persons who posted either the original thread or their own responses to it, including my own.

Let it be known at the onset of this citation, for the record, that I freely admit to having the tendency while in the WordReference.com Language Forums not of flaunting my inherently flawed non-native fluency in various languages, but rather of tenaciously tackling the gargantuan challenge of expressing my thoughts in languages that are foreign to me, by exercising my second/third language learning skills with much vivacity, determination and zeal.  

What does this mean, really? Well, for what most contributors devote a mere thirty words of explication, I tend to ramble onward and upward of about three hundred or more words, just to get my point(s) across — be they relevant, or not!!  It's exasperating, but undeniably exciting & fun, experimenting with words in such a way.  

For the case of this particular WordReference.com Forum thread, I leave it to all of my Italian-speaking friends & followers to cajole, console and encourage me with corrections of any sort! Thanks for the help, ahead of time! Lord knows, I'll need it!!
10th November 2010, 04:48AM PST
Junior Member
Native Language: English/Australian
I count myself amongst these

Could someone please help me to translate "I count myself amongst these." Context is "Many people find the buildings in Rome fascinating. I count myself amongst these."

Am I able to get away with saying, "Mi annovero tra questi"? Could I use the "ne" somehow?

Thanks,
Tony

10th November 2010, 04:50AM PST
Senior Member
Native Language: Italian/Sardinian
Re: ne and annoverrare

No, you can't. Your translation is perfect.

10th November 2010, 05:28AM PST
Senior Member
Native Language: Italian/Florentine
Re: I count myself amongst these

"Molte personne sono affascinate dai monumenti di Roma. Io sono fra/una di queste."

But, you could also say:

"Molti sono affascinati dai monumenti di Roma. Io ne sono un esempio."

19th November 2010, 07:19AM PST
Junior Member
Native Language: English/American
Re: Come scegliere tra una risposta e l'altra...


Se il mio italiano, oltre ad essere la mia seconda lingua straniera, non mostrasse perfino una grammatica perfetta a tacere di vantare una ottima maestria del lessico italo-europeo e della sintassi neolatina, vale ancora la pena di sapere come distinguere tra la giusta risposta od una risposta macchiata solo di grande stima.

Ma questo c'entra poco, salvo errori ed omissioni, giacché il dibattito sul soggetto delle varie traduzioni di locuzione verbale nonché preposizionale: "to count oneself amongst them," fu stato già trattato in lungo e in largo — sennò scritto "ad nauseam," così com'è detto di solito nel inglese neolatino — in tutto questo filo di foro.


Ci è bastata la prima volta qui quando fu stato già datto l'unica guista risposta, ma Loro la farò vedere lo stesso!! Per quanto ci possa provare, non riesco impedirmi di dire a Loro le mie opinioni, per il poco che possano valere:


Dopo avere fatto un imponente tentativo di giudicare le due risposte principali sopraccitate — una contra l'altra — mi sono a pena reso conto della grande differenza di significati fra le due risposte:


a.) "Mi annovero tra questi" è soltanto un esempio di traduzione letterale, esatta e precisa; privo di immaginazione, mentre...

b.) "Io sono fra queste / Io ne sono un esempio" sono infatti due esempi di traduzioni più idiomatiche che l'altro suddetto, a causa dei loro significati più plebei però fuori dell'ordinario.

Mi fanno piacere le due traduzioni di
Akire72, perché, secondo me, rivelano una fortissima stretta della lingua italiana.

Nonostante fosse stato concesso al pubblico dei fori di
WordReference.com così come sembrare fin troppo bene l'unica risposta conciliante e adeguata per Tony Dandolo: un allievo appassionato di lingue straniere, il primo esempio di risposta dato da Blackman non conseguiva niente oltre a lodare e stimare un principiante anglofono dei fori di WordReference.com a tal punto che l'inferiore non avrebbe appreso niente se non fosse per gli due altri esempi dati dalla fiorentina, Akire72.

A ogni buon conto ed a conti fatti, che diavolo sto facendo? Aspiro a riconoscere inoltre donde sono nati la confusione e il disguido in questo filo di foro.


Almeno ci ho eppure provato a distinguere tra una risposta non così proficua e una risposta esemplare che non soltanto mostra una struttura linguistica giusta ma pure che dà sfogo ad un espressione colloquiale facile da ricordarsene. Chi s'è visto s'è visto, non?

__________________
WordReference contributors. "I count myself amongst these," WordReference.com Language Forums
(Italian-English). 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises, Ltd. http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=1974223 (accessed: November 19, 2010).
 
Cordialmente,
Mathieu/Matt(e)o

__________________
M. Blanchard | QHereKidSF (San Francisco, CA USA)

01 October 2010

dot429 | BUSINESSON&OFFLINE™

COMPANY OVERVIEW: 
dot429.com is an exclusive networking community for gay professional men and women to connect with other successful gay people both live and online. Online, dot429.com will create a community featuring member profiles, blogs written by industry leaders, a listing of exclusive networking events, mentoring, and other ways to connect.

One of the things that will make dot429 truly unique, however, is that the community will host live, signature events designed to connect people who will have professional goals in common. We will begin with a monthly networking brunch and a series of intimate dinners around the city targeted at specific interests and professions.

dot429 will be the premier way you meet other interesting gay and lesbian people who can help your career ... we'll put you in good company.


MISSION:
dot429 was created with a simple vision in mind – to create a way for gay mean and women to network in order to help each other with their careers and lives. dot429 wants to make being gay an advantage in the work place.


Copyright © 2010 The 429 Group, LLC | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
The 429 Group, LLC | 28 Twin Peaks, San Francisco, CA 94114
TEL. +1.415.564.0429 | FAX. +1.415.651.8747


MATTHEW D. BLANCHARD
Non-Profit

HIV/AIDS Advocacy Professional

http://dot429.com/member/matthewblanchard
http://www.visualcv.com/matthewblanchard
http://www.linkedin.com/in/matthewblanchard
http://qherekidsf.blogspot.com/
http://facebook.com/mblanchard79
http://twitter.com/QHereKidSF
http://bit.ly/qherekidsf




ABOUT ME
QHereKidSF @1/3Life TRY!UMPH!!
I am Man masked madly in mind's eye misgivings... The ubiquity of my ugliness is uncannily ulterior to my beauty beguiled, BeGODS!! Follow me for flagrantly unfettered, frenetic Fog City faggotry: garrulously salacious, in-your-face sycophantism & sophistry...

You'll see!! WINK! — Naw, For REAL! Bet you can't risk (re)telling my untamed, unshamed story of those torturously tragic trials & tribulations that have tentatively turned my thin skin tough again, without tending toward some semblance of sycophantic sophistry...

My serendipitously well-timed Saturn Return @1/3Life TRY!UMPH!! might very well have scratched, scuffed & scarred sanguine scarlet rosy red my reconstructed cheeks, chin & smile for a while, after my 1/4Life CRISIS! came crashing to a cataclysmic end; yet now today, ne'er more may I say I choose to languish & lament over my last-ditch, last-chance, listless, leftover life...

As QHereKidSF @1/3Life, I TRY! "UMPH!!" to truimph, even if success means switch-hitting and missing a swing... Even if victory means voicing my voracious fear of forever falling a few flimsy feet forward as nothing but a ne'er-do-well "fagged-out fräulein funambule freak show" who is vanquished as in a damned near doomsday downfall by disease & disfigurement...

Rather, I'd like to step sure-footed onto a shaky steel iron string to prance and dance in delighted acrobatics...
There, where many miles high above the sky my mindflux, my mayhem, and my mutant monstrosity matter no more...

There, where I am able to impart my many myriad life lessons learned onto those often ill-begotten & forgotten fag-friendly few who too are left to lead ill-fated, infandous & unjust lives of illness, injury, disease, and (damned if it be so!!) disfigurement, LIKE ME = Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF (a.k.a. Matthew D. Blanchard)!!


EXPERTISE
SKILLS/PROFICIENCIES PROFILE:
•  Extensive firsthand involvement with San Francisco NPO Sectors.
•  Knowledge/experience advocating for disadvantaged peoples.
•  Genuinely exceptional desire to affect positive change in World.
•  Highly skilled in coordination of HIV/AIDS Advocacy Programs.
•  Intimate participation in development of HIV Prevention Policies.
•  Trained in Safer Sex Advocacy & HIV Test Counseling Services.
•  Highly advanced/accessible written & oral communication skills.
•  Proven ability to envision, grasp & realize complex plans & ideas.
•  Exceptionally creative in design & development of programming.
•  Near-native fluency in French written & oral communication.


EMPLOYMENT/EXPERIENCE SUMMARY:

Extensive professional experience & training in the following:
1.) FUND-RAISING & DEVELOPMENT 2.) COMMUNICATIONS
3.) PROGRAM MANAGEMENT 4.) STRATEGIC PLANNING
5.) POLICY MAKING & ANALYSIS 6.) GRAPHIC & WEB DESIGN
7.) WEB 2.0 SOCIAL MEDIA MARKETING & NETWORKING
8.) PERFORMANCE PRODUCTION DESIGN & DIRECTION
For Health Services Consumer Advocacy, International Development,
Government Affairs, and Performing Arts Nonprofit Sectors.


View/Download Resume [dot429.com]

ECONOMY CRISIS = ROLLERCOASTER RISING

A Response to Questions on Unemployment


Is it naive of me to think that I may be able to stick out the economic crisis for a while longer and make good of my meek & miserable financial situation by investing every last minute of my free time as an unemployed NPO Management & Development Strategist into volunteerism??

If I can't get paid to cultivate & enhance my professional skills & talents in the for-profit workforce, then why not sign on to volunteer or intern as an upper level technical or professional specialties adviser for a social benefiting charitable organization at the local, state or national level.

Nonprofits of all shapes & sizes are presently faced with ever greater challenges, when valiantly striving to sustain & enrich their programming, in order to fulfill their constantly evolving but always ubiquitously salient mission(s), even when financial support from individual, corporate or government donors in the for-profit sector is painfully slow in coming.

It is in the rank & file lineup of unpaid volunteers & interns for such organizations where my advanced education & skill sets will not only be immensely valued but further developed, and of course, put to good use!

That is why I participate as a volunteer member of the Board of Directors for two NPOs with distinctly different (yet each vitally important!) purpose, goals & missions: one serving the Public Health & Human Services sector of the San Francisco Bay Area, and the other, an International Development nonprofit based in the MetroDC Area that serves the capacity-building needs of the Government of Sierra Leone.

That is also why I participate as a distinguished Artist in Residence with a local, San Francisco Bay Area experimental performance group comprised of disabled LGBTQQI & gender variant artists, as well as disabled people of color. Furthermore, it is why I remain poised to sign on as a volunteer Development Associate for the same disabled persons' performance group, if ever they should need me, and also why I continue to educate & train myself in NPO Management & Development strategies through low-to-no cost skills building workshops & seminars offered by ... yup, you guessed it!! ... Employment Development NPOs.

On a more personal (and eventually, a more allegorical) note, I'd like to explain a little of my back-story & perspective on the economic crisis. While the initial circumstances of my long-term unemployment are quite out of the ordinary, my disabling illness & injury over the past 3-9YRS have earned me access to public health & social welfare benefits that have sustained my illuxurious lifestyle below the national economic poverty line.

However, out of necessity or sheer force of will perhaps, I have learned to benefit considerably from and maximize upon the immense freedom than comes with considering my financial instability as status quo. I've learned to recognize, with my eyes, heart & mind aimed toward optimism, that downward trends in the economy (or in any sector of our society, for that matter!) could never be eternally perpetuated, constant nor unrelenting.

I have breached the threshold of death in the last 10 years more often than I care to acknowledge; although, no matter how degraded & destitute, downtrodden, diseased & depressed I have found myself during the short unsettling span of a mere decade, as most people do -- in fact, as most socio-economic systems do! -- I have rebounded time & time again.

life is a rollercoaster

 Life is a rollercoaster by taranoel, on Flickr®
Copyright © 2010 taranoel | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

It is the hills, not the valleys to which I look forward, hopefully. However, I try to remain realistic when the rusty-wheeled wagon of this rollercoaster we call life reaches its low points, remembering that it is our descent downward into those valleys which is most torturously jarring and hypersonic speedily fast. Furthermore, it is our ascent back up to the highest peek of our most goodly fortune that is stupendously suspenseful & slow.

Often, our wagon wheels must lock into a motorized track for assistance getting up these hills. But, eventually, we make it! The closer we are to approaching the sun-crested hilltops and the longer our wagon ride stays suspended in motion at the mountains peak, the happier, more satisfied & content we seem to be. That's the thrill of the ride! Those are the rules of motion!

The rollercoaster of life, just like the wildly raucous & rambunctious swirly whirling sudden dips & dives of our global (yes, GLOBAL!!) economy, is meant to climb very slowly out of stupendously speedy descents. All we can do is pray that the wagon wheels, which pummel life quickly forward toward adventure at every turn, do in fact stay on track, so that we don't suffer a cataclysmic crash!

Hell, then there would be severed limbs, blood, guts & brains strewn or splattered everywhere! Although, even if we ever did succumb to such a terrifying scenario, the lucky few (or many more than meets the eye!) survivors would simply pay homage to the victims, discard their remains, repair & resolve any functional weaknesses of the wagon & its wheels through implementation of carefully charted & planned design innovations, and begin the ride again right from where we were thrown off. That's the thrill of the ride! Those are the rules of motion! This is the adventure we call life, as we (are not necessarily permitted to) chose it!

Is this terribly trite & adolescent literary device of mine making much sense to you all? I guess, what I really want to know is, after reading my written response to unemployment & economic crisis, whether or not your hope & optimism has been rekindled or restored?? Curious to gauge my impact...

Sincere Regards,

Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA USA
http://bit.ly/qherekidsf
[20101001T023713PST]

14 August 2010

Young Social Worker's Selfless ALTRUISM!!

A VICTIM TREATS HIS MUGGER RIGHT : NPR

JULIO DIAZ, MSW (age: 33)
Julio Diaz has a daily routine. Every night, the 31-year-old social worker ends his hour-long subway commute to the Bronx one stop early, just so he can eat at his favorite diner. But one night last month, as Diaz stepped off the No. 6 train and onto a nearly empty platform, his evening took an unexpected turn. He was walking toward the stairs when a teenage boy approached and pulled out a knife. "He wants my money, so I just gave him my wallet and told him, 'Here you go,'" Diaz says. As the teen began to walk away, Diaz told him, "Hey, wait a minute. You forgot something. If you're going to be robbing people for the rest of the night, you might as well take my coat to keep you warm." The would-be robber looked at his would-be victim, "like what's going on here?" Diaz says. "He asked me, 'Why are you doing this?'" Diaz replied: "If you're willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, then I guess you must really need the money. I mean, all I wanted to do was get dinner and if you really want to join me ... hey, you're more than welcome. "You know, I just felt maybe he really needs help," Diaz says. Diaz says he and the teen went into the diner and sat in a booth. "The manager comes by, the dishwashers come by, the waiters come by to say hi," Diaz says. "The kid was like, 'You know everybody here. Do you own this place?'" "No, I just eat here a lot," Diaz says he told the teen. "He says, 'But you're even nice to the dishwasher.'" Diaz replied, "Well, haven't you been taught you should be nice to everybody?" "Yea, but I didn't think people actually behaved that way," the teen said. Diaz asked him what he wanted out of life. "He just had almost a sad face," Diaz says. The teen couldn't answer Diaz — or he didn't want to. When the bill arrived, Diaz told the teen, "Look, I guess you're going to have to pay for this bill 'cause you have my money and I can't pay for this. So if you give me my wallet back, I'll gladly treat you." The teen "didn't even think about it" and returned the wallet, Diaz says. "I gave him $20 ... I figure maybe it'll help him. I don't know." Diaz says he asked for something in return — the teen's knife — "and he gave it to me." Afterward, when Diaz told his mother what happened, she said, "You're the type of kid that if someone asked you for the time, you gave them your watch." "I figure, you know, if you treat people right, you can only hope that they treat you right. It's as simple as it gets in this complicated world."
Produced for Morning Edition by Michael Garofalo. 
http://n.pr/DiazSW
As an aspiring Social Worker, who knows he's desperately got to work on treating people better (all people! all MANKIND!!), I am very moved by this story. Perhaps Diaz's faith in his fellowman, his uncommon generosity, empathy and understanding, could be misconstrued as a bit of 1/4-Life naivete, but I'd like to think that for as long as Diaz can and will cultivate, nurture, maintain, and grow his sense of altruism, then in fact all those possibly misconstrued character traits could be genuinely real and honest, and in fact, perhaps these traits could hang around for quite some time.

I've witnessed so much "BURN OUT" in the Social Services sector: MSW/LCSWs who just can no longer hack the pressure of daily on-the-job disappointments, letdowns and tragedy, and who have abandoned their careers after some 15 odd years, only to find themselves stranded.

Or, the other usual scenario, is that ground-zero in-the-trenches Social Service providers usually hack it for as long as they have to before a nice cushy desk-job comes their way, as Administrator of this, Coordinator of that, Manager of this, or Director of that. Then, that's when they lose sight of the human element that kept them so close to the streets at the beginning of their careers, and they grow cold and insensitive and money hungry, as most people do sooner or later.

I've known one or two people who have followed a different paradigm, and who have stuck to their guns in the trenches. Granted, these people could be painted in bizarrely radical and cacophonous timbres and hues, but they are REAL people, with REAL HONEST TO GOODNESS love for their fellowman. It's those type of people, 40 and 50 (and 60 or 70) year old men & women who still walk the streets looking to save a kid's life, that I find most heroic!! We'll have to see how Diaz turns out when he's a bout 20 years further into his career!!

Not cynical, but admiringly pleased...
Respectfully submitted,

Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA USA
[20100814T154013PST]


WE MAKE A LIVING BY WHAT WE GET;
WE MAKE A LIFE BY WHAT WE GIVE.
Winston Churchill 

09 June 2010

Old Dreams Needn't Die [JFT, p. 167]

"Lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise."
[Basic Text, p. 91]

Most of us had dreams when we were young. Whether we dreamed of a dynamic career, a large and loving family, or travels abroad, our dreams died when our addiction took hold. anything we ever wanted for ourselves was cast away in our pursuit of drugs. Our dreams didn't go beyond the next drug and the euphoria we hoped it would bring.

Now in recovery, we find a reason to hope that our lost dreams could still come true. No matter how old we are, how much our addiction has taken from us, or how unlikely it may seem, our freedom from active addiction gives us the freedom to pursue our ambitions. We may discover that we're very talented at something, or find a hobby we love, or learn that continuing our education can bring remarkable rewards.

We used to put most of our energy into spinning excuses and rationalizations for our failures. Today, we go forward and make use of the many opportunities life presents to us. We may be amazed at what we're capable of. With our foundation of recovery, success, fulfillment, and satisfaction are within our reach at last.

Just for today: Starting today, I'll do whatever I can to realize my dreams.


My meditation on this entry from the Narcotics Anonymous book, Just For Today, will be ripe with a certain degree of trepidation and doubt, as I have in recent days been faced with the daunting, disagreeable decision to end the working relationship I've had for the last ten and a half months with my sponsor. But, beyond all the fear and loathing lies an even more potent sense of self-satisfaction, coupled with an ubiquitously enthralling desire at last to claim my God-given right to a happy, home-bodied, not-all-too hamstrung, but hopeful future free from drug dependency (YES! I'd defend against that above all else!), disease, depression, destruction, denigration, denial, even perhaps... perchance by some off-willed shot of better than lazy luck, free from the indomitable dilemma(s) of my disfigurement, defined as dignity & disgust... (OOPS! SEE! That's where the doubt returns).

No more! Behind the doubt, perched proudly smack-dab in front of it, or even surrounding it entirely, exists my desire for a future. Beyond the stark surreality of my sins and sufferance(s) where realism takes hold again of the pious, pompous pedantry and post-dramatic spectacle of my insanity, there thrives an elaborate, extant and evocative desire for me to realize my dreams. Yes, in fact, for sure! I damn near dutifully desire to realize my dreams: new and old, unkempt and coveted, clamorous or quiet...a calming cacophony! Dreams that mesmerize the mind with their miraculous magnitude and magnificence. Dreams defined and buttressed by second chances and serendipity, serenity, solemnity, solace, smiles, or sometimes even signified by the most astute sort of scholarly study. Dreams dignified or disgusting, determined, daring, but... DAMN! Don't say it: DASTARDLY!!

NO, Not dastardly!! In no right measure would or could my decent, dauntless day dreaming be defined as dastardly nor despicable, contemptible nor cowardly. No need to pause a single second to say this: MY DREAMS MAKE ME A HERO IN MY OWN RIGHT!! My dreams denounce damned near death-defied destruction, delay and/or deter me from dipping back down the drug-drenched drain of dependency, diminish the degree of my disfigurement to near null, nil, zilch, zero. I am a hero! Thank God for that! I am a hero, if even only to myself.

Upon commencing down this path of sobriety, I have harbored much concerted, conceited consternation and contempt for the camouflaged courtship of co-dependencies that curtails 12-Step Culture via its customarily candid confabulations which cheat their critics of a cause. Hence, I am a hero for saying, "NO!" when the time was ripe for change. I am a hero for crouching no longer to the crutch of cliches of cult-like mentality. I am a hero for taking a stand, as well as for dismissing myself of such contrivances in a calm, gentile, friendly fashion. I am a hero in so far as I have saved myself from the insufferable uncertainty, the doubt (as mentioned before, and so damned near always there!), and the guilt that goes with gaming it like the "good boys" do.

Why such unabashed bellowing forth of bombastic boomerang backlash boasting of my better-than-brethren beliefs? Admittedly, there is no need to exalt myself in these pages. I get enough exaltation from every new acquaintance I meet who may or may not be hearing my story for the first time, and then even more from friends and family. Perhaps, its too late now to veil myself in an air of modesty, and perchance never too soon to lament in lambasting myself for lethargy, lassitude and lackadaisicalness? Thus herein, I have willingly succumb to surreptitiously sullying my good name with self-aggrandizing, simply since I have been in such complete and utter awe — bewilderment, even! — of my circumstances and situation so far.

My life was spared by some Greater Power from the chance tragic misfortune of never waking from such insolence as that which destroyed me already once. Furthermore, in being spared, I have learned to reinvigorate my commitment to all the tempting, tempestuous, torrid and tantalizing tickle-me-pink pretty things in life that help me breathe and smile still, such as art (in all its myriad forms), altruism, fighting for a right(-eous) cause, the capricious cataloging of my contemplations (just 'cause there's nothing else better left to do!), creative expression, academic pursuits, professional development, even people whom I hold dear to my heart, or hearts I hold close to my mind... Not to mention, Faith, religion, practice, prayer and communion with the Lord. I have a special affinity for my Higher Power, just as (S)/He holds me in high esteem, and that is plenty good news to keep me moving in a right(-eous) direction.

In closing, let me be a little less illusive with my tangled threads of thought, to speak conspicuously of the immense challenge that I faced until just recently. You see, I read this entry from Just For Today a week prior to its scheduled share, just because coincidentally, I was curious as to what my future held. When I read this entry for the first time, I found myself catapulted from a certain standstill stagnation of indecision and indecency toward a real awakening, or better yet toward a resolution. Immediately after first reading this entry a week ago, I sat down in calm, collected reserve, but with a certain sense of resolve and satisfaction, to draft a letter to my sponsor requesting that we terminate our relationship.

Why do such a thing? What on earth could have prompted such a move? Or better yet, what could have preempted it? I'll tell you what, squarely and straightforward, "Nothing!" What possessed me to even organize words on paper enough to fire my sponsor? I'll explain, briefly:

Ever since I entered into our sponsorship, I have been battling a resounding and resilient voice inside my head telling me that my sponsor was only holding me back. It got so bad early on, that it led to my acting out — not using, but buying a dog without his "permission" or joining the Board of Directors of a local Bay Area HIV/AIDS Youth Advocacy Nonprofit without first going to him for advice, not calling him at our scheduled times, lashing out when I felt mistook as nothing more than an anonymous client of sorts — not as a friend! Getting angry, sending exceedingly immature, melodramatic and hurtful text messages to him and another fellow when I was on the brink of quitting the program, and the list goes on... But all that outlandish behavior was ultimately rooted in a very real fear: I wasn't advancing through the program at a pace that I felt best suited my gifts and my potential...

Shall I put this into context for you? Let's just say that after tonight, when I slyly slipped my beautiful handcrafted stationery into my sponsor's pouch, it will have been a solid ten months and three and a half weeks since he and I began our fumbling foray through the fundamental tenants of 12-Step, and as of today, we hadn't even really breached Step Four. That averages out to be about four months per step!! So SLOW!! I mean, could we have gone any slower? I don't think so. I mean no offense to him however, for I know he only had the best of intentions for me at heart.

It's just that our pace wasn't in sync at all. And combine with that the disturbing suspicion that my sponsor was holding me back from realizing my calling: that is to say, prohibiting me from sharing at large speaker meetings, or from sponsoring a newcomer myself, or even just making simple and necessary life decisions, such as whether or not to apply for a job, or increase my commitment to my nonprofit, etc.

I know that everyone who reads this is going to have their own distinct and strident opinions about my choice to abandon my sponsor (especially if you are in the Fellowship!!), but let me tell you!! Since giving him that letter, I feel so damn free!! Focused!! Centered!! My sobriety has been reinforced and re-energized, justified even in my own head. Where once I had been shackled to my sponsor's own dogmatic determination to develop my sobriety at a snail's pace, unable and essentially prohibited from pursuing my dreams, now I have all my dreams spread out before me, beckoning me onward and upward toward accomplishment and contribution(s), toward learning and legacy...

See! I took this entry in the NA Meditation Book, Just For Today, very seriously. I told myself: "Just For Today, starting today, I will do whatever I can to realize my dreams." It's just too damn bad that I had to fire my sponsor for the sake of dreaming big, 'cause I sure as hell would have enjoyed having him at my side as I begin to conquer one new found challenge or obstacle after another, working ever so closer to some of the solid, surefire goals I've had a mind to accomplish for the past eight years... We'll see what happens, now!! God Bless You, JJ!!

Respectfully Submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
[MDB2010.06.16@00:48]

12 May 2010

SINS INVALID : A.I.R. Program

SINS INVALID: AN UNCLAIMED SHAMED TO BEAUTY IN THE FACE OF DISABILITY, is "a performance project that incubates and celebrates artists with disabilities, centralizing artists of color and queer and gender-variant artists as members of communities who have been historically marginalized. conceived and lead by disable people of color, [they] develop and present cutting-edge work where normative paradigms of 'normal' and 'sexy' are challenged, offering instead a vision of beauty and sexuality inclusive of all individuals and communities."

SINS INVALID "present multidisciplinary performances (video, poetry, spoken word, music, drama, and dance) by people with disabilities for broad audiences in the San Francisco Bay Area and elsewhere; organize multidisciplinary performance workshops for community members with and without disabilities; and offer political education workshops for community-based and educational organizations that share [their] commitment to social justice principles as a means of integrating analysis and action around disability, race, gender and sexuality."


2010 marks the inaugural year of the SINS INVALID Artists in Residence (A.I.R.) Project, a performance development and incubation project through which new, up and coming LGBTQQI disabled artists of diverse color and/or creed are invited to come together to collaborate, mentor, workshop and produce solo or ensemble performance pieces to be premiered as headlining entertainment at a showcase performance event this coming December.

For the last two weeks, I have been anxiously awaiting response back from the SINS INVALID A.I.R Project Coordinator, Nomy Lamm on her decision to accept me as an participating A.I.R. performer. Even though the application process was quite comfortable and relaxed, I had to turn it into a grueling, anxiety-filled affair, imbuing the whole ordeal with an overbearing sense of urgency and enthusiasm.  With fingers wound round each other in superstitious anticipation, I prayed that my exhaustive energy would impress the judges, and so it did!


Today, Wednesday, May 12, 2010 at around 11:47AM PST, I received an email from Ms. Nomy Lamm, congratulating me on my selection and welcoming me into the program. Now, finally, with great relief and still even greater excitement, I'm able to post my application and a brief synopsis of my interview for the position without preempting any alternate outcome.  I post the following, as I like to say, for the sake of posterity and perpetuity, to be made accessible to the world wide blogosphere through the cyberwaves of my communiques.


SINS INVALID ARTIST IN RESIDENCE APPLICATION
DO YOU IDENTIFY AS LGBTQ OR GENDER VARIANT?

     Yes, and proudly so.
     Though I spent the majority of my childhood and adolescence closeted in immense shame of my "deviant" sexuality, I knew from an early age that I was in fact a homosexual. It took me until my Junior Year Abroad in 1999-2000, while I was studying Performance ARts in paris, France, to "come out" as gay, to find romance and in that same year to seroconvert.
     coming back to Williamsburg, Virginia, where I had lived and studied as an undergraduate for five years, was incredulously difficult -- torturous even, for the simple reason that I was bitterly rejected by my peers because of my abrupt, albeit completely sequitur, shift in sexual orientation.
     I was a handsome young man, back then. I broke the hearts of many young women, who had fallen amorous of me, as well as those of many young men, you desired me sexually, but for whom I held no dutiful, profound attraction.
     Now, I realize, through the spite of circumstance, that I've lost most of my concrete, tangible, physical beauty (so integral to successful gay male relationships, or so it sometimes seems).
     Most of those young gay men, who once rejected me because I ostensibly rejected them, would still reject me today, even though I'm a proud, resilient gay man living a dream. Or maybe, during the practice of performance so integral to the Sins Invalid syllabus of study, I will (re)discover my beauty and either again ostensibly or forevermore actually find that I can and do and will attract love, admiration, desire, lust, sex, romance, etc. We will see; won't we?

WHAT IS YOUR ETHNIC BACKGROUND AND/OR RACIAL IDENTITY?

     I'm a "white trash" mutt of a man, bred of third-generation Eastern European and French-Canadian immigrants.
     I usually abstain from answering such questions, because I find that more often than not polls and surveys, such as this year's foreboding, omni-force of social study: The 2010 Census, insinuates prejudice against "Caucasians."
     NO! I'm NOT a Neo-Nazi -- God Forbid!! I do, however, always answer "other" in these instances. Any racial or ethnic minority is welcomed to object or claim that I am merely projecting my own internalized racism through reversed racism inferred. Yet, I lay steadfast and stubborn claim to the notion that "not all Whites live in an Ivory Tower."
     So here, in this instance, I call myself "White Trash." Because, without any degree of self-loathing, I can easily recognize from where I was born and to where my race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, disability and disease(s) have lead me: not up the social ladder, be even further down from where I started -- to San Francisco's Skid Row.

TELL US ABOUT YOUR ART: WHAT DO YOU DO? WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO YOU?

     I was once , so long ago, an elite and very fortunate student practitioner of a refined artistic performance craft. My study of the theatre and performance arts earned me a place in the pantheon of student artists at my alma mater: The College of William & Mary, '02.
     During my undergraduate studies and immediately following the emotionally debilitating shock of my HIV diagnosis in my senior year, I was honored with the privilege of studying abroad on full scholarship in Europe.
     I studied extensively the art of Mime Decroux at L'Atelier de Belleville and at l'École Jacques LeCoq, Shakespeare and Chinese Opera with l'Association de Recherche des Traditions de l'Acteur (ARTA) under the direction and tutelage of company members of the Théâtre du Soleil and acclaimed contemporary Taiwanese opera and dance master, Wu Xing Guo. I studied with and was directed in the lead role of Les Mamelles de Tirésias by a graduate of the Tisch School for the Arts Experimental Performance Workshop and French national. I traveled to the South of France to study and perform with a bilingual Franco-American contemporary performance company at the Festival d'Avignon: Europe's most sumptuous, most popular, and most time-honored celebration of the theatre, dance and performance arts.
     I also was honored with the privilege of studying on scholarship the traditional and contemporary traditions of theatre in Florence, Italy, including the pinnacled canon of commedia dell'arte, as well as the theories and practice of acclaimed Italian theatre masters, Fo & Strehler.
     The combined force of my experience(s) studying on foreign soil, directly in the muck of mayhem and mischief of mainland European student life, greatly influenced the birth on my passion(s) for the modern & contemporary cinemas of France and Italy.
     I found that in preparing for my directorial debuts in the theatre, upon my return to The College of William & Mary stateside, much of what I had studied of Le Film Noir, Neorealism and the cinema of Jean-Jacques Jeunet integrally influenced my artistic choices. Truly, my directorial debuts were infused with a synthesis of all of my theatrical and cinematographic studies, transforming into a culmination of work of immense impact, value and valor.
     As a French Literature and Theatre Arts major at The College of William & Mary, I honed my artistic skill and craft with the direction, scenic and costume design of two prominent works of Eugène Ionesco and of the Theatre of the Absurd: The Lesson, and The Chairs.
     After undergraduate and after some time in Italy, I came to San Francisco, where I returned to my humble, modest roots as destitute and delusional "White Trash," living in the Tenderloin, under the care of numerous HIV/AIDS service organizations.
     Through my ties to Larkin Street Youth Services, I met Peter Carpou (former member of the Board of Directors of the Intersection for the Arts), who in turn facilitated my acceptance on full scholarship into the 2004 Hybrid Project performance workshop series. that was my last theatrical experience to date, as shortly thereafter, my multiple disabilities truly debilitated me.
     For the years following that major milestone performance opportunity for me, my life has been marred by physical, mental, emotional and behavioral deterioration, destruction and disease. Thus, i have been on somewhat of a forced sabbatical, and in a state of what seems to be terminal separation and disjuncture with my art.
     Only in the last year have I been blessed with the great fortune of finding the necessary guidance to be led through a long and arduous rehabilitation and recovery process; which, in turn, I would like to see culminate this time in my participation as a Sins Invalid Artist In Residence.

WHAT IS YOUR DISABILITY, AND/OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO THE DISABILITY COMMUNITY?

     I'll approach this question systematically and succinctly, to defer all elaborate provocations to my other answers.
     I have lived through debilitating, disabling HIV/AIDS, a nine month schizo-delusional messianic psychosis induced by use of crystal meth, as well as substance abuse and HIV/AIDS-related PCP pneumonia and a poly-microbial necrotizing bacterial infection of my face, which subsequently led to the state in which I find myself now: disgruntled, disfigured, dismantled and deformed -- devoid of all natural, tangible beauty -- left only to fight furiously and ferociously through my own "faggotry" and foggy memories to find my beauty again.
     My relationship to the disability community has thus far been tangential and only dictated by the circumstance(s) of my hospitalization(s). I have for a long while (since my injury & illness, and after witnessing the atrocious destruction of my face, my nose, my jaw, my mouth, my lips, and my smile) refused to associate with the "disfigured" community. I have feared reprisal by those plenty proud people who have suffered trauma after trauma far worse than mine, and who have been torn to pieces physically.
     I can and do wear a mast to cover my reconstructed contortion of a face, while many other victims of facial or body trauma cannot (or simply will not!) wear masks or costumes to hide their "variances." Shocking! -- the contrivances, consequences and coincidence of how the study and wearing of a myriad of masks and costumes has profoundly defined my artistic and personal life (or plagued it!), all along.
     But, i have begun to reach out, more recently. I was introduced to Sins Invalid and the AIR Program by a burn survivor and new found friend of mine: James Anthony Bosch. It is with his support and encouragement that I am taking a gargantuan leap forward into the (hopefully, as he says they'll be) welcoming arms of the disabled and disfigured communities.
     I want to use my participation in the Sins Invalid AIR Program to reconcile my own immense tragedies and turmoil with the tremendous amount of talent and blessing with which I have been gifted throughout my life, even still now.

WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE AN ARTIST IN RESIDENCE? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO BRING TO THE PROJECT? WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO GET FROM THE EXPERIENCE?

     Upon viewing the Sins Invalid website, with accompanying photo and video documentation of past performances by the company, I have been mesmerized and dually inspired by the profoundly beautiful artistry the organization evokes in its work: "AN UNSHAMED CLAIM TO BEAUTY IN THE FACE OF INVISIBILITY!!" Beauty within! My creative energy has been critically and conspicuously resuscitated by the images and sounds, pictures and poetry that I have witnessed by Sins Invalid, and I most deeply desire to be part of this phenomenon, this movement, this corpus of performance work, and in the company of this genuine and genius mastery of craft.
      More importantly however, I crave the opportunity to use my participation in the Sins Invalid Artists In Residence Program as a vehicle and/or mechanism for reconciling myself with my myriad of disabilities and disfigurement(s).
     I have known for years that the story of my life and my struggles could ans would easily lent itself to the creative process of artistic performance and storytelling on stage. With a full year (or more!) of committed rehabilitation and recovery under my tightened belt, I feel entirely ready now to be led on the journey toward discovering the "evocative enunciation of my sacred self."
     What I have to bring to the project are the highest standards of professionalism and the study, practice and mastery of diverse performance traditions; as well as intellect and creativity of stellar proportions; courage in face of a face deface and disfigured; a desire to grow and change and further develop my craft, my psyche, my spirituality, my sobriety, my sanity and my health. I also will bring ambition, determination, enthusiasm, and an ostensibly blank slate upon which might be sketched or etched or sculpted the next masterful Thinker.

WHAT IS YOUR ARTIST DREAM? DESCRIBE THE BOOK, PLAY, SONG, PERFORMANCE OR PROJECT YOU'D LOVE TO CREATE...

  1. SEMI-AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL EXPERIMENTAL PERFORMANCE PIECE : that would prove an affront to aesthetic prejudices and judgments of the status quo, by confounding an audience through the "evocative enunciation of my sacred self." I'd like to use this performance project, as I've said previously, to reconcile with my demons and to demonstrate that true beauty transcends the physical. I can't say much more on the subject, because the idea is still percolating in my mind. But, I know that the Sins Invalid AIR Program would be a pivotal, integral platform for creating such a piece. 
  2. CRYSTALINE: NYMPHO, NARCOTIC FEROCIOUS FIEND OF A FREAK SHOW (a.k.a., "TWEAKER MONSTER") : Incorporating much of my LeCoq and mime training along with situational real-world improvisation technique and the modern Japanese Butoh tradition, I dream of creating an androgynous drag persona that can be "performed" interactively in popular night clubs and gay sex dens; one which is characterized by absurd nymphomania, absence of human touch boundaries, and ultra-concentrated sexual and emotional perversion. I envision that the persona might live amongst the crowds in these locales to breakdown walls and stereotypes and above all to frighten/shock/disgust subjects into realizing that crystal meth is a destructive, disruptive, deranged, debilitating, disfiguring, demonizing disease of an addiction: a monstrosity!! This persona might be something I'd be compelled to workshop as a participant in the AIR Program, in addition to or instead of a semi-autobiographical piece. Perhaps, the two projects could be synthesized and meshed together into one unified performance motif. If not, then I'll just incubate this particular idea until further opportunities for its development present themselves.
  3. A NATIONAL EXPERIMENTAL QUEER PERFORMANCE CONSERVATORY : I aspire to obtain a PhD in Performance Studies either from Berkeley, Brown, NYU, Northwestern or UCLA, with an overarching focus on variant forms of contemporary experimental queer performance and with an emphasis on the aesthetic, historical and theoretical analysis of the art of Drag Performance around the globe. The Conservatory, which I hope to found once I earn a reputation as one of the nation's leading academic experts and performance masters of these variant genres of theatre, would offer BA/BFA and MA/MFA degrees similar to those which were award by the Experimental Performance Institute (EPI) of New College of California at San Francisco, when it was still extant. Tracts of study would include: a.) Social Activism & Agitprop in Performance, b.) Gender, Sexuality & the Stage; as well as specializations in c.) The Performance of Disease, Disability & Stigma; and of course, d.) DRAG!! I want the Conservatory to be breeding ground for drag ingénues and masters of the craft, where they might be able and invited to (re)define/refine their technique and practice ... where the common colloquial drag performer can come to learn and apply time-tested performance traditions and methodologies to the creation of multiple personae and in multiple performance styles. The Conservatory would be a platform upon which young and old drag performers, alike, could gain the skills and creative tools necessary to create art that transcends the kitsch and camp (while still respecting the kitsch and camp roots of the craft), thus entering or accessing the noblest pantheon of performance arts.
  4. THE HARROWING, HILARIOUS HISTORY, AESTHETICS, ANTICS & HOW-TO'S OF DRAG PERFORMANCE : an interactive, illustrated academic/instructional book on the complete history, globally variant aesthetic traditions, diversity of performance styles, subject-matter, song-choice, practice and culture of DRAG Performance. This book, I envision, will be somewhat of an interactive, instructional anthology of drag performance studies, written entirely in partnership with acclaimed drag artists and authors. This book would be kitsch and classy, camp and contemplative, challenging to the nth degree, but coy and cute, sexy and sultry: an astutely academic, scholarly work disguised as a coffee table trinket or toy.
  5. TRANSLATION, DIRECTION & DESIGN OF AN EXPERIMENT QUEER or GENDER VARIANT PRODUCTION OF LES MAMELLES DE TIRÉSIAS : The Tits of Teresias!! I think I want to save this for graduate school!! But, who knows? It could be my ticket into graduate school....
To my delight and equal opportunity of surprise (shock, even!), this rather sterling example of my put-offish verbosity and pedantry shined in the eyes of the judging panel for the Sins Invalid AIR Program, enough so that they were compelled to schedule me for an interview.  I was overwhelmed with anticipation, when I found out that I had made it to the second round of the selection process. I counted the days, the hours, the minutes until the moment I say "nomylamm" pop-up on my SKYPE® Contact List, and shortly thereafter received her incoming video call.

In my opinion, however harsh and self-critical I may be, the interview seemed a bit disjointed and convoluted on my part, as it was happening. But I found some comfortable in the fact that Nomy kept asking me to repeat word-for-word what exactly I had previously said, so that she could write it down.  At first, I thought this quite awkward and unconventional of her, but then it became clear to me that she was so intent on recording my exact words, because they must have been well enough construed (and my statements well enough constructed) to have an impact and to impress her. 

So, for me, in my impression, this was a good sign. Apparently so... But, I'll have to ask her about that in person.  Maybe, she'll shoot my ego down back to ground zero, admitting that she was only following procedure, but until she diminishes my feeling of accomplishment (however gently she may coax me down from aloft!), I will stick with my gut feelings.

See, I didn't have any previous works to exhibit to the Sins Invalid AIR Program judges. There exists no real, tangible record of any of my past performances. Trust me! I went to great lengths to search out photos and videos or even audio recordings of my past performances, but to no avail. I kept coming up short, at every turn. All the judges could go off of was my application and the blog to which I am posting said application at this moment. And of course, my blog has video and audio embedded into it: all original "productions" by me, of me, about me, featuring me. If anything, they found some distinguishable value in what little I had to show for myself and of my work.  And for that I am grateful.

Now, as things progress forward, I just have to walk light footed, but hell bent on staying serious about my art and about playing, creating, experimenting, imagining a whole new world to come alive on the stage. I couldn't be more excited!  The group of AIR Program participants seems like a phenomenally diverse, eclectic and talented group  of artist.  I'm a bit intimidated, to tell you the truth.  Most everyone who is participating in the inaugural Sins Invalid AIR Program is a professional or semi-professional writer.  I, on the other hand, just dabble.  

And oh damn, don't I dumbly display my minimally megalo-magnificent meanderings through doodles and droolings of dastardly devious dexterity of wit? If you would call it wit, wonder if it be pitifully witty to wander wayward with unwavering wise-ass-ity to widdle away a wee few words of way wrong wisdom, leaving the long lost laboring minds of many to wander with me wondering what this wacko for there went.  EWWWWWWWWW.  ALLITERATION IS MY DEMISE! Quote me on that... And with that, I am outtie!  Cheers! Ciao! Namaste! 

Respectfully submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA USA
[2010.05.12@15:25PST]

16 June 2009

STUDY TRACK: Trans-Queer Art of Drag!!

The following is text of a journal entry I recently uploaded to my Last.fm profile, in response to revelations I had had upon listening to CHICK POP!! (Kelly Clarkson Radio) for the first time on this internet radio service. The POP DIVA music that was played to me when I entered "Kelly Clarkson" (and eventually "Madonna") as play topics in the radio station configuration widget ignited in me a deep, spontaneous desire to expound upon my penchant and proclivity for all things DRAG!! Please read this journal entry, and offer some feedback!!

Let me know what you think about my idea to study DRAG PERFORMANCE at the graduate level, and to begin my studies before applying to graduate school with extensive field research in San Francisco and in other locales where there might be a thriving experimental queer performance circuit. I imagine a career teaching & directing young, budding drag princes & princesses, and progressively developing a solid, critical theory & history & aesthic of the art of DRAG PERFORMANCE. It sounds like a righteous, awesome plan to me!! But, the question is...can I turn it into a graduate or post-graduation educational track and an eventual profession? And can I get funding to study such an avant-garde, alternative, peripheral form of art?

PLAYLISTS: ponderances of prettily
pontificated pleasure listening...
[ Last.fm JOURNAL Entry : 06.16.09 ]

Early this morning (or was it late last night? — I DON'T CARE!!
I don't know!!), I randomly found myself linked to Last.fm on my computer, just listening for pleasure and to be introduced to new musical artists, as I sketched away in my drawing book and diary. I had nothing to do after reaching a moment of pause in my doodling, so I sat down to record tags and playlist (v.) certain songs that I had been listening to on the random, fagottry "flame-boi-ant-lee" FIERCE station "Artist - Kelly Clarkson Radio."

See, I enjoy Kelly Clarkson. At least, I am fond of her debut album, which I had previously purchased from the iTunes Store for my music library and to which I have listened avidly and with pleasure recently. So, I thought that I would enjoy songs by various artists similar to Kelly Clarkson, and essentially (vaguely?), I did.

What's so poignantly perturbing about this inclination of mine to listen to CHICK POP!! (or what I have called "LA LA Lady" POP!!), is that these songs awaken in me my deep-seeded interest in and penchant for the trans-queer experimental performance art of DRAG!! All the songs that I listened to tonight, and especially the ones that I added to my new playlist, are perfect for a budding drag princess musical performance repertoire.

As I am no longer beautiful enough a boy to "trans-form" my fabulosity into a FIERCE "Fagged-Out Funambulist Freak Show" drag diva dreaming, because I have lost my face after a terribly traumatic illness and injury to the face: a necrotizing bacterial infection (i.e., Gangrene!!) that led subsequently to the amputation and ongoing craniofacial reconstructions of my mouth, nose and upper jaw, I can no longer dream of becoming a drag diva one day.

But I can and do dream of becoming what I like to think would be an objective, outside expert on the study of EXPERIMENTAL QUEER PERFORMANCE (i.e., drag!!), it's AESTHETICS and its HISTORY; its COMMON PRACTICES & CANONICAL DEFINING ELEMENTS; and eventually discovering/creating a theory behind it all!!

This is a dream that I can still pursue, even to a graduate/post-graduate level of study, to receive a PhD in Performance Studies and to teach DRAG at the M.F.A. Level. A significant component of my dream accomplished would be to open a B.F.A./M.F.A. Drag Performance Conservatory where accomplished older drag queens who have succeeded in stretching the boundaries of their art and in creating a variety of memorable personae act as master teachers, training young gay (or straight!! yes, of course, straight!!) men in the practice of the art of drag performance: vocal technique, lipsyncing, dance, costuming, wig design/maintenance, makeup design, character development, history, aesthetics, experimentation, defining your own art, etc... The school could also be geared toward lesbian or straight women interested in pursuing the art of the Drag King!!


Here's an example of premier Experimental Queer Performance (DRAG!!) from the San Francisco Bay Area's ultimate drag performance phenomenon: Trannyshack!! HEKLINA is a mega-star in San Francisco!! Wow! It'd be a dream to study with her for a couple of months, and to really get acquainted with her performance style and technique, maybe even eventually helping her rediscover and redefine some of her aesthetic, to make it all more theatrical, professional, performative (instead of just kitsch, like you see here in this video!) But, "kitsch" is popular!! It's what works! I wouldn't want to change anything that works well, maybe just enhance it or at least study it in depth. The theories & practices that I will develop in this course of study will ultimately transcend the kitsch & camp, and will be true, genius art. That's my dream! And Heklina would be a great partner in crime for this adventure: a dream diva to work with!!

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

These songs that I have listened to: CHICK POP!! are perfect songs for the contemporary drag repertoire. For now, before ever thinking of going back to school to study DRAG, I should start by conducting independent field work on my own, interviewing drag queens in the San Francisco Bay Area and afar, learning their techniques for developing character, examining their personal endeavors at training themselves, because no school really exists yet, and learning about the dynamic of the drag diva/princess mentoring relationship.

I could feasibly write some articles for scholarly journals about the art of drag and about my observations based on extensive independent field study and get published before applying to grad school. This would only help the acceptance process and prime me for admittance to only the best, topnotch Performance Study PhD programs in the country (particularly, the local UCBerkeley program, or the NYU Tisch School Program, or the Northwestern Program, or a program at UCLA—but I think Berkeley would be most accepting toward this route of study!!).

I definitely can get access to a number of San Francisco Bay Area drag queens (the most reputed, widely acclaimed and celebrated, and the most successful) for interviews and such, via Facebook and connections I have to the Imperial Court of San Francisco and to the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Inc. This would not be difficult; it would only take initiative and courage on my part to face my fears of interacting with new people despite my disfigurement and despite the fact that I wear a mask. But, for sure! This would give me something constructive to do during the in between time before and after my subsequent reconstruction surgeries.

All this thought about my desires to study DRAG PERFORMANCE stems directly from this "Artist - Kelly Clarkson Radio" that I was listening to on Last.fm. All of these wonderful female pop sensations that I discovered just listening to this brand of music has opened my mind to so many possibilities.

I could even think about dabbling in direction of drag personae, working with budding or seasoned drag queens to refine and redefine their personae and the style of their performance, for the sake of aesthetic enhancement of their performances. And I could feasibly organize a evening of drag performances directed and choreographed by myself and other talented drag queens or professionals and debut it at the supperclub san francisco [ S© ], a contemporary, chic dining and performance space in the South of Market District of Downtown San Francisco, reputed for hosting the Beneficiary Awards Reception of FOLSOM STREET EVENTS® each year, for the past three years. It'd be a perfect space for something like that! What a great idea! It would just take a lot of work, and a large following of committed drag queens!! You think I could do it? I wonder...

Tonight, I also completed my POP ALTERNATIVE MALE VOCALISTS playlist, so that it includes just enough playable tracks and individual artist to be playable itself on Last.fm. Now, I should be able to call this playlist up to be played on my Blogger® Page: http://qherekidsf.blogspot.com/, where I have a Last.fm widget in my right-hand sidebar. In fact, that is how I discovered Last.fm...through Blogger® gadgets.

And finally, I also edited the Last.fm P!nk biography to include playable tracks, links to artists' pages and an END NOTE on the super queer-fabulous friendship between P!nk and Ellen Degeneres. I wrote of how P!nk's appearances on the ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW have only served to promote (if not cement?) P!nk's stardom and pop celebrity. I cited the fact that P!nk was one of the only musical artist to be selected to perform at Ellen's 50th birthday party. And how P!nk debuted ELLEN's "Bathroom Concert Series" with a duet rendition of "So What." Here's a YouTube video of that performance:


Wasn't that just great to watch!! Their friendship is such a reward and a remark on the power and pomposity of the queer community!! They are both such stalwart advocates of equality for all!! And their friendship is magical, helping to define both of their celebrities. That was my final bit of contribution to Last.fm this morning, and that is where I will end this journal entry.

Please respond with comments, feedback and shoutbacks!! I'm always interested in hearing from followers of my blog and journals to see if there's any apparent way that my perspective on things might change because of what I learn from others. That's how it works for me! It's about give and take... So please give a little bit of comment on what I've discussed here as my drag diva deuteronomous dreamings!! Thanks!! And I look forward to next time... Cheers! Ciao! Namaste!

Respectfully submitted,
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew D. Blanchard
San Francisco, CA 94109-7821
[MDB2009.06.16@06:43PST]

http://twitter.com/QHereKidSF

http://qherekidsf.blogspot.com
http://profile.to/matthewblanchard
http://www.last.fm/user/QHereKidSF
http://www.bebo.com/aimsn/cheesefryz
http://www.linkedin.com/in/matthewblanchard
http://www.pandora.com/people/mblanchard79
http://www.xtreak.com/go/QHereKidSF/141027
http://www.google.com/profiles/mblanchard1979


IF ONE ADVANCES CONFIDENTLY IN THE DIRECTION
OF HIS DREAMS, AND ENDEAVORS TO LIVE THE LIFE
HE HAS IMAGINED, HE WILL MEET WITH A SUCCESS
UNEXPECTED IN COMMON HOURS.

— Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
So what do you think of all of this? It's a far off thought that I pontificated on in journal form for my Last.fm audience, so that I could share it with all of my blog followers now. It's a unique thought, this idea of mine! What I didn't leave mention for in the journal entry was the pinultimate crux of the idea I actually have to broaden my study of the trans-queer art of drag. I shouldn't share the idea now, for fear that someone might steal it, but I highly doubt that my readership is of such high numbers that I could risk losing out on the originality of an idea to intellectual property theft or mishandlings.

So, I'll venture forth with the crux of the idea here in the closing of this blog entry. What I envision as a graduate or post-graduate work of study and scholarly writing is the publication of a combo piece of academic and how-to literature. I envision publishing an outrageous, cartoon-illustrated how-to book with in depth instructions on the study of DRAG PERFORMANCE that incorporates academic writing in a covert, obtuse but very accessible way about the History & Aesthetic Developments of Contemporary Drag and Drag Performance throughout the ages.

There would be discussions on Greek Comedy (like Lysistrata), DRAG in Gothic Passion Plays, Elizabethan Drag Performance, performance of the costumed lovers' tryst in 17th & 18th century French Comedy of Manners & Comédie Bourgeoise, to discussion on the pre-war art of female impersonation and the carnival-esque in Britain, France & Germany.

There will also be discussions on post-war French surrealist & dada theatre (such as Apollinaire's Les Mamelles de Tirésias), to writing on pre- & post-Stonewall modern drag performance and eventually on contemporary experimental avant-garde drag performance in film and theatre (such as Priscilla, Queen of the Desert; To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar; Hedwig & the Angry Inch; La Mala Educazione, as well as other lesser known cult film classics), and discussion on contemporary regional drag traditions across the country and across the globe (such as San Francisco's very own local cult phenomenon: Trannyshack!! hosted by the infamous and celebrated icon, HEKLINA—as seen in the first video embedded into my journal entry).

The book would be accessible to all queer and queer-friendly audiences and would particularly be used as the major academic learning text for the Conservatory of Drag Performance that I have envisionned opening in San Francisco or Los Angeles or in New York City. The book could have accompanying texts, such as exercise books for character studies, and could include a CD or DVD compilation of recorded audio or video drag performances and DIVA pop!! for the musical drag repertoire: a comparative musicological study on the various genres particularly fitting for various traditions of drag performance around the globe, and throughout history.

See, I have high hopes, and I am here, right now, laying claim to this very unique idea!! I haven't heard anyone ever discuss such an idea as plausible and feasible, but I believe that it especially is so. It's something that could really spark a burning ember of passion amongst the queer and queer-friendly communities for the art of drag, in essence, refining the public's tastes on the art of drag performance and improving the art itself, at the same time. This is what I envision!!

What do you think of the idea? Don't steal it from me! This idea has given me something to live for beyond my disfigurement!! I want so badly to make it happen, to realize this dream of mine, and ... IT IS POSSIBLE!! I just have to hope and pray that some seasonned, professional DRAG QUEEN doesn't come along and accomplish all that I have described before I get a chance to get around to start pursuing it as a plausible, real idea myself. That's my matter of worry! That's the only obstacle standing in my way!!

I should copyright this!! In fact, from here on out...ALL OF MY BLOGS ARE COPYRIGHTED BY QHEREKIDSF | MATTHEW BLANCHARD, ©2008-2009!! I hereby lay claim to my own ideas!! Let this be record of one of my particularly major, significant proprietary ideas: intellectual property!! What do you think? Are you gonna plan on stealing the idea from me?? Gosh, I hope not! What else would I have to live for?? That's all for now! Peace Out! Cheers! Ciao! And Namaste...

Copyright ©2009
Matt(e)o | QHereKidSF
Matthew Blanchard
San Francisco, CA 94109-7821
[MDB2009.06.16@12:31PST]